Believe all that you can

Dating back to one year, I was still the usual me who held high expectation on myself. I constantly told myself that I shouldn't let my parents, my teachers and my friends down. That was when I sat for SPM Trial. I could remember how frustration and disappointment pinned me down when I received unsatisfactory grades. Tears started to trickle as I grinned my teeth against each other, trying to hold the teardrops back. I made mistakes, I lost a couple of A+. Knowing how much effort I have put it and how crucial the results will be for my college scholarship application, the despair doubled. I had my forehead frowned and smile robbed away. But, I still remembered to remind myself that I should keep up with a smile. However, the stress tripled when teachers gave me their encouragement. I tried hard to not tear. I put on a strong front. That was also the point of time I got back into a relationship after the breakup. It was also a tough time I had struggling best of both world while coping with bottled up emotions as I realise that he was leaving for UK. That was how hard the time was for me.

Then, entering college, I fervently hope that things will get better. However, there comes the painstaking LDR, video calls at dawn, hours of text messaging and lots more. Those were memories that will etch forever, for being my first love. Days before our one year, my world was torn apart. One year anniversary means how much we have been through thick and thin, through argument, through breakup, through all the toughest and brightest days, but we fail to pull through it. I had my heart wrenched. Having prepared a video for nights, I could not hold back the tears as I knew it was the end to our relationship. It is near to impossible for us to hook back together. Knowing that the decision comes from him, I took no longer to respect his decision, for he has been my loved one. If it was the best and it was for the longest journey we can reach, I am glad we had been through it. Days were gloomy but "keep smiling, let them wonder how you are still smiling". I persevered to live the best of my life. Being single doesn't mean it's the end of my world.

"Hey little fighter, when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow"

Blessed for this tough ride, I have grown with maturity. I have learnt to believe in myself. I have been strong for myself.

The norm of studying abroad

Up late, I took a step back and thought: what's so great of studying abroad? No doubt growing up with cousins and friends who studied in the UK, Australia and Hong Kong, I was always abuzzed with excitement and instantly decided that I should not lose race in this bandwagon. But, what's about it? Living a more 'contemporary' life? Enjoying the foreign culture?

Once, I was eager to set foot in a foreign land, be it the Great Britain or the Asian jam-packed Australia. I have been wanting to leap out of my home country. I anticipated to embrace a new beginning, with the prospect of living independently. I thought that I should graduate with a degree from a renowned university and secure a better job opportunity. These are all that I (or we) are accustomed to. We pulled through more than 15 schooling years, graduate from university, get a degree and enter the working world. It's more than a typical scenario in any part of the world, if we are blessed with a fairly comfortable and financially-stable life.

I'm not to deny any of the incredibly essential plus points of gaining a wider exposure. There are so much to offer out there. If I am given the opportunity, I will seize it without holding back. Despite of obscurities, I will give my best shot for the upcoming examination.

From a different perspective, I bound to realize leaving home is analogy to stepping out of your comfort zone. The experience of studying abroad does not come with a snap of my fingertips; only hard work pays off. Having given the opportunity, anyone of us should not take it for granted, nor to turn snobbish. It's just money which matters your personality and attitude. Chasing after bewildering dreams, friends and family who have been your pillar of support must not be forgotten. They were your confidante and your loved one.

Till then. Gambateh!

One step at a time

Just completed Mock Exam last week, time is still ticking off, with less than a month to actual AS Exam. How time has flown by. It feels that I graduated from high school not long ago. Well, I have to keep moving forward, with positivity.

I manage to catch up with some of my high school teachers when I dropped by to seek their help for university application. Words I received from them warmed my heart, as always. To cite a few, my Mandarin teacher who has been teaching me for four years saw the maturity in me although I have only left for college for eight months. When she knew what had happened to me, she never fails to give her words of encouragement to me. Angels like her gives me the strength to pick myself up. To not dwell in the past, it's time for me to paint my future and quench my thirst in chasing my dreams. I may have been in wanderlust but regardless of others' perception about my dreams, I have a clear view of what I'm up to, what I'm to achieve in the years to come.

Indeed, it's not an easy attempt for me to reach higher goals and tick off my bucket list. One at a time, I believe I'm one step nearer to climb up to the peak where I reap what I have sowed.