T-two months

I have been on hiatus for a long while. It's partly due to college which ended in May, then work and also the lack of inspiration to write. The 1.5 years of surviving with A Level was no doubt a roller coaster ride as it always was. Challenges after challenges that were embraced had caught me emotionally worn out time after time. There was difficult times and great moments. All in all, I am glad and proud that I have made the impossibles possible. I grow and learn tremendously throughout the good and bad times.

Now, I'm left with two and half weeks of internship at a heathcare centre. Time flies, real fast, after which I will be anticipating for the day - the long-awaited result day that is going to determine it all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I do hope for the best. With much mixed feelings, I still contemplate with my decisions. Making plans after plans for my tertiary studies means among those, there are some goals to be achieved. To not feel empty, I know how far I can go and what my heart truly wants for the best. It is not about giving in to others' persuasion or to accept their thoughts blindly. I have had enough of not-so-welcoming words for picking up a less conventional degree. Mean and selfish, they talk me out of my decision. I did not have the respect that I would have deserved for tolerating these relatives of mine who are supposed to be educated and intellectuals.

If all else falls in place, I will be counting down to departure in two months time, and to new beginnings. 

I am to leave the past behind, and embark on this new chapter of mine. 

Ethics

Speaking about good ethics, as cliche as it sounds, there is a need for everyone to have at least some good ethics. I'm not asking you to be overly-kind or whatsover. It's the balance of having a treasure trove of knowledge and a wealth of positive attitude.

Up late, I was succumbed to innocuous words which I was quite immune to (at first), yet when it's no longer a once in a while attack, it becomes hurtful. I understand the saying that everyone can practise his or her right to speak anything up in her mind, but with that being said, it's comprehensible that it will be only fair if you put some thought before you say anything.

A strict principle which I adhere to is to gain respect, you must first respect other, regardless verbally or in action. Yes, I may not be able to fit into many situations, but I respect other, I respect their actions, I respect their decision, and so I respect them so that I gain the equal amount of respect. I'm pretty sure that the "talking behind the back" kind of thing is something which we all have had to face. Then again, this show a certain level of immaturity in a person. Speak out or shun yourself if you have any disagreement.

Of many religions and believes, all the teachings will have included kindness, politeness, and a mindful behaviour. However, there are people who regard themselves pious person without having a positive outlook and attitude. The stark contrast places me in a position of doubt in gauging the person's personality.

Good ethics, as important as it is, there are not only a handful, but many people who are not aware of. Always, before you speak, before you make a move, it doesn't harm if you can take three seconds to think.

To gain equal amount of respect, respect others first. 
Thank you for your consideration. 

Social media, not so

I was once a person who would express my feelings over social media. I would have done my PDA on Facebook and Instagram, and my emotion vented out on Twitter.

I was all wrong.

Yes, everyone does that nowadays. You won't be any surprised to have your Instagram filled with a-tad-eyesoring posts on Valentine's Day. You would have at least a friend who posts "Happy xx Monthsary!" Okay, I know it's a milestone in your relationship. Then again, how many of us take the time off our electronic devices and spend quality time with our loved ones?

It was a mistake to "announce" a relationship on the Internet.
First, you will be centre of attention. If you are comfortable with it, it's all fine. If you don't, you will, somehow, feel that you shouldn't have posted it in the first place.
Next, everyone knows that you are in a relationship, be it your friends, your teachers, your uncle, your aunty and the list goes on. You will get teased during family gatherings, which I hated it much as I have always been the youngest among all my cousins.
This is followed by doing PDA out of impulse, you would not have the rationale in doing it appropriately. In the context of posting about your relationship so frequently that your posts flooded other people's feed. Without doubt, I would be very annoyed if I am the latter. I am also the person who would unfriend or unfollow the person.

However, this is my piece of thought.
Loving and liking someone are distinctly different. If you love someone, you love him from the bottom of your heart, he's of utmost importance to you, and your closed ones will be ever-supportive of the relationship. But, if you like someone, you would like him just because you like him.

Don't jump into the bandwagon of having a significant others because everyone has one. Just be yourself. Over time, you would be able to prove that you have much to explore, to learn and to grow. It's not a mistake to be on your own two feet, because it would have proven others and yourself that you are stronger than you think. No one is to doubt who you are. A person who love you would appreciate who you are, accept who you have been and take pride of your achievement, just like how your family members and best friends would do.

rekindle

Disclaimer: I did not abandon my blog, but caught up with lots of work up late. #sad

Well, I have lots of thoughts in mind. To pen them down, or to even articulate them will take me some time. (I'm very much known to my language teachers as someone who has an unorganized train of thought)

First off, I'm left with one week to Mock, one month and few weeks to A2. It has never ever been so intense and I have never felt so pressured. Somehow, I'm still trying my very best to cope, but I have been feeling like I'm on the verge of breaking down. The amount of workload gives me an immense pressure. While I'm working on the four heavy subjects which I'm taking, there are lots more miscellaneous things for me to handle ie. university stuff, scholarship application. Dragging myself to college, I'm stucked with lectures till 4pm because of extra classes, then as I head back home, it's already 5pm. I do my part of revision till 11pm and then I will settle the rest of the things. You can imagine how 'long' my sleeping hours would be. I agree that this will be a process which most people are going through, sooner I may live like this day in day out.

A2 is no joke. If AS was a breeze to you, A2 will be the storm. Maybe worse?
When we return for classes in January after a month break in December, we have to race against time to complete the syllabus, revise, do practices in five months since our exam is moved forward this year. Luck is not on us this round. Worse still, we will the first batch using the new syllabus so we basically have no clue of what the exam board is up to. This is how my stress level is piling.

It has come to a point that I really feel like giving up. It's just not me, not what I would do. I'm torn between my expectation and reality. Giving myself the responsibility to do my best means that I would go all out regardless of what circumstances. But will I be able to? It's not a promise that I would get superb grades of whatsoever, it's a goal which I set to motivate myself that I will do better than before. It has been a really long, tiring journey for the past one year. I have never felt so worn out, emotionally drained. Then again, I have never felt so elated, confident, touched and proud at some point of time. This concoction of feelings gives me the strength.

Deep down, I know that I won't give up. I won't lose this battle. As I work towards my goal, I hope to have made the best out of this journey. The end result doesn't matter much anymore.

If life is battle, you shall be the warrior.
If life is a voyage, you shall sail towards the lighthouse, even in pitch black, in raging storm, in wave turbulence.
There's no reason to give up.

gracias

This year, I ushered in 2016 with mixed feeling. With many uncertainties and challenges ahead, I can't help but to be overwhelmed with anxiety. Besides completing A Level, I will be furthering my studies abroad. However, having conditional offer from the top universities also means that I have to go all out to meet the entrance requirements and hopefully, to secure a scholarship as I really do not want to burden my parents with the rocketed cost of living in London.

Also, I should embrace the whole new chapter in my life, one which will make my dreams come true. Ain't easy, but worthwhile after all. Last year this time, it was tough for me. Now, I have come to a point of appreciating what I have as there are many which I have taken granted for. Counting down to the months which I'm left with serves as a reminder for me to make the best out of them.

"Some people come in your life as blessing, some come in as life lessons."

Happy Valentine's Day!

You will be awed by your persistence

Time really really flies. I am 60% done with my university application. What's left is pretty much my final result, accepting an offer, visa application, air ticket and I'm ready to to go. To be really honest, I couldn't believe I have come so far. Persisting to the end is beyond difficult but I'm glad that I did not give up. I know what's best for myself and how much I should achieve.

After my AS results was released, I have mixed feelings for underachieving some of the subjects but I'm still pleased for the fact that I did fairly well overall. It does give me some relief and assurance to make it into a couple of universities of my choice in the United Kingdom with conditional offers.

With many of my friends leaving next month, it does hit me that it's my turn to leave home soon. I wouldn't want to be separated from my bunch of good friends and family to a place of nowhere, but this will be an opportunity for me to explore UK where I have been wanting to. It's a dream which (hopefully) will come true.

At this point of time, I gradually learn to cherish every outings, every meal I spent with my friends because it is already rare for us to meet each other up due to our current hectic schedule, and it will be worse when we in different continents in no time.

Going abroad to study is indeed a whole new experience. And choosing Biotechnology over other degree is the toughest, and firmest decision I have made for myself, and my future. It's not a field with good job prospects which may lead me to bad financial status when I start working and I don't see much perpetuating growth of biotechnology in my country. These two reasons are sufficient to put me into a really difficult situation. I should have not toyed with this idea since the beginning. I have friends and relatives convincing me to get out of this dead trap by "suggesting" other more money-making careers especially doctor. Then again, do I want the best for myself? What was my dream? To make the biggest contribution that I could to the society to improve the quality of lives. This has been my ultimate goal. I know that I have had an interest in this field and this is where I can stretch beyond my limit to do what I can in the most comfortable work setting. Without hesitation, I insisted that Biotechnology as my degree to be pursued and this has helped me to convince my parents even though I should have pursued other degrees to their suggestions. I am rather glad when my lecturer has been giving her greatest support ever since I expressed my interest in life science. If it was not her, I wouldn't have been so determined all this while.

To me, it's not about making a fortune with a degree from a prestige university which elevates your socioeconomic status, but how much you are able to make the best out of the knowledge that you have equipped yourself with. Money means everything, but it's also nothing. You are who you are, who you should be and who you must be - to be a better person who you yourself are proud of.

Third Semester

Back to college means that I have to resume the intense, insanely stressful A2 life. One last semester to go and in five months time, we are all going to spread our wings, said my lecturer. True enough, luck was not on our side. The Cambridge Examination Board pushed our examination forward for the Summer papers and to make things even worse, all Pure Science students have their papers cramped up in two weeks. It's not a good way to start off the semester with every single lecturer expressing their concern over our upcoming Mock Examination which is approaching in less than three months.

I don't know whether I should be glad since the graduation day which I have been anticipating for is finally around the corner (maybe not) or I should the flustered for not having prepared for the major examination.

I got to admit that it's not only my studies which are breathing my neck, my university application, scholarship application and yadah yadah are also equally nerve-wrecking. With one conditional offer each from Bristol, Queensland and HKUST, making three offers in total, I can be considered to be rather safe and prepared for my university study. However, I'm hoping fervently for more replies. Not receiving an offer for my first choice in HKUST was tad disappointing and frustrating. My preparation and effort to enrol into the IRE programme were not sufficient for me to secure a place but it was a rather enriching experience to be interviewed.

I may not be able to keep up with my pace of blogging so frequently in last year due to other (serious, intense) commitment. Will be back real soon, hopefully with a good news!

2015 终

这一篇文章是为了好好地记录一下这一年里的点点滴滴。

要切实地形容2015莫过于比喻其为一段难忘的旅程。心情上的起伏很大，遇到的挫折，障碍很多，挫败感更是令我感到很泄气。想说，我在一年里的成长也真的很多很多。

伤痛的回忆我就想让它永远地停留在2015。曾经伤害我的人我也不曾深藏怨恨，有的仅仅是百般的失落。但我还是，打从心底地感恩这一段岁月造就了勇敢，坚强的我。

18岁，心境，思想也改变了不少。我最渴望的是纯真的快乐。被一桩桩事情打败，流下了不少成长的泪迹，我也得再次地爬起来。坚毅的精神再此地塑造了我。
思想上，我变得更加独立自主。不是我行我素，而是拥有了属于我的方向和旅程碑。或许所经历的还是留下了不少阴影，我渐渐地学会如何独自相处。虽然不算很健康，但与其一群朋友嘻嘻哈哈地论天说地，我还是很需要一个人慢慢地让思绪沉淀，让身上的包袱暂时放下。

心态上的成熟，身边的师友都见证了。不再傻里傻气，不再茫然，无自主的做下决定，更不再因为爱，失去了方向。不仅于此，我更学会如何的好好地爱自己，爱身边值得我爱的人。互相扶持，互相鼓励，互相成长，与朋友们的友情也算更完美了。

对我而言，真挚的友情不仅无价，更是我最珍惜的一份礼物。
非常非常的感谢他们一路上的陪伴和支持。

2015，我感恩感谢，我找到了自己。

2016，我衷心希望我会更有勇气地越过这更为挑战的一年。不管是友情，亲情，我会深深地锁入我的心坎。是否能够实现我的愿望，我默默地盼望着。

Hello, December.

Finally, I'm ushering the last month of 2015. It still overwhelms me how time flies, how much I have pulled through. Ain't an easy ride, ain't a smooth sailing but a journey worth taking. I accomplish little things day by day, ticking off my bucket list and trying out lots which I thought I am incapable of. Just pushing beyond my limits.

I no longer want to look back at my teenage years and have a tinge of regret. I'm making the best out of it, and also spending this last nine months in Malaysia well. Also, I took the initiative to foster some friendship which are worth keeping. Definitely no regrets. Many of them have inadvertently  impacted me much or to the extend of being angles, who guided me through thick and thin. They are the bunch who provided me with lots of strength and courage. I can't thank them more.

In the blink of an eye, I'm transitioning into my last (insane and hectic) semester in college. It still feels like I graduated from high school not long ago. Yet, sooner I'm entering a new chapter - university. I see maturity grows, independence develops and positive vibe buds in myself. As much as I don't want to grow up so quickly, I do enjoy this journey as much as how it tore me apart, and made me shatter for countless times.

Be your own sunshine

As time passes, I find myself accustomed to solitude. It's the silence and comfort which I don't adore back then or perhaps haven't been able to appreciate. But, right now, being able to take a moment out of the crowd, out of the bustling college has been a pleasure. Sipping a cuppa in the comfiest tee, and reading or surfing the web while listening to my playlist is a leisure. It's an irreplaceable feeling.

When I finally had the time to catch up with my all time soul sister, we both totally agree that we need moment like these the most. Not to the extend of confining ourselves to four walls all day all night, it's just some time off for ourselves. No dealing with people which we are tired of, no giving in to little things and no broken heart. Why not?

Scurrying home after classes doesn't seem impressive. But, that's the way we roll.

Times like these have been really tiring and stressful. Having a tight schedule is no doubt exhausting. I doubt if anyone has not heard of "work hard, play hard". Oh well, play?! Not really. No way maybe. Welcome to the real world.

Haven't had a single thought of heading to whatever cool place like nightclubs for clubbing, nor to hang out at mamak till late nights. Sorry, these are not my kind of things.

I'm way more comfortable to have a book and lie on the lounge.

Call me a bookworm or lifeless? Mind you, you haven't known me long enough. Be judgmental if you like.

Just like how you can't force an adolescent to wear an infant's clothing, I enjoy being myself. Even if I have changed, I enjoy being who I am today, and in the years to come.

Positive thoughts are churning, negativity will be on its way to the past. It's for the better days to come afterall.

Not to forget, my university applications  are all nailed, finally! *opening a champagne* (even if I don't touch alcohol haha) With a burden of the shoulder, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reply or an acceptance letter, pleaseeee.

Signing off, Mish. Till then.

When you fall in love

Disclaimer: This is my point of view. I have no other intentions.

 
Falling in love has to be one of the best feelings you'll ever come across. 

You stumble upon your other half through fate and destiny, in high school, college, university or in any part of the world, of different background, distinct personalities. It may also be a long-distance due to many unpredictable circumstances. He or she is equivalent to your family and your best friends, or you may unknowingly prioritize your relationship over your loved one.

You thought he/she means the world to you.


It took me lots of courage to get back up. The transition period from switching your life consisting of the both of the best to only yours is perhaps, one of the most difficult change you will have to make. You have loved someone for a reason, or maybe none. It doesn't really matter. When love sparks, you'll get along with each other. You take the extra miles to understand one another, tolerate and bring the best out of he/she. Similarly, your other half will make the effort to do the same to you. The greatest gift is you have had a special one in your life; a helping hand, a loyal support, a confidante, a shoulder to lean on and most of all, a warmth of love and care. Mysteriously, you fall for him/her more and more.

Sometimes, you wonder of how you will be building your future together with your other half. You will be pulling through all that it needs to lead both of you to walk down the aisle, hand in hand. Challenges make you two grow as one; you look beyond the difficulties which you are facing because you know, it's worth persevering. When you are forced to start a long-distance, you have no other options, but to hold on to it temporarily, for you both know, it takes a little more time for you to reunite. Love makes you a stronger person.

When you are torn apart on one fine (not so) day, you take a step back and reminisce all the bittersweet memories which you both share. You become braver day by day; there's no longer someone who will be comforting you when you have the worst days, no longer someone who will make sure you get back on track after you fell. It turns out to be you, as who you are. After much struggle, you learn how to cope and to be a better person, one who he/she will be regret of letting go or for not appreciating. Tears shed, but the next day will be a brighter day.

For all that it takes to walk through the past six months, it's tough, it's heart-shattering. I fell and fell for countless times, and I still do. I felt as if I am in a loom of darkness. I felt the urge to be impulsive. But, never forget that it's not an end but a starting point in the relay of your life. You will  meet many, many angels who are like the silver lining to your cloud. They are there for a reason, for you to strive for your future.

Nevertheless, be who you want to be, who you should be and who you are worth to be. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you must never change for the worse.

沉淀

回首望去，再煎熬的都跨过了，所剩的的确不再那么漫长。我知道倘若我真的放手—搏也不会落入谷底。但是，选择了坚持，再艰难还是得咬紧牙根走下去。

不要再让串珠的泪水淌下，
别再失去微笑的理由，
勿再俳徊在逝去的岁月。

坚强着，把对未来的憧憬和壮志当成精神上的寄托。

相信，雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽。

梦想，只是在转角处。

为梦想加油

每一个人都会曾经拥有过一段故事。我也不例外。

每一会锁住荧幕上的《星光大道》， 免不了的是一回回的感动，是种说不起又嵌入心中的滋味。选手们都把战场当成了他们表演的舞台，把本身的故事唱处来，我深深体会到他们所要传达的情感和经历。

曾经，我也是个爱上舞台的孩子。罕有地说起这一段故事，我会默默地踏上了时光隧道。
当时还在小学稚气的岁月，我最向往的是能够站上舞台。是一种既紧张，又有成就感，又开心的一刹那。曾经，是个爱表演的孩子——唱歌，演讲，诗歌朗诵，讲故事，我一一尝试过。说不起是什么鼎鼎大名的选手或表演者，我享受的是那种苦涩又值得回忆的过程。手上领着奖杯的时候给予我的是无限的肯定。家中摆满的奖杯不再像昔日般的闪烁，但每一回凝视着它们心中有的不只是回忆，更深厚的是骄傲。

谈起音乐，我总是擦肩而过。我爱上的是歌曲的旋律，歌词的故事，还有那无界的乐坛。还有，能够自由地玩起乐器，自弹自唱。然而，我失去的是好多的机会。长大以来，我一直都很想玩音乐，哼起歌来，做个享受音乐的孩子，但都没机会去学。有的是短短地玩起了潮州儒乐，虽然看不懂乐谱，一窍不通地玩起了音乐，还是无比的感动。很无奈地，因为一段令我很失落的小插曲，我失去了表演和继续学音乐的机会。

说起来，十八岁了，我还是守住了我隐藏着的艺术细胞。爱唱歌，爱舞蹈，爱的是能够诠释自己的机会。我渴望的是有一天，在我追梦的旅途中，能玩起音乐，开启生命中新的篇章。

梦，固然遥远，但跌跌撞撞过了一段日子之后，可能依然有那种感觉，但只有我自己会知道，当自己日后说起这一段故事，是一段连自己也被感动的日子。

Believe all that you can

Dating back to one year, I was still the usual me who held high expectation on myself. I constantly told myself that I shouldn't let my parents, my teachers and my friends down. That was when I sat for SPM Trial. I could remember how frustration and disappointment pinned me down when I received unsatisfactory grades. Tears started to trickle as I grinned my teeth against each other, trying to hold the teardrops back. I made mistakes, I lost a couple of A+. Knowing how much effort I have put it and how crucial the results will be for my college scholarship application, the despair doubled. I had my forehead frowned and smile robbed away. But, I still remembered to remind myself that I should keep up with a smile. However, the stress tripled when teachers gave me their encouragement. I tried hard to not tear. I put on a strong front. That was also the point of time I got back into a relationship after the breakup. It was also a tough time I had struggling best of both world while coping with bottled up emotions as I realise that he was leaving for UK. That was how hard the time was for me.

Then, entering college, I fervently hope that things will get better. However, there comes the painstaking LDR, video calls at dawn, hours of text messaging and lots more. Those were memories that will etch forever, for being my first love. Days before our one year, my world was torn apart. One year anniversary means how much we have been through thick and thin, through argument, through breakup, through all the toughest and brightest days, but we fail to pull through it. I had my heart wrenched. Having prepared a video for nights, I could not hold back the tears as I knew it was the end to our relationship. It is near to impossible for us to hook back together. Knowing that the decision comes from him, I took no longer to respect his decision, for he has been my loved one. If it was the best and it was for the longest journey we can reach, I am glad we had been through it. Days were gloomy but "keep smiling, let them wonder how you are still smiling". I persevered to live the best of my life. Being single doesn't mean it's the end of my world.

"Hey little fighter, when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow"

Blessed for this tough ride, I have grown with maturity. I have learnt to believe in myself. I have been strong for myself.

The norm of studying abroad

Up late, I took a step back and thought: what's so great of studying abroad? No doubt growing up with cousins and friends who studied in the UK, Australia and Hong Kong, I was always abuzzed with excitement and instantly decided that I should not lose race in this bandwagon. But, what's about it? Living a more 'contemporary' life? Enjoying the foreign culture?

Once, I was eager to set foot in a foreign land, be it the Great Britain or the Asian jam-packed Australia. I have been wanting to leap out of my home country. I anticipated to embrace a new beginning, with the prospect of living independently. I thought that I should graduate with a degree from a renowned university and secure a better job opportunity. These are all that I (or we) are accustomed to. We pulled through more than 15 schooling years, graduate from university, get a degree and enter the working world. It's more than a typical scenario in any part of the world, if we are blessed with a fairly comfortable and financially-stable life.

I'm not to deny any of the incredibly essential plus points of gaining a wider exposure. There are so much to offer out there. If I am given the opportunity, I will seize it without holding back. Despite of obscurities, I will give my best shot for the upcoming examination.

From a different perspective, I bound to realize leaving home is analogy to stepping out of your comfort zone. The experience of studying abroad does not come with a snap of my fingertips; only hard work pays off. Having given the opportunity, anyone of us should not take it for granted, nor to turn snobbish. It's just money which matters your personality and attitude. Chasing after bewildering dreams, friends and family who have been your pillar of support must not be forgotten. They were your confidante and your loved one.

Till then. Gambateh!

One step at a time

Just completed Mock Exam last week, time is still ticking off, with less than a month to actual AS Exam. How time has flown by. It feels that I graduated from high school not long ago. Well, I have to keep moving forward, with positivity.

I manage to catch up with some of my high school teachers when I dropped by to seek their help for university application. Words I received from them warmed my heart, as always. To cite a few, my Mandarin teacher who has been teaching me for four years saw the maturity in me although I have only left for college for eight months. When she knew what had happened to me, she never fails to give her words of encouragement to me. Angels like her gives me the strength to pick myself up. To not dwell in the past, it's time for me to paint my future and quench my thirst in chasing my dreams. I may have been in wanderlust but regardless of others' perception about my dreams, I have a clear view of what I'm up to, what I'm to achieve in the years to come.

Indeed, it's not an easy attempt for me to reach higher goals and tick off my bucket list. One at a time, I believe I'm one step nearer to climb up to the peak where I reap what I have sowed.

thank you, love

One week to Mock, one of the most crucial exams, which determines my application to universities. Repeatedly, I have been mentioning the same thing but well, there are more going on now and then. Some struck me hard, some make me ponder, some just make me wonder. Nevertheless, I will turn out stronger.

Even when we will have to take seperate paths, I'm blessed for this unforgettable journey. Every advise still lingers in me, they teach me to be a better person. Every downfall, every heartbreak, teaches me that I should love myself more. As I make more positive changes in me, I should stand by my life principles, and hold on to my dreams. I deserve better.

Thank you for crossing my path.

If only

Life has been really hectic recently. As soon as I thought it is coming to an end, the cycle begins and continues. Oh well, I can't help much but to bear with it.

Haven't been writing/babbling here, I was caught up with my studies and a really heavy workload. This is also the time when stress creeps in and robs me of my happiness. I know I should learn to cope with it but everyone has their moment okay? Having sort of a mixed emotions, I'm trying to take things one at a time and to let go certain past memories. It was never easy, and it will never be. Some days like this I will look back and think if a miracle had happened, it will be all different now. Well, it was meant to happen. So here I am embarking on a journey of many uncertainties, searching for my love and passion and enduring all challenges and tears.

To think about the upcoming exams, I'm having the fear in me, no longer excitement. Every doubt which I have piles up and it goes on. I think I have never been in this state for some time and I never want to. I just can't wait to get over this and get on a solo vacation. I need a breakaway. I need some time for myself.

Days like these I just want to cuddle up in my bed and wallow in deep thoughts and tear.

Please be kind to me.

Leo Installation Ceremony

The day has finally arrived - to be installed as an Omega Leo and the Assistant Secretary of Leo Club of PJI. To me, I have much feel for this day, till this very moment after the ceremony ended.

So here I am putting my thoughts to words once again. It was never easy starting afresh along my journey, finding light from the pitch black darkness where I was dwelling in. I'm just beyond blessed to be in this big family. I'm so grateful for all the opportunities provided and trust that the seniors have given me because these recognition mean more than anything to me. The contentment comes from the words of encouragement from my seniors although being part of this loving family requires much more commitment and dedication. Their tremendous support teaches me to love myself more. I believe here, I will be a better person who I will be proud of.

没有人可以阻止妳，因为妳是妳的

一步一脚印， 我领悟的真的不少，累积的只有越来越多。当不上了意料之外的转捩点，我最大的的感触莫过于身边爱我的人，仍然相信我，愿意肩并肩带领我走出黑暗的每一个人。 我常说我多么珍惜他们，然而这一刻，我所想说的并不是我多么的感激他们，而是多么的感恩他们的无私，他们的坚持，还有感谢他们如何为我点亮了我生命中的那把坚强的火炬。不管曾经发生了什么大小事，他们还是无条件的扮演我身边的守护天使。

有的时候，我会渴望时间逆流，回到那段挺难忘，懵懂的岁月。甜美的回忆总是情不自禁地嵌入心房。再多的不舍，再多的委屈，只有抿嘴一笑，大步地继续往前走。豆蔻年华之十八载，我还是用很长远的路要走，停下不是一种选择。

一桩桩事情，我更加能够肯定自己会找一片更属于我，更好的天空。雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽的。我也很感谢这个让我磨炼自己的机会，因为这个艰难的路途让我找回了自己，让我学会肯定自己，让我释怀地接受命运的残酷和不公平，还有让我更加爱自己和为自己拟定我所想要的未来。

一个偶然的机遇，我发现的并不少。

爱情就像一部棋，下了那一步，没有回转的余地。掌控棋局的幕后推手让你因当局者迷之因而盲目地去爱。傻气，稚气会让一个人更加地受伤害。

不管前景如何，不管我们俩的机遇如何，这一段路，没有你，还是没有今天的我。我别无选择下学会勇敢和坚强，学会爱自己。感恩这一段初恋。

还有，我只想努力地活得更好。并不是因为我想证明没有了你，我活得很好，我其实在试着找回自己，完成我的意愿，还有我的梦想。



“以前的妳恋爱，觉得爱妳的人最好，
但现在的妳要的爱情则是，
爱的想法更妳一样的人，最好。

爱情里面，没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不爱了谁。

单纯的爱或许不简单，
但是要勉强去谈自己不认同的爱，欲更难。

妳并不是选择了单身，
而是选择了自己想要的爱情。

原来时针一直停留在他离开的那一天，
天气，电影或者音乐，中有让妳想起他的理由。”

取之《想念，却不想见的人》