One week to Mock, one of the most crucial exams, which determines my application to universities. Repeatedly, I have been mentioning the same thing but well, there are more going on now and then. Some struck me hard, some make me ponder, some just make me wonder. Nevertheless, I will turn out stronger.
Even when we will have to take seperate paths, I'm blessed for this unforgettable journey. Every advise still lingers in me, they teach me to be a better person. Every downfall, every heartbreak, teaches me that I should love myself more. As I make more positive changes in me, I should stand by my life principles, and hold on to my dreams. I deserve better.
Thank you for crossing my path.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
If only
Life has been really hectic recently. As soon as I thought it is coming to an end, the cycle begins and continues. Oh well, I can't help much but to bear with it.
Haven't been writing/babbling here, I was caught up with my studies and a really heavy workload. This is also the time when stress creeps in and robs me of my happiness. I know I should learn to cope with it but everyone has their moment okay? Having sort of a mixed emotions, I'm trying to take things one at a time and to let go certain past memories. It was never easy, and it will never be. Some days like this I will look back and think if a miracle had happened, it will be all different now. Well, it was meant to happen. So here I am embarking on a journey of many uncertainties, searching for my love and passion and enduring all challenges and tears.
To think about the upcoming exams, I'm having the fear in me, no longer excitement. Every doubt which I have piles up and it goes on. I think I have never been in this state for some time and I never want to. I just can't wait to get over this and get on a solo vacation. I need a breakaway. I need some time for myself.
Days like these I just want to cuddle up in my bed and wallow in deep thoughts and tear.
Please be kind to me.
Haven't been writing/babbling here, I was caught up with my studies and a really heavy workload. This is also the time when stress creeps in and robs me of my happiness. I know I should learn to cope with it but everyone has their moment okay? Having sort of a mixed emotions, I'm trying to take things one at a time and to let go certain past memories. It was never easy, and it will never be. Some days like this I will look back and think if a miracle had happened, it will be all different now. Well, it was meant to happen. So here I am embarking on a journey of many uncertainties, searching for my love and passion and enduring all challenges and tears.
To think about the upcoming exams, I'm having the fear in me, no longer excitement. Every doubt which I have piles up and it goes on. I think I have never been in this state for some time and I never want to. I just can't wait to get over this and get on a solo vacation. I need a breakaway. I need some time for myself.
Days like these I just want to cuddle up in my bed and wallow in deep thoughts and tear.
Please be kind to me.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Leo Installation Ceremony
The day has finally arrived - to be installed as an Omega Leo and the Assistant Secretary of Leo Club of PJI. To me, I have much feel for this day, till this very moment after the ceremony ended.
So here I am putting my thoughts to words once again. It was never easy starting afresh along my journey, finding light from the pitch black darkness where I was dwelling in. I'm just beyond blessed to be in this big family. I'm so grateful for all the opportunities provided and trust that the seniors have given me because these recognition mean more than anything to me. The contentment comes from the words of encouragement from my seniors although being part of this loving family requires much more commitment and dedication. Their tremendous support teaches me to love myself more. I believe here, I will be a better person who I will be proud of.
So here I am putting my thoughts to words once again. It was never easy starting afresh along my journey, finding light from the pitch black darkness where I was dwelling in. I'm just beyond blessed to be in this big family. I'm so grateful for all the opportunities provided and trust that the seniors have given me because these recognition mean more than anything to me. The contentment comes from the words of encouragement from my seniors although being part of this loving family requires much more commitment and dedication. Their tremendous support teaches me to love myself more. I believe here, I will be a better person who I will be proud of.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
没有人可以阻止妳，因为妳是妳的
一步一脚印， 我领悟的真的不少，累积的只有越来越多。当不上了意料之外的转捩点，我最大的的感触莫过于身边爱我的人，仍然相信我，愿意肩并肩带领我走出黑暗的每一个人。 我常说我多么珍惜他们，然而这一刻，我所想说的并不是我多么的感激他们，而是多么的感恩他们的无私，他们的坚持，还有感谢他们如何为我点亮了我生命中的那把坚强的火炬。不管曾经发生了什么大小事，他们还是无条件的扮演我身边的守护天使。
有的时候，我会渴望时间逆流，回到那段挺难忘，懵懂的岁月。甜美的回忆总是情不自禁地嵌入心房。再多的不舍，再多的委屈，只有抿嘴一笑，大步地继续往前走。豆蔻年华之十八载，我还是用很长远的路要走，停下不是一种选择。
一桩桩事情，我更加能够肯定自己会找一片更属于我，更好的天空。雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽的。我也很感谢这个让我磨炼自己的机会，因为这个艰难的路途让我找回了自己，让我学会肯定自己，让我释怀地接受命运的残酷和不公平，还有让我更加爱自己和为自己拟定我所想要的未来。
一个偶然的机遇，我发现的并不少。
爱情就像一部棋，下了那一步，没有回转的余地。掌控棋局的幕后推手让你因当局者迷之因而盲目地去爱。傻气，稚气会让一个人更加地受伤害。
不管前景如何，不管我们俩的机遇如何，这一段路，没有你，还是没有今天的我。我别无选择下学会勇敢和坚强，学会爱自己。感恩这一段初恋。
还有，我只想努力地活得更好。并不是因为我想证明没有了你，我活得很好，我其实在试着找回自己，完成我的意愿，还有我的梦想。
“以前的妳恋爱，觉得爱妳的人最好，
但现在的妳要的爱情则是，
爱的想法更妳一样的人，最好。
爱情里面，没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不爱了谁。
单纯的爱或许不简单，
但是要勉强去谈自己不认同的爱，欲更难。
妳并不是选择了单身，
而是选择了自己想要的爱情。
原来时针一直停留在他离开的那一天，
天气，电影或者音乐，中有让妳想起他的理由。”
取之《想念，却不想见的人》
有的时候，我会渴望时间逆流，回到那段挺难忘，懵懂的岁月。甜美的回忆总是情不自禁地嵌入心房。再多的不舍，再多的委屈，只有抿嘴一笑，大步地继续往前走。豆蔻年华之十八载，我还是用很长远的路要走，停下不是一种选择。
一桩桩事情，我更加能够肯定自己会找一片更属于我，更好的天空。雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽的。我也很感谢这个让我磨炼自己的机会，因为这个艰难的路途让我找回了自己，让我学会肯定自己，让我释怀地接受命运的残酷和不公平，还有让我更加爱自己和为自己拟定我所想要的未来。
一个偶然的机遇，我发现的并不少。
爱情就像一部棋，下了那一步，没有回转的余地。掌控棋局的幕后推手让你因当局者迷之因而盲目地去爱。傻气，稚气会让一个人更加地受伤害。
不管前景如何，不管我们俩的机遇如何，这一段路，没有你，还是没有今天的我。我别无选择下学会勇敢和坚强，学会爱自己。感恩这一段初恋。
还有，我只想努力地活得更好。并不是因为我想证明没有了你，我活得很好，我其实在试着找回自己，完成我的意愿，还有我的梦想。
“以前的妳恋爱，觉得爱妳的人最好，
但现在的妳要的爱情则是，
爱的想法更妳一样的人，最好。
爱情里面，没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不爱了谁。
单纯的爱或许不简单，
但是要勉强去谈自己不认同的爱，欲更难。
妳并不是选择了单身，
而是选择了自己想要的爱情。
原来时针一直停留在他离开的那一天，
天气，电影或者音乐，中有让妳想起他的理由。”
取之《想念，却不想见的人》
Friday, July 10, 2015
Be your own sunshine
Entering July, my second semester in college, sometimes I would just drown myself in a vast sea and ponder how have I struggled and staggered through one of the toughest time in my life, question why would I choose to be here struggling to give my best academically. I always thought that "hey, I made the right decision for myself!" at the beginning but eventually I am engulfed by regret. I was just being myself, being stubborn and always believing in myself more than anyone. I was rebellious, I'm still am. You can't get away from it. But I'm glad I am. It correlates with my strong determination to pursue what I want, and be living dreams - loving what I live, doing what I love. Along the journey of self-discovery for the past few months, I gradually have a clearer picture of where I should belong to. Fame and perception have me bogged down all this while. I was being naive and innocent. I tend to follow the flow. I always wanted to be others.
Now, I know that's not what I should look up to, that's not what I want.
Indeed, I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to embark on this tough ride. Because it has made me grow stronger day by day, and driven me to be who I should be. I deserve better.
Expectations could be viewed negatively and positively. Anyone will eventually be so, incredibly tired of living up to expectations. This is how perceptions are involved; people would perceive you as a smart kid, an A student while expecting you to achieve even remarkable results. I was once there, chasing for all the As and neglecting the purpose of life.
Today, blinded by how realistic the society is, many people tend to have their perceptions as tools to influence others. I hated this much. As much as I don't know much about arts or humanities courses, I never despise them; in fact I try to learn as much as I could. But I would still meet people who are there trying hard to tell you to be "realistic" and not live your dreams. We may have totally distinct interest but it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you should be and what you should do. You are who you are.
Next, fame. Yeah you could have all the fame going to prestigious universities, leaving home and bidding farewell to your beloved family and friends. Your parents would be able to hold their head high up when they are asked of their child's whereabout, but on the other hand, financial capability will most probably be a major concern of many. It's a bare fact that no matter how incredibly excellent a person is, without money, you may have been confined to a narrower range of choices on what and where to pursue your degree. Naked truth hurts. Dreams may have to be washed down the drain or be kept aside as it all comes down to reality. However, one day, as long as you keep trying and keep believing, there's still a ray of hope, I believe.
"Forget all the reason why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will,"
your life belongs to you
Yours sincerely,
Mish
Now, I know that's not what I should look up to, that's not what I want.
Indeed, I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to embark on this tough ride. Because it has made me grow stronger day by day, and driven me to be who I should be. I deserve better.
Expectations could be viewed negatively and positively. Anyone will eventually be so, incredibly tired of living up to expectations. This is how perceptions are involved; people would perceive you as a smart kid, an A student while expecting you to achieve even remarkable results. I was once there, chasing for all the As and neglecting the purpose of life.
Today, blinded by how realistic the society is, many people tend to have their perceptions as tools to influence others. I hated this much. As much as I don't know much about arts or humanities courses, I never despise them; in fact I try to learn as much as I could. But I would still meet people who are there trying hard to tell you to be "realistic" and not live your dreams. We may have totally distinct interest but it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you should be and what you should do. You are who you are.
Next, fame. Yeah you could have all the fame going to prestigious universities, leaving home and bidding farewell to your beloved family and friends. Your parents would be able to hold their head high up when they are asked of their child's whereabout, but on the other hand, financial capability will most probably be a major concern of many. It's a bare fact that no matter how incredibly excellent a person is, without money, you may have been confined to a narrower range of choices on what and where to pursue your degree. Naked truth hurts. Dreams may have to be washed down the drain or be kept aside as it all comes down to reality. However, one day, as long as you keep trying and keep believing, there's still a ray of hope, I believe.
"Forget all the reason why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will,"
your life belongs to you
Yours sincerely,
Mish
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Love yourself more than anything
Given the opportunity for self-discovery, I realise I have so many things yet to be accomplish. There goes my bucket list, patiently waiting for me to complete them one by one. Perhaps this downfall is a reminder for me to search for my inner self and just do what I truly love. I no longer have to contemplate on what I should or should not do, nor to allocate time for others.
I know I'm on the right track now. I will just have to keep pushing, keep striving and be proud of myself. It's time for me to love myself more than anything.
Two more months till mock exam. Wish me luck!
I know I'm on the right track now. I will just have to keep pushing, keep striving and be proud of myself. It's time for me to love myself more than anything.
Two more months till mock exam. Wish me luck!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Happy Father's Day!
My dad has been my pillar of support since I was young. For every step I have taken, he's always there to give his greatest form of encouragement. Despite the lack of exchange of words, through actions, he has shown the most priceless kind of love to me.
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
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