Disclaimer: I did not abandon my blog, but caught up with lots of work up late. #sad
Well, I have lots of thoughts in mind. To pen them down, or to even articulate them will take me some time. (I'm very much known to my language teachers as someone who has an unorganized train of thought)
First off, I'm left with one week to Mock, one month and few weeks to A2. It has never ever been so intense and I have never felt so pressured. Somehow, I'm still trying my very best to cope, but I have been feeling like I'm on the verge of breaking down. The amount of workload gives me an immense pressure. While I'm working on the four heavy subjects which I'm taking, there are lots more miscellaneous things for me to handle ie. university stuff, scholarship application. Dragging myself to college, I'm stucked with lectures till 4pm because of extra classes, then as I head back home, it's already 5pm. I do my part of revision till 11pm and then I will settle the rest of the things. You can imagine how 'long' my sleeping hours would be. I agree that this will be a process which most people are going through, sooner I may live like this day in day out.
A2 is no joke. If AS was a breeze to you, A2 will be the storm. Maybe worse?
When we return for classes in January after a month break in December, we have to race against time to complete the syllabus, revise, do practices in five months since our exam is moved forward this year. Luck is not on us this round. Worse still, we will the first batch using the new syllabus so we basically have no clue of what the exam board is up to. This is how my stress level is piling.
It has come to a point that I really feel like giving up. It's just not me, not what I would do. I'm torn between my expectation and reality. Giving myself the responsibility to do my best means that I would go all out regardless of what circumstances. But will I be able to? It's not a promise that I would get superb grades of whatsoever, it's a goal which I set to motivate myself that I will do better than before. It has been a really long, tiring journey for the past one year. I have never felt so worn out, emotionally drained. Then again, I have never felt so elated, confident, touched and proud at some point of time. This concoction of feelings gives me the strength.
Deep down, I know that I won't give up. I won't lose this battle. As I work towards my goal, I hope to have made the best out of this journey. The end result doesn't matter much anymore.
If life is battle, you shall be the warrior.
If life is a voyage, you shall sail towards the lighthouse, even in pitch black, in raging storm, in wave turbulence.
There's no reason to give up.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
gracias
This year, I ushered in 2016 with mixed feeling. With many uncertainties and challenges ahead, I can't help but to be overwhelmed with anxiety. Besides completing A Level, I will be furthering my studies abroad. However, having conditional offer from the top universities also means that I have to go all out to meet the entrance requirements and hopefully, to secure a scholarship as I really do not want to burden my parents with the rocketed cost of living in London.
Also, I should embrace the whole new chapter in my life, one which will make my dreams come true. Ain't easy, but worthwhile after all. Last year this time, it was tough for me. Now, I have come to a point of appreciating what I have as there are many which I have taken granted for. Counting down to the months which I'm left with serves as a reminder for me to make the best out of them.
"Some people come in your life as blessing, some come in as life lessons."
Happy Valentine's Day!
Also, I should embrace the whole new chapter in my life, one which will make my dreams come true. Ain't easy, but worthwhile after all. Last year this time, it was tough for me. Now, I have come to a point of appreciating what I have as there are many which I have taken granted for. Counting down to the months which I'm left with serves as a reminder for me to make the best out of them.
"Some people come in your life as blessing, some come in as life lessons."
Happy Valentine's Day!
Saturday, January 16, 2016
You will be awed by your persistence
Time really really flies. I am 60% done with my university application. What's left is pretty much my final result, accepting an offer, visa application, air ticket and I'm ready to to go. To be really honest, I couldn't believe I have come so far. Persisting to the end is beyond difficult but I'm glad that I did not give up. I know what's best for myself and how much I should achieve.
After my AS results was released, I have mixed feelings for underachieving some of the subjects but I'm still pleased for the fact that I did fairly well overall. It does give me some relief and assurance to make it into a couple of universities of my choice in the United Kingdom with conditional offers.
With many of my friends leaving next month, it does hit me that it's my turn to leave home soon. I wouldn't want to be separated from my bunch of good friends and family to a place of nowhere, but this will be an opportunity for me to explore UK where I have been wanting to. It's a dream which (hopefully) will come true.
At this point of time, I gradually learn to cherish every outings, every meal I spent with my friends because it is already rare for us to meet each other up due to our current hectic schedule, and it will be worse when we in different continents in no time.
Going abroad to study is indeed a whole new experience. And choosing Biotechnology over other degree is the toughest, and firmest decision I have made for myself, and my future. It's not a field with good job prospects which may lead me to bad financial status when I start working and I don't see much perpetuating growth of biotechnology in my country. These two reasons are sufficient to put me into a really difficult situation. I should have not toyed with this idea since the beginning. I have friends and relatives convincing me to get out of this dead trap by "suggesting" other more money-making careers especially doctor. Then again, do I want the best for myself? What was my dream? To make the biggest contribution that I could to the society to improve the quality of lives. This has been my ultimate goal. I know that I have had an interest in this field and this is where I can stretch beyond my limit to do what I can in the most comfortable work setting. Without hesitation, I insisted that Biotechnology as my degree to be pursued and this has helped me to convince my parents even though I should have pursued other degrees to their suggestions. I am rather glad when my lecturer has been giving her greatest support ever since I expressed my interest in life science. If it was not her, I wouldn't have been so determined all this while.
To me, it's not about making a fortune with a degree from a prestige university which elevates your socioeconomic status, but how much you are able to make the best out of the knowledge that you have equipped yourself with. Money means everything, but it's also nothing. You are who you are, who you should be and who you must be - to be a better person who you yourself are proud of.
After my AS results was released, I have mixed feelings for underachieving some of the subjects but I'm still pleased for the fact that I did fairly well overall. It does give me some relief and assurance to make it into a couple of universities of my choice in the United Kingdom with conditional offers.
With many of my friends leaving next month, it does hit me that it's my turn to leave home soon. I wouldn't want to be separated from my bunch of good friends and family to a place of nowhere, but this will be an opportunity for me to explore UK where I have been wanting to. It's a dream which (hopefully) will come true.
At this point of time, I gradually learn to cherish every outings, every meal I spent with my friends because it is already rare for us to meet each other up due to our current hectic schedule, and it will be worse when we in different continents in no time.
Going abroad to study is indeed a whole new experience. And choosing Biotechnology over other degree is the toughest, and firmest decision I have made for myself, and my future. It's not a field with good job prospects which may lead me to bad financial status when I start working and I don't see much perpetuating growth of biotechnology in my country. These two reasons are sufficient to put me into a really difficult situation. I should have not toyed with this idea since the beginning. I have friends and relatives convincing me to get out of this dead trap by "suggesting" other more money-making careers especially doctor. Then again, do I want the best for myself? What was my dream? To make the biggest contribution that I could to the society to improve the quality of lives. This has been my ultimate goal. I know that I have had an interest in this field and this is where I can stretch beyond my limit to do what I can in the most comfortable work setting. Without hesitation, I insisted that Biotechnology as my degree to be pursued and this has helped me to convince my parents even though I should have pursued other degrees to their suggestions. I am rather glad when my lecturer has been giving her greatest support ever since I expressed my interest in life science. If it was not her, I wouldn't have been so determined all this while.
To me, it's not about making a fortune with a degree from a prestige university which elevates your socioeconomic status, but how much you are able to make the best out of the knowledge that you have equipped yourself with. Money means everything, but it's also nothing. You are who you are, who you should be and who you must be - to be a better person who you yourself are proud of.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Third Semester
Back to college means that I have to resume the intense, insanely stressful A2 life. One last semester to go and in five months time, we are all going to spread our wings, said my lecturer. True enough, luck was not on our side. The Cambridge Examination Board pushed our examination forward for the Summer papers and to make things even worse, all Pure Science students have their papers cramped up in two weeks. It's not a good way to start off the semester with every single lecturer expressing their concern over our upcoming Mock Examination which is approaching in less than three months.
I don't know whether I should be glad since the graduation day which I have been anticipating for is finally around the corner (maybe not) or I should the flustered for not having prepared for the major examination.
I got to admit that it's not only my studies which are breathing my neck, my university application, scholarship application and yadah yadah are also equally nerve-wrecking. With one conditional offer each from Bristol, Queensland and HKUST, making three offers in total, I can be considered to be rather safe and prepared for my university study. However, I'm hoping fervently for more replies. Not receiving an offer for my first choice in HKUST was tad disappointing and frustrating. My preparation and effort to enrol into the IRE programme were not sufficient for me to secure a place but it was a rather enriching experience to be interviewed.
I may not be able to keep up with my pace of blogging so frequently in last year due to other (serious, intense) commitment. Will be back real soon, hopefully with a good news!
I don't know whether I should be glad since the graduation day which I have been anticipating for is finally around the corner (maybe not) or I should the flustered for not having prepared for the major examination.
I got to admit that it's not only my studies which are breathing my neck, my university application, scholarship application and yadah yadah are also equally nerve-wrecking. With one conditional offer each from Bristol, Queensland and HKUST, making three offers in total, I can be considered to be rather safe and prepared for my university study. However, I'm hoping fervently for more replies. Not receiving an offer for my first choice in HKUST was tad disappointing and frustrating. My preparation and effort to enrol into the IRE programme were not sufficient for me to secure a place but it was a rather enriching experience to be interviewed.
I may not be able to keep up with my pace of blogging so frequently in last year due to other (serious, intense) commitment. Will be back real soon, hopefully with a good news!
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
2015 终
这一篇文章是为了好好地记录一下这一年里的点点滴滴。
要切实地形容2015莫过于比喻其为一段难忘的旅程。心情上的起伏很大，遇到的挫折，障碍很多，挫败感更是令我感到很泄气。想说，我在一年里的成长也真的很多很多。
伤痛的回忆我就想让它永远地停留在2015。曾经伤害我的人我也不曾深藏怨恨，有的仅仅是百般的失落。但我还是，打从心底地感恩这一段岁月造就了勇敢，坚强的我。
18岁，心境，思想也改变了不少。我最渴望的是纯真的快乐。被一桩桩事情打败，流下了不少成长的泪迹，我也得再次地爬起来。坚毅的精神再此地塑造了我。
思想上，我变得更加独立自主。不是我行我素，而是拥有了属于我的方向和旅程碑。或许所经历的还是留下了不少阴影，我渐渐地学会如何独自相处。虽然不算很健康，但与其一群朋友嘻嘻哈哈地论天说地，我还是很需要一个人慢慢地让思绪沉淀，让身上的包袱暂时放下。
心态上的成熟，身边的师友都见证了。不再傻里傻气，不再茫然，无自主的做下决定，更不再因为爱，失去了方向。不仅于此，我更学会如何的好好地爱自己，爱身边值得我爱的人。互相扶持，互相鼓励，互相成长，与朋友们的友情也算更完美了。
对我而言，真挚的友情不仅无价，更是我最珍惜的一份礼物。
非常非常的感谢他们一路上的陪伴和支持。
2015，我感恩感谢，我找到了自己。
2016，我衷心希望我会更有勇气地越过这更为挑战的一年。不管是友情，亲情，我会深深地锁入我的心坎。是否能够实现我的愿望，我默默地盼望着。
要切实地形容2015莫过于比喻其为一段难忘的旅程。心情上的起伏很大，遇到的挫折，障碍很多，挫败感更是令我感到很泄气。想说，我在一年里的成长也真的很多很多。
伤痛的回忆我就想让它永远地停留在2015。曾经伤害我的人我也不曾深藏怨恨，有的仅仅是百般的失落。但我还是，打从心底地感恩这一段岁月造就了勇敢，坚强的我。
18岁，心境，思想也改变了不少。我最渴望的是纯真的快乐。被一桩桩事情打败，流下了不少成长的泪迹，我也得再次地爬起来。坚毅的精神再此地塑造了我。
思想上，我变得更加独立自主。不是我行我素，而是拥有了属于我的方向和旅程碑。或许所经历的还是留下了不少阴影，我渐渐地学会如何独自相处。虽然不算很健康，但与其一群朋友嘻嘻哈哈地论天说地，我还是很需要一个人慢慢地让思绪沉淀，让身上的包袱暂时放下。
心态上的成熟，身边的师友都见证了。不再傻里傻气，不再茫然，无自主的做下决定，更不再因为爱，失去了方向。不仅于此，我更学会如何的好好地爱自己，爱身边值得我爱的人。互相扶持，互相鼓励，互相成长，与朋友们的友情也算更完美了。
对我而言，真挚的友情不仅无价，更是我最珍惜的一份礼物。
非常非常的感谢他们一路上的陪伴和支持。
2015，我感恩感谢，我找到了自己。
2016，我衷心希望我会更有勇气地越过这更为挑战的一年。不管是友情，亲情，我会深深地锁入我的心坎。是否能够实现我的愿望，我默默地盼望着。
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Hello, December.
Finally, I'm ushering the last month of 2015. It still overwhelms me how time flies, how much I have pulled through. Ain't an easy ride, ain't a smooth sailing but a journey worth taking. I accomplish little things day by day, ticking off my bucket list and trying out lots which I thought I am incapable of. Just pushing beyond my limits.
I no longer want to look back at my teenage years and have a tinge of regret. I'm making the best out of it, and also spending this last nine months in Malaysia well. Also, I took the initiative to foster some friendship which are worth keeping. Definitely no regrets. Many of them have inadvertently impacted me much or to the extend of being angles, who guided me through thick and thin. They are the bunch who provided me with lots of strength and courage. I can't thank them more.
In the blink of an eye, I'm transitioning into my last (insane and hectic) semester in college. It still feels like I graduated from high school not long ago. Yet, sooner I'm entering a new chapter - university. I see maturity grows, independence develops and positive vibe buds in myself. As much as I don't want to grow up so quickly, I do enjoy this journey as much as how it tore me apart, and made me shatter for countless times.
I no longer want to look back at my teenage years and have a tinge of regret. I'm making the best out of it, and also spending this last nine months in Malaysia well. Also, I took the initiative to foster some friendship which are worth keeping. Definitely no regrets. Many of them have inadvertently impacted me much or to the extend of being angles, who guided me through thick and thin. They are the bunch who provided me with lots of strength and courage. I can't thank them more.
In the blink of an eye, I'm transitioning into my last (insane and hectic) semester in college. It still feels like I graduated from high school not long ago. Yet, sooner I'm entering a new chapter - university. I see maturity grows, independence develops and positive vibe buds in myself. As much as I don't want to grow up so quickly, I do enjoy this journey as much as how it tore me apart, and made me shatter for countless times.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Be your own sunshine
As time passes, I find myself accustomed to solitude. It's the silence and comfort which I don't adore back then or perhaps haven't been able to appreciate. But, right now, being able to take a moment out of the crowd, out of the bustling college has been a pleasure. Sipping a cuppa in the comfiest tee, and reading or surfing the web while listening to my playlist is a leisure. It's an irreplaceable feeling.
When I finally had the time to catch up with my all time soul sister, we both totally agree that we need moment like these the most. Not to the extend of confining ourselves to four walls all day all night, it's just some time off for ourselves. No dealing with people which we are tired of, no giving in to little things and no broken heart. Why not?
Scurrying home after classes doesn't seem impressive. But, that's the way we roll.
Times like these have been really tiring and stressful. Having a tight schedule is no doubt exhausting. I doubt if anyone has not heard of "work hard, play hard". Oh well, play?! Not really. No way maybe. Welcome to the real world.
Haven't had a single thought of heading to whatever cool place like nightclubs for clubbing, nor to hang out at mamak till late nights. Sorry, these are not my kind of things.
I'm way more comfortable to have a book and lie on the lounge.
Call me a bookworm or lifeless? Mind you, you haven't known me long enough. Be judgmental if you like.
Just like how you can't force an adolescent to wear an infant's clothing, I enjoy being myself. Even if I have changed, I enjoy being who I am today, and in the years to come.
Positive thoughts are churning, negativity will be on its way to the past. It's for the better days to come afterall.
Not to forget, my university applications are all nailed, finally! *opening a champagne* (even if I don't touch alcohol haha) With a burden of the shoulder, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reply or an acceptance letter, pleaseeee.
Signing off, Mish. Till then.
When I finally had the time to catch up with my all time soul sister, we both totally agree that we need moment like these the most. Not to the extend of confining ourselves to four walls all day all night, it's just some time off for ourselves. No dealing with people which we are tired of, no giving in to little things and no broken heart. Why not?
Scurrying home after classes doesn't seem impressive. But, that's the way we roll.
Times like these have been really tiring and stressful. Having a tight schedule is no doubt exhausting. I doubt if anyone has not heard of "work hard, play hard". Oh well, play?! Not really. No way maybe. Welcome to the real world.
Haven't had a single thought of heading to whatever cool place like nightclubs for clubbing, nor to hang out at mamak till late nights. Sorry, these are not my kind of things.
I'm way more comfortable to have a book and lie on the lounge.
Call me a bookworm or lifeless? Mind you, you haven't known me long enough. Be judgmental if you like.
Just like how you can't force an adolescent to wear an infant's clothing, I enjoy being myself. Even if I have changed, I enjoy being who I am today, and in the years to come.
Positive thoughts are churning, negativity will be on its way to the past. It's for the better days to come afterall.
Not to forget, my university applications are all nailed, finally! *opening a champagne* (even if I don't touch alcohol haha) With a burden of the shoulder, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reply or an acceptance letter, pleaseeee.
Signing off, Mish. Till then.
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