There's always emotional nights with a roller coaster ride of feeling engulfing me. Perhaps it's really time for me to put down everything and let go of all the burdens, emotions and just have some time for myself after tomorrow. I should really put the two weeks of holiday into good use before embarking on an even more challenging journey.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
What have crossed my path
Just wanted to take some time off from my mundane routine (seriously don't expect an 'interesting' life if you aim to score really well haha). Well, I wasn't really into blogging lately with quite a number of commitments while juggling with my studies. I got to say studies, books, classes won't bring you anywhere in life or in the near future which won't be too far away. You might be able to get into the best university in the world with top scores but but where you will be after your university days? Not to be judgmental but I have seen and heard people around me who have graduated from the best universities in the UK (you know who they are) ended up being lecturers. Well, without these brainy people as educators, there won't be me and you who are able to study up to secondary and tertiary education. On the other hand, it also doesn't mean that by enrolling into a mediocre universities, you can go really far and be the world richest billionaire in split seconds.
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
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