There's always emotional nights with a roller coaster ride of feeling engulfing me. Perhaps it's really time for me to put down everything and let go of all the burdens, emotions and just have some time for myself after tomorrow. I should really put the two weeks of holiday into good use before embarking on an even more challenging journey.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
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