Given the opportunity for self-discovery, I realise I have so many things yet to be accomplish. There goes my bucket list, patiently waiting for me to complete them one by one. Perhaps this downfall is a reminder for me to search for my inner self and just do what I truly love. I no longer have to contemplate on what I should or should not do, nor to allocate time for others.
I know I'm on the right track now. I will just have to keep pushing, keep striving and be proud of myself. It's time for me to love myself more than anything.
Two more months till mock exam. Wish me luck!
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Happy Father's Day!
My dad has been my pillar of support since I was young. For every step I have taken, he's always there to give his greatest form of encouragement. Despite the lack of exchange of words, through actions, he has shown the most priceless kind of love to me.
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
Friday, June 19, 2015
相信
我，选择了相信属于我的梦想和理想。
我，只想用双手彩绘出属于我的未来。
再苦再累，只有往前走，我才能创出我渴望的一片天空。
《我值得快乐》
我站在这个路口 往回还是继续走
决定让自己逆流 原谅我
没有把握 去捡起我的软弱
散落一地 任它 别再拼凑
我穿越这座山丘 开始也是个尽头
时间是一个沙漏 不停留
没有理由 去掩饰我很执著
韧性一身 漂泊 有话直说
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
再见吧我的孩子气 再见面我依然清晰
别讨厌我 现在说话(肯定)的语气
请相信我也可以 走到梦的目的地
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
演唱：Nicole赖淞凤
词曲：戴佩妮
编曲：李祥熙
製作人：彭学斌
我，只想用双手彩绘出属于我的未来。
再苦再累，只有往前走，我才能创出我渴望的一片天空。
《我值得快乐》
我站在这个路口 往回还是继续走
决定让自己逆流 原谅我
没有把握 去捡起我的软弱
散落一地 任它 别再拼凑
我穿越这座山丘 开始也是个尽头
时间是一个沙漏 不停留
没有理由 去掩饰我很执著
韧性一身 漂泊 有话直说
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
再见吧我的孩子气 再见面我依然清晰
别讨厌我 现在说话(肯定)的语气
请相信我也可以 走到梦的目的地
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
演唱：Nicole赖淞凤
词曲：戴佩妮
编曲：李祥熙
製作人：彭学斌
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Moving on
As I stumbled upon others' life experiences shared on the Internet, it would make me drown in my thoughts as I churn in every single emotion of the writer. I have been in their shoes, have totally felt the way they fell, have been all hopeless, agonized, and remorseful. I have been like them, once, perhaps twice.
As I hold my head high and walk through the darkest days, courage gives me all I need to stand up on my two feet, again. It was never easy, but I'm able to keep pushing myself forward, till the very end where I will be incredibly pleased at how far I have walked through.
A piece of advice; keep believing in yourself and have faith in your ability. Embrace yourself, love yourself and appreciate people who love you from the bottom from their hearts.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Second semester
Having a semester break, a short one, still makes me appreciate the luxury of being able to blog whenever I like. Was pretty caught up with quite a number of problems make me not a really happy person. Just not the kind of genuine happy. I've always told myself now and then, I will be happy because I'm happy and not because I want to.
So in less than a week time, I will be entering the second semester of A-Level. Haven't been truly enjoying college because of the ever-suffocating workload, I'm glad to be able to take just some time off this holiday although I still have some work on hand to complete. Perhaps next semester will be a better one and a brand new start for me, with a whole new perspective and motivation. Despite having to face AS, IELTS and CAE exams (all three in one semester!), and not to forget to intimidating university application (one of which I love and hate at the most), I still wanna seize every single moment of this six months as without realising, 2016 will be approaching. And perhaps after AS, I will have a wayyy longer semester break and more precious family time when my brother lands on homeland after 10 months. Entering the age of 18, besides learning the juggle with my own problems, time spent with family and friends especially those I'm not able to been that often is one of which I truly appreciate the most. You never know or without realising, it's time to bid farewell. With a heavy heart (a sunken feeling), 2016 is most probably a hardest time to settle down when most of my peeps will be embarking on their universities life in different countries, and maybe I will be apart of them as well. It's totally impossible for me to be at the same place with all of them, just a handful of them. Whereas, most of my dearest friends, will most probably be staying here at our homeland. It's heart-breaking not being able to explore a whole new world with them but the idea of being able to come home to them once a while still comforts me much.
Here I have listed out the countries which I will be handing in my university application real soon, and I decided to keep the names a secret until I make my decision (or you can ask me personally if you are really that desperate):
1. the United Kingdom, of majestic English buildings and Malaysians-try-to-copy British accent
2. Australia, where kangaroos and koalas fascinate me
3. Canada, where one of the major city located along the vast blue sea in the lush green forests gives me a rustic yet enjoyable kind of feeling
4. Hong Kong, a bustling city which have many undiscovered and hidden gems
5. Singapore, just our neighboring county!
6. Malaysia, how can I forget my homeland
So in less than a week time, I will be entering the second semester of A-Level. Haven't been truly enjoying college because of the ever-suffocating workload, I'm glad to be able to take just some time off this holiday although I still have some work on hand to complete. Perhaps next semester will be a better one and a brand new start for me, with a whole new perspective and motivation. Despite having to face AS, IELTS and CAE exams (all three in one semester!), and not to forget to intimidating university application (one of which I love and hate at the most), I still wanna seize every single moment of this six months as without realising, 2016 will be approaching. And perhaps after AS, I will have a wayyy longer semester break and more precious family time when my brother lands on homeland after 10 months. Entering the age of 18, besides learning the juggle with my own problems, time spent with family and friends especially those I'm not able to been that often is one of which I truly appreciate the most. You never know or without realising, it's time to bid farewell. With a heavy heart (a sunken feeling), 2016 is most probably a hardest time to settle down when most of my peeps will be embarking on their universities life in different countries, and maybe I will be apart of them as well. It's totally impossible for me to be at the same place with all of them, just a handful of them. Whereas, most of my dearest friends, will most probably be staying here at our homeland. It's heart-breaking not being able to explore a whole new world with them but the idea of being able to come home to them once a while still comforts me much.
Here I have listed out the countries which I will be handing in my university application real soon, and I decided to keep the names a secret until I make my decision (or you can ask me personally if you are really that desperate):
1. the United Kingdom, of majestic English buildings and Malaysians-try-to-copy British accent
2. Australia, where kangaroos and koalas fascinate me
3. Canada, where one of the major city located along the vast blue sea in the lush green forests gives me a rustic yet enjoyable kind of feeling
4. Hong Kong, a bustling city which have many undiscovered and hidden gems
5. Singapore, just our neighboring county!
6. Malaysia, how can I forget my homeland
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Hello June!
I'm in the midst of my semester break and after these two weeks, I have to gear up and push myself for the upcoming examinations. Well, to think about it, no matter how much a struggle life was for the past five months, in a blink of an eye, it's already mid of the year. Perhaps tough time doesn't last? (this must be a joke haha) I'm JUST pulling through AS, imagine A2. As daunting as it is, I have to work even harder, because I know this is my boarding pass to embark on a new journey, to my dream destination. No matter where it is, I have opened up many doors (and even back-up plans), more like a game strategy honestly because I have reminded myself I could aim high, but regardless of which I'm going to achieve, whether it's my dream place or not, I have put my best foot forward and I should embrace my future. Even if it's due to other personal constraints and not because of my results, I have learn to accept it. Isn't this life all about? Accept it and move on?
Having some time to myself these two weeks, I preferred to stay at home to do some work, some researches and put my thoughts together to reflect on the path that I have chosen to walk. I would say I have and have no regrets for it. The reason behind it absolutely brings out the best out of me while on the other hand, maybe I should have been who I want to be and held on to some principles of mine. I was easily swayed away once I'm convinced. I wouldn't bee in the spot I am today, excruciatingly facing the problems laden on my shoulder, if I have taken a firm stand. But, if it wasn't this nature of mine, I would not grow stronger and learn from every experience which I gain tremendously. It's just a part and parcel of life. I fell for countless times, and I just have to pick myself up, walk out of it, learn from it, grow from it and be a better person after all? No one is to be blamed; a lesson which I have learn. No hatred should be involved in this process. Even if I would think that I was deeply betrayed or cheated on, and whether it's true or not, it's not up to me to make a judgement. Even if it's proved to be true, am I left with a choice to take a revenge? The answer is no, this is not a fight. I can be angry for a moment but after that, I'll accept what I'm destined for. It's just fate. Like I don't particularly care how I'm judged, unless it's an advice which I will heed.
After all these, after an 'eventful' month, I came to a realization that this is what I will be walking through as I enter adulthood. To list a couple of adjectives from my personal experience, it will be: painful, frustrated, disappointed, helpless.....that sound pretty negative but it was a 'good' experience as I said, I grow from it. Lesson learn - believe in yourself more than anyone. Quoting one of my favorite quote, "stormy days don't last", no matter how tough it is to pull through it, I believe that one day, when I'm living my dream, I will be able to look back at how much I have grown and be proud of myself. Many prefer to say that life is unfair, buttt I won't put it in this way. I rather take it as life has placed each distinct individual on different path for he or she to walk, some may have a bed of roses, some may just have to pick up themselves and never give up. Even if we are envious of others, just keep telling yourself, since I'm destined for this, I'm given the advantage to savor the bitter part of it first before I'm on par with those who are enjoying life. I have used "savor" because it's definitely a self-discovering journey.
To end this rather emotional post, I take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have made me who I am today. Special shout out to all my close friends out there, specifically those whom I have fostered a strong bond with throughout my high school years, thank you so much for shining light on me, guiding me, and dawn me with realization that I am never alone and teaching me so much of things (keeping some things personal here!) some of you are truly blessings to me because I wouldn't know how to face all these without you guys. A message, a phone call means more than anything to me. You guys made me realise that friendship is something which I should never lose and be taken granted of. I sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings if I have done any for the past one year. Thank you for staying by my side through thick and thin. Much love for all of you, especially Xinyuan, Ziyin, Zhiying, Eunice, Jia Yee, Wing Yee, Jocelyn, Jun Xiang, Victor, Jaryl, Kiat Shen. Once again, thanks guys!
Having some time to myself these two weeks, I preferred to stay at home to do some work, some researches and put my thoughts together to reflect on the path that I have chosen to walk. I would say I have and have no regrets for it. The reason behind it absolutely brings out the best out of me while on the other hand, maybe I should have been who I want to be and held on to some principles of mine. I was easily swayed away once I'm convinced. I wouldn't bee in the spot I am today, excruciatingly facing the problems laden on my shoulder, if I have taken a firm stand. But, if it wasn't this nature of mine, I would not grow stronger and learn from every experience which I gain tremendously. It's just a part and parcel of life. I fell for countless times, and I just have to pick myself up, walk out of it, learn from it, grow from it and be a better person after all? No one is to be blamed; a lesson which I have learn. No hatred should be involved in this process. Even if I would think that I was deeply betrayed or cheated on, and whether it's true or not, it's not up to me to make a judgement. Even if it's proved to be true, am I left with a choice to take a revenge? The answer is no, this is not a fight. I can be angry for a moment but after that, I'll accept what I'm destined for. It's just fate. Like I don't particularly care how I'm judged, unless it's an advice which I will heed.
After all these, after an 'eventful' month, I came to a realization that this is what I will be walking through as I enter adulthood. To list a couple of adjectives from my personal experience, it will be: painful, frustrated, disappointed, helpless.....that sound pretty negative but it was a 'good' experience as I said, I grow from it. Lesson learn - believe in yourself more than anyone. Quoting one of my favorite quote, "stormy days don't last", no matter how tough it is to pull through it, I believe that one day, when I'm living my dream, I will be able to look back at how much I have grown and be proud of myself. Many prefer to say that life is unfair, buttt I won't put it in this way. I rather take it as life has placed each distinct individual on different path for he or she to walk, some may have a bed of roses, some may just have to pick up themselves and never give up. Even if we are envious of others, just keep telling yourself, since I'm destined for this, I'm given the advantage to savor the bitter part of it first before I'm on par with those who are enjoying life. I have used "savor" because it's definitely a self-discovering journey.
To end this rather emotional post, I take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have made me who I am today. Special shout out to all my close friends out there, specifically those whom I have fostered a strong bond with throughout my high school years, thank you so much for shining light on me, guiding me, and dawn me with realization that I am never alone and teaching me so much of things (keeping some things personal here!) some of you are truly blessings to me because I wouldn't know how to face all these without you guys. A message, a phone call means more than anything to me. You guys made me realise that friendship is something which I should never lose and be taken granted of. I sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings if I have done any for the past one year. Thank you for staying by my side through thick and thin. Much love for all of you, especially Xinyuan, Ziyin, Zhiying, Eunice, Jia Yee, Wing Yee, Jocelyn, Jun Xiang, Victor, Jaryl, Kiat Shen. Once again, thanks guys!
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Back to reality
I just came back from a pretty short getaway in Penang and I finally got to meet my friend back from high school. It's pretty much a trip for me to let down my hair and to divert my attention from all the workload which is still pilling up. Anyway, it's still one of the most enjoyable trip.
So, other than working on my studies, I have to sort of complete my research on universities and have rough idea on where I should head to. "Live my dream" is always what I believe in as I know a couple years down the road, I just want to be living a decent life which I have no qualms of. I may or may not be making a good fortune out of my career but most importantly, I'm happy and proud of myself. I know choosing biomedical science as my first degree doesn't really gives me a "hopeful" future with "satisfying" pay or not even a path which many will not even take. I receive undesirable comments as knowing that it's not as popular as the usual professions such as medical and pharmacy, people start to question my decision. I just want to say I will take responsible for my decision, I'm sure I have no regrets because in the next few year of university life, I will be having the most exciting experience.
Next, it all comes down to financial problems. You have prestigious and renowned city university, you also have a more homely student town university. Which ti opt for? In terms of tuition fee, without doubt, city university is always on the high side, reaching 20k pound per year (approximately RM120,000) and this does not include other living cost. I don't see the need to spend a fortune to enter a top notch university if I won't be able to make the best out of my university life. Fame, is all that people look up to in today's society. "Hey, he graduated from Ox----/ Cam-----/ Har---- (the list goes on), he must be a genius!" That's the perception which everyone has. Even I did, back when I was young. Well, it's not about to going to the "BEST" university because perhaps ten years from that, you will be living the same life as everyone else. Who cares whether you are a graduate from these schools or not if you absolutely can't see a VERY bright future upon graduation. I'm leaving it to fate and luck whether I am able to embark on this challenging journey.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed :)
So, other than working on my studies, I have to sort of complete my research on universities and have rough idea on where I should head to. "Live my dream" is always what I believe in as I know a couple years down the road, I just want to be living a decent life which I have no qualms of. I may or may not be making a good fortune out of my career but most importantly, I'm happy and proud of myself. I know choosing biomedical science as my first degree doesn't really gives me a "hopeful" future with "satisfying" pay or not even a path which many will not even take. I receive undesirable comments as knowing that it's not as popular as the usual professions such as medical and pharmacy, people start to question my decision. I just want to say I will take responsible for my decision, I'm sure I have no regrets because in the next few year of university life, I will be having the most exciting experience.
Next, it all comes down to financial problems. You have prestigious and renowned city university, you also have a more homely student town university. Which ti opt for? In terms of tuition fee, without doubt, city university is always on the high side, reaching 20k pound per year (approximately RM120,000) and this does not include other living cost. I don't see the need to spend a fortune to enter a top notch university if I won't be able to make the best out of my university life. Fame, is all that people look up to in today's society. "Hey, he graduated from Ox----/ Cam-----/ Har---- (the list goes on), he must be a genius!" That's the perception which everyone has. Even I did, back when I was young. Well, it's not about to going to the "BEST" university because perhaps ten years from that, you will be living the same life as everyone else. Who cares whether you are a graduate from these schools or not if you absolutely can't see a VERY bright future upon graduation. I'm leaving it to fate and luck whether I am able to embark on this challenging journey.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed :)
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