I'm in the midst of my semester break and after these two weeks, I have to gear up and push myself for the upcoming examinations. Well, to think about it, no matter how much a struggle life was for the past five months, in a blink of an eye, it's already mid of the year. Perhaps tough time doesn't last? (this must be a joke haha) I'm JUST pulling through AS, imagine A2. As daunting as it is, I have to work even harder, because I know this is my boarding pass to embark on a new journey, to my dream destination. No matter where it is, I have opened up many doors (and even back-up plans), more like a game strategy honestly because I have reminded myself I could aim high, but regardless of which I'm going to achieve, whether it's my dream place or not, I have put my best foot forward and I should embrace my future. Even if it's due to other personal constraints and not because of my results, I have learn to accept it. Isn't this life all about? Accept it and move on?
Having some time to myself these two weeks, I preferred to stay at home to do some work, some researches and put my thoughts together to reflect on the path that I have chosen to walk. I would say I have and have no regrets for it. The reason behind it absolutely brings out the best out of me while on the other hand, maybe I should have been who I want to be and held on to some principles of mine. I was easily swayed away once I'm convinced. I wouldn't bee in the spot I am today, excruciatingly facing the problems laden on my shoulder, if I have taken a firm stand. But, if it wasn't this nature of mine, I would not grow stronger and learn from every experience which I gain tremendously. It's just a part and parcel of life. I fell for countless times, and I just have to pick myself up, walk out of it, learn from it, grow from it and be a better person after all? No one is to be blamed; a lesson which I have learn. No hatred should be involved in this process. Even if I would think that I was deeply betrayed or cheated on, and whether it's true or not, it's not up to me to make a judgement. Even if it's proved to be true, am I left with a choice to take a revenge? The answer is no, this is not a fight. I can be angry for a moment but after that, I'll accept what I'm destined for. It's just fate. Like I don't particularly care how I'm judged, unless it's an advice which I will heed.
After all these, after an 'eventful' month, I came to a realization that this is what I will be walking through as I enter adulthood. To list a couple of adjectives from my personal experience, it will be: painful, frustrated, disappointed, helpless.....that sound pretty negative but it was a 'good' experience as I said, I grow from it. Lesson learn - believe in yourself more than anyone. Quoting one of my favorite quote, "stormy days don't last", no matter how tough it is to pull through it, I believe that one day, when I'm living my dream, I will be able to look back at how much I have grown and be proud of myself. Many prefer to say that life is unfair, buttt I won't put it in this way. I rather take it as life has placed each distinct individual on different path for he or she to walk, some may have a bed of roses, some may just have to pick up themselves and never give up. Even if we are envious of others, just keep telling yourself, since I'm destined for this, I'm given the advantage to savor the bitter part of it first before I'm on par with those who are enjoying life. I have used "savor" because it's definitely a self-discovering journey.
To end this rather emotional post, I take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have made me who I am today. Special shout out to all my close friends out there, specifically those whom I have fostered a strong bond with throughout my high school years, thank you so much for shining light on me, guiding me, and dawn me with realization that I am never alone and teaching me so much of things (keeping some things personal here!) some of you are truly blessings to me because I wouldn't know how to face all these without you guys. A message, a phone call means more than anything to me. You guys made me realise that friendship is something which I should never lose and be taken granted of. I sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings if I have done any for the past one year. Thank you for staying by my side through thick and thin. Much love for all of you, especially Xinyuan, Ziyin, Zhiying, Eunice, Jia Yee, Wing Yee, Jocelyn, Jun Xiang, Victor, Jaryl, Kiat Shen. Once again, thanks guys!
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