Entering July, my second semester in college, sometimes I would just drown myself in a vast sea and ponder how have I struggled and staggered through one of the toughest time in my life, question why would I choose to be here struggling to give my best academically. I always thought that "hey, I made the right decision for myself!" at the beginning but eventually I am engulfed by regret. I was just being myself, being stubborn and always believing in myself more than anyone. I was rebellious, I'm still am. You can't get away from it. But I'm glad I am. It correlates with my strong determination to pursue what I want, and be living dreams - loving what I live, doing what I love. Along the journey of self-discovery for the past few months, I gradually have a clearer picture of where I should belong to. Fame and perception have me bogged down all this while. I was being naive and innocent. I tend to follow the flow. I always wanted to be others.
Now, I know that's not what I should look up to, that's not what I want.
Indeed, I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to embark on this tough ride. Because it has made me grow stronger day by day, and driven me to be who I should be. I deserve better.
Expectations could be viewed negatively and positively. Anyone will eventually be so, incredibly tired of living up to expectations. This is how perceptions are involved; people would perceive you as a smart kid, an A student while expecting you to achieve even remarkable results. I was once there, chasing for all the As and neglecting the purpose of life.
Today, blinded by how realistic the society is, many people tend to have their perceptions as tools to influence others. I hated this much. As much as I don't know much about arts or humanities courses, I never despise them; in fact I try to learn as much as I could. But I would still meet people who are there trying hard to tell you to be "realistic" and not live your dreams. We may have totally distinct interest but it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you should be and what you should do. You are who you are.
Next, fame. Yeah you could have all the fame going to prestigious universities, leaving home and bidding farewell to your beloved family and friends. Your parents would be able to hold their head high up when they are asked of their child's whereabout, but on the other hand, financial capability will most probably be a major concern of many. It's a bare fact that no matter how incredibly excellent a person is, without money, you may have been confined to a narrower range of choices on what and where to pursue your degree. Naked truth hurts. Dreams may have to be washed down the drain or be kept aside as it all comes down to reality. However, one day, as long as you keep trying and keep believing, there's still a ray of hope, I believe.
"Forget all the reason why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will,"
your life belongs to you
Yours sincerely,
Mish
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