Having a semester break, a short one, still makes me appreciate the luxury of being able to blog whenever I like. Was pretty caught up with quite a number of problems make me not a really happy person. Just not the kind of genuine happy. I've always told myself now and then, I will be happy because I'm happy and not because I want to.
So in less than a week time, I will be entering the second semester of A-Level. Haven't been truly enjoying college because of the ever-suffocating workload, I'm glad to be able to take just some time off this holiday although I still have some work on hand to complete. Perhaps next semester will be a better one and a brand new start for me, with a whole new perspective and motivation. Despite having to face AS, IELTS and CAE exams (all three in one semester!), and not to forget to intimidating university application (one of which I love and hate at the most), I still wanna seize every single moment of this six months as without realising, 2016 will be approaching. And perhaps after AS, I will have a wayyy longer semester break and more precious family time when my brother lands on homeland after 10 months. Entering the age of 18, besides learning the juggle with my own problems, time spent with family and friends especially those I'm not able to been that often is one of which I truly appreciate the most. You never know or without realising, it's time to bid farewell. With a heavy heart (a sunken feeling), 2016 is most probably a hardest time to settle down when most of my peeps will be embarking on their universities life in different countries, and maybe I will be apart of them as well. It's totally impossible for me to be at the same place with all of them, just a handful of them. Whereas, most of my dearest friends, will most probably be staying here at our homeland. It's heart-breaking not being able to explore a whole new world with them but the idea of being able to come home to them once a while still comforts me much.
Here I have listed out the countries which I will be handing in my university application real soon, and I decided to keep the names a secret until I make my decision (or you can ask me personally if you are really that desperate):
1. the United Kingdom, of majestic English buildings and Malaysians-try-to-copy British accent
2. Australia, where kangaroos and koalas fascinate me
3. Canada, where one of the major city located along the vast blue sea in the lush green forests gives me a rustic yet enjoyable kind of feeling
4. Hong Kong, a bustling city which have many undiscovered and hidden gems
5. Singapore, just our neighboring county!
6. Malaysia, how can I forget my homeland
Showing posts with label College. Show all posts
Showing posts with label College. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
A rather emotional night
There's always emotional nights with a roller coaster ride of feeling engulfing me. Perhaps it's really time for me to put down everything and let go of all the burdens, emotions and just have some time for myself after tomorrow. I should really put the two weeks of holiday into good use before embarking on an even more challenging journey.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
Friday, May 15, 2015
What have crossed my path
Just wanted to take some time off from my mundane routine (seriously don't expect an 'interesting' life if you aim to score really well haha). Well, I wasn't really into blogging lately with quite a number of commitments while juggling with my studies. I got to say studies, books, classes won't bring you anywhere in life or in the near future which won't be too far away. You might be able to get into the best university in the world with top scores but but where you will be after your university days? Not to be judgmental but I have seen and heard people around me who have graduated from the best universities in the UK (you know who they are) ended up being lecturers. Well, without these brainy people as educators, there won't be me and you who are able to study up to secondary and tertiary education. On the other hand, it also doesn't mean that by enrolling into a mediocre universities, you can go really far and be the world richest billionaire in split seconds.
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
Friday, April 24, 2015
A grin hides the pain
It has truly been a tough time for me, I would say. Being real honest, being strong is the only choice I have. I could have broken down at any point of time, I could have shed tears, but I don't deserve to place myself in such a situation. Words can't express how much I am feeling for the past few weeks. I smiled, I laughed and joked around with my friends in college. I hope that makes it easier for me to pull though the toughest time. However, whenever I start pondering, feelings overwhelmed me. I don't know how long it's going to take for me to get over it. What more choices I'm left with other than being the tough girl.
I'm truly grateful for my bunch of friends who are always there for me on the stormy days. I'm so thankful to be blessed with such friendships since high schools. At such a time, they could come to me and comforted me with all their might. Though they can't help me much, I feel loved and appreciated when they could come and tell me that they have my back. Thank you, guys.
I just got to say the relationship has lasted for a year, and just when it was our one year, it struck me really hard when it was the end to it as well. Frustration and disappointment wrench my heart whenever I though of how much we have been through. I just got to say, one year may sound easy to anyone else out there but if you were in my shoes, you would feel it differently. From talking over the phone to getting together secretly, breaking up, a heated argument and our trip down north during the holiday. All the memories were created together. I constantly reminded myself how lucky I am to be blessed with someone who love me eternally. I have no qualms on why we have to embark on a LDR. I accepted it as it was with a simple reason, I want the best for you. I gave my full support for you, from preparing for your departure to helping you to settle down in the UK. Despite missing you terribly, I walked extra miles to be your pillar of support as I knew you need me more than I do. I kept my problems so that you could see the smiley girl who you wanted to see. Much sacrifices and thoughts I have put in in the LDR, which is one I have no regrets of. LDR was all tough. It's the truth. If I'm give a choice, it's one that I will never want to pull through. But, I will say struggling with the last four months more than a challenge. You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have. When tears are about to trickle, you just have to take it easy and tell yourself all will be fine. You know you have to walk through a lot of things alone and have countless problems laden on your shoulder. Even when you are just so stressed up, you have to take things one at a time.
Being a girl and able to pull through all these by holding on to faith, hope and trust, I absolutely have no regrets. It was truly a life lesson for me to be courageous and be brave, which I have learnt tremendously. Thank you for giving me the best time of my life. No matter where you will be and where I will be, I still hope for the best for you, as you were someone who I truly love and am grateful for. I may not be the perfect one you are looking for, but I believe one day life will take me to somewhere, someone who will be able to love me, appreciate me and care for me for the entirety of his life. Now, I am given the freedom to pursue my dreams in other parts of the world and set free to count the little things and moments which I may have neglected for the past one year. Moving on is not easy but one step at a time, I will pull though it. Thank you for bringing the best out of me.
Keep smiling. Make them wonder how you are still smiling.
I'm truly grateful for my bunch of friends who are always there for me on the stormy days. I'm so thankful to be blessed with such friendships since high schools. At such a time, they could come to me and comforted me with all their might. Though they can't help me much, I feel loved and appreciated when they could come and tell me that they have my back. Thank you, guys.
I just got to say the relationship has lasted for a year, and just when it was our one year, it struck me really hard when it was the end to it as well. Frustration and disappointment wrench my heart whenever I though of how much we have been through. I just got to say, one year may sound easy to anyone else out there but if you were in my shoes, you would feel it differently. From talking over the phone to getting together secretly, breaking up, a heated argument and our trip down north during the holiday. All the memories were created together. I constantly reminded myself how lucky I am to be blessed with someone who love me eternally. I have no qualms on why we have to embark on a LDR. I accepted it as it was with a simple reason, I want the best for you. I gave my full support for you, from preparing for your departure to helping you to settle down in the UK. Despite missing you terribly, I walked extra miles to be your pillar of support as I knew you need me more than I do. I kept my problems so that you could see the smiley girl who you wanted to see. Much sacrifices and thoughts I have put in in the LDR, which is one I have no regrets of. LDR was all tough. It's the truth. If I'm give a choice, it's one that I will never want to pull through. But, I will say struggling with the last four months more than a challenge. You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have. When tears are about to trickle, you just have to take it easy and tell yourself all will be fine. You know you have to walk through a lot of things alone and have countless problems laden on your shoulder. Even when you are just so stressed up, you have to take things one at a time.
Being a girl and able to pull through all these by holding on to faith, hope and trust, I absolutely have no regrets. It was truly a life lesson for me to be courageous and be brave, which I have learnt tremendously. Thank you for giving me the best time of my life. No matter where you will be and where I will be, I still hope for the best for you, as you were someone who I truly love and am grateful for. I may not be the perfect one you are looking for, but I believe one day life will take me to somewhere, someone who will be able to love me, appreciate me and care for me for the entirety of his life. Now, I am given the freedom to pursue my dreams in other parts of the world and set free to count the little things and moments which I may have neglected for the past one year. Moving on is not easy but one step at a time, I will pull though it. Thank you for bringing the best out of me.
Keep smiling. Make them wonder how you are still smiling.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
New year, new beginnings
2015 a whole new year for me. I'm hitting new milestones such as to be in college and becoming an Omega Leo as well as unlocking a new challenge in my relationship. It's time for me to learn and grow even more. I have always preferred to be in my comfort zone. Speaking of socializing, I'm awkwardly shy. More towards a listener and a doer, I will quietly listen when there's a group conversation going on or a discussion (devastatingly, this fails me badly during a scholarship interview). This is the time when I will observe and put my thoughts together to weigh the ideas before I give my point of view. I won't say that this is a strength of mine as this habit of me eventually makes me less carefree when speaking and also I eventually becomes afraid of voicing out because I will judge myself before others do.
After today's first Leo general meeting, I had the opportunity to meet new friends and mingle around with this new bunch of fun seniors. We had something sort of like a fellowship lunch and dessert session. Though I was terribly tired after the long day, I will definitely take it as a well-spent day! Most of all, transitioning from an Alpha to an Omega Leo is another journey for self development. Being a Leo for the past three years has been a life-changing experience as I have always mentioned. It's more than meeting new people, giving back to the society and picking up leadership skills. Without doubts, the one thing that I enjoy and appreciate the most through being a Leo is to truly able to know who I am and what I'm able to do. In other words, it's more of a platform for find out my potentials. Through this, I aim to be a better person and gain the long-lost confidence of mine. Haha.
New year, new beginnings. One of my leo senior put up with the idea that all of us should ponder: what's our aim/goal in the club? And so, it sort of gives me the inspiration to have new life goals for the year.
1. Or course, be a better person! Improve my weaknesses such being an emotional doer, judgemental and self-centered
2. Cure the negativity in me (not a single thought of it) and be a more positive person such as to be more carefree, cheerful and happy-go-lucky
3. To live my life to the fullest. That's what I have been trying to do for the past one year and now, I'll be making the best out of the best. What I meant 'to the fullest' is making every single that I lived worthwhile like doing a small gesture to make someone's day.
4. To stay strong! Both physically and mentally. First, I have been leading quite a sedentary lifestyle for the past three years by quitting sport activities for studies or other sorts of 'relaxation'. So, I guess it's time for me to be right on the track to be a fitter person and for me to unwind myself after a day in college.
While for mentally, it has been 11 days since my bf has left for London for college. Sadly, we have to start a LDR which is a whole new challenge for us. Now, we both have to juggle up studies and relationship. Well, it's never an excuse for us to give up on it after what we had been through but it's a journey that we'll walk through together.
5. Appreciate what I'm blessed with; my family, friends and my love one. At this time of my life, there's so much for me to truly be appreciative of, even a single act of them counts a lot to me. I have left highschool and those friendships that can be kept going make me feel so grateful. While for my family, I have learnt to foster a better relationship with them. And also, be thankful for my love one who relentlessly pull through the hurdles with me and putting up with me.
6. Most most most importantly, college! I will definitely prioritize my studies beside from enjoying college life. A Levels is claimed to be one of the toughest of all the per-university course *sobs* but oh well, it's not something that I should be afraid of! I just want to give my best, achieve excellent grades and gain admittance to my dream universities.
That's all! I'm looking forward to college life, starting from next Monday which is the day after tomorrow. Haha, I can finally call myself a college girl and also....getting rid of the ugly uniform that I wore in high school.
After today's first Leo general meeting, I had the opportunity to meet new friends and mingle around with this new bunch of fun seniors. We had something sort of like a fellowship lunch and dessert session. Though I was terribly tired after the long day, I will definitely take it as a well-spent day! Most of all, transitioning from an Alpha to an Omega Leo is another journey for self development. Being a Leo for the past three years has been a life-changing experience as I have always mentioned. It's more than meeting new people, giving back to the society and picking up leadership skills. Without doubts, the one thing that I enjoy and appreciate the most through being a Leo is to truly able to know who I am and what I'm able to do. In other words, it's more of a platform for find out my potentials. Through this, I aim to be a better person and gain the long-lost confidence of mine. Haha.
New year, new beginnings. One of my leo senior put up with the idea that all of us should ponder: what's our aim/goal in the club? And so, it sort of gives me the inspiration to have new life goals for the year.
1. Or course, be a better person! Improve my weaknesses such being an emotional doer, judgemental and self-centered
2. Cure the negativity in me (not a single thought of it) and be a more positive person such as to be more carefree, cheerful and happy-go-lucky
3. To live my life to the fullest. That's what I have been trying to do for the past one year and now, I'll be making the best out of the best. What I meant 'to the fullest' is making every single that I lived worthwhile like doing a small gesture to make someone's day.
4. To stay strong! Both physically and mentally. First, I have been leading quite a sedentary lifestyle for the past three years by quitting sport activities for studies or other sorts of 'relaxation'. So, I guess it's time for me to be right on the track to be a fitter person and for me to unwind myself after a day in college.
While for mentally, it has been 11 days since my bf has left for London for college. Sadly, we have to start a LDR which is a whole new challenge for us. Now, we both have to juggle up studies and relationship. Well, it's never an excuse for us to give up on it after what we had been through but it's a journey that we'll walk through together.
5. Appreciate what I'm blessed with; my family, friends and my love one. At this time of my life, there's so much for me to truly be appreciative of, even a single act of them counts a lot to me. I have left highschool and those friendships that can be kept going make me feel so grateful. While for my family, I have learnt to foster a better relationship with them. And also, be thankful for my love one who relentlessly pull through the hurdles with me and putting up with me.
6. Most most most importantly, college! I will definitely prioritize my studies beside from enjoying college life. A Levels is claimed to be one of the toughest of all the per-university course *sobs* but oh well, it's not something that I should be afraid of! I just want to give my best, achieve excellent grades and gain admittance to my dream universities.
That's all! I'm looking forward to college life, starting from next Monday which is the day after tomorrow. Haha, I can finally call myself a college girl and also....getting rid of the ugly uniform that I wore in high school.
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