Done with highschool!

SPM ended on the first week of December but I felt like I had sat for it months ago haha. Well, it was quite a tough hurdle, to be honest. I struggled through it and I could not imagine how I would pull through it without him. As the examination board implemented High Order Thinking Skills in each and every one of the paper, all the papers took us by surprise with quite a handful of unusual questions that are sort of like open-ended questions. They require our opinions instead of answers that can be easily found from any books. I admit that it's a good start for Malaysia education system but for such a drastic change in a major exam as such, it's really unfair to the 97's. Once again, we became their lab rats. Now, I believe we can only pray fervently for an 'extraordinary' results, judging from the 'high standard' of the papers.

Highschool had drawn to an end after the last paper of SPM. To bid farewell with the bunch of highschool mates is indeed heart-wrenching. All of us shared bittersweet memories. What etched in my heart is the true friends that have been my mental support for these five years, through the ups and downs. They proved that the life can't get any worse when they are around. I'm truly grateful for that. High school has blessed me with my self-claimed non-biological twin sister (you know who you are!). We don't have to meet or talk every day but whenever we do, we seem to be out of control -- we will talk like nobody's business. *don't judge* not to forget, my other bestie who hails from Penang and has left my school after form two. This proves how much we appreciate each other as a friend. Friendship like such is what I cherish the most. I can be who I am when we hang out together and they accept me as who I am. Even when there's an argument, we can eventually get over it in no time.

In less than a month time, I will be starting college. I'm actually anticipating for a brand new start in a new environment and on a new course, unlike in high school, where we are forced to adapt to the education system that makes no sense sometimes. I keep reminding myself that I must not be fearful. True enough, there's actually nothing that I should be afraid of, probably just the subjects that I will be taking. It isn't an easy decision on which college to go and which subjects that I should take. First of all, I'm relieved that my family is financially stable but I won't want to burden my father even more with a huge sum of tuition fee as he's the sole breadwinner of the family. Furthermore, I have to be considerate as while I'm taking A-Levels, my brother will be doing his first year in university and for the following years, he will be studying abroad. That's lots of money. Secondly, I'm truly hoping for a scholarship with a higher amount although I'm grateful for what I'm offered by my college now. The meagre hope depends on my SPM result which will only be released during March next year. Though I planned to switch to other colleges with a bursary that is offered by Ministry of Education, it will be a waste of money and time. Moreover, I may not even get the bursary.

It hits me that from tomorrow onwards, he (yes, he!) will be leaving for UK in a week time. I'm definitely going to miss him lots. As the famous saying goes, absence makes the heart grows fonder. I truly believe that with faith and courage, nothing is impossible. We will have to make the best out of it, pull through it and prove everyone wrong. While for those that have trust in us and respect our decisions all this while, from the bottom of my heart, I'm truly grateful for you guys!

p/s: this will probably be my last post using the 'High School' label, next it will be 'College'!

I have my right to live the way I want

I'm just so not in the mood in talking to certain people nowadays. They seem like they know a lot about me but in the actual fact, it's just a superficial illusion. God knows who you are.

True friends are like precious jewels, they are treasure for one to find and to keep with them through the years to come. I cannot deny that true friends are hardest to find. To me, I rather have two to three true friends than a bunch of friends that I can never count on. Five years of highschool, it's now coming to an end. Just a couple months away, we will be bidding farewell and so, I don't see the point of all these "revealing your true colours" thing. If you prefer to do so, you can just get out of my way. Just out of my way. I don't want to see you in the entirety of my life. I will rather believe that I never have such a friend before.

No doubts that people change, both physically and mentally. One who never changes is not a human, alright? It's the process of growing up. Though one may change, you can change for the better or for the worst. Even if one may 'seem' to change, but when you get close to him/her, sooner or later you still feel the closeness and the bond that we share all this while. That's the only point of changing. If you changed, and you are like an absolute stranger to me, what's the point?

I never hated life. Life is a blessing to me. Hope is what I hold on to through these years. I have learnt to be mentally strong because this is what life has taught me. I have my believes, I have my own way of rationalizing. That's just me. I grow up, I change, for the better. I find my own motivations, my own inspirations, my aspirations and my dreams to chase. I try to live my live to the fullest with one simple reason, life is a gift, life is a blessing.

Sorry to say I won't be bothered with whatever you are doing. I have learnt to be courageous and strong.

When there's no second chance

I'm sure none of us will reject a second chance that is given. But, there are times that no matter how hard we hope for it, it never comes into reality. For instance, we made a mistake and there's no way you can 'undo' your mistake, unlike the 'undo' button you can opt to click when we have made typing errors. Same goes with the journey of life.When you have made such a crucial decision and you know there's no u-turn to it, there're only two possibilities, it's either a good or a bad outcome. Who will ever hope to face the bad one? Life has never hit me so hard and so it does, on the very last two years of high school. It's more than a roller coaster ride of feelings. Words can't express how much I felt. Those heart-wrenching moments and the emotional blow that took hold of me are enough to make me fall hard. Here comes the consequences of growing up. All about making decisions and choices. There's always something you will regret as you may be young and free once or too gullible to come into realisation of the truth lurking behind it. I always thought that I'm ready to accept the reality -- problems of growing-up; I thought I could manage them; I thought I had the capacity to contain them as much as I could. Again and again, for a billion times, I was proved to be totally wrong. I can accept it superficially but not entirely, I can't manage them well enough; I can only contain them temporarily. Bits and pieces of high school life once puzzled together can be one of a nightmare or one of a priceless memory etched in one's heart, and I have both. It's nothing to brag about, both have their pros and cons. I may view things at a completely different perspectives with others which I always do. I have my own distinctive way of thinking and rationalizing them. I can't blame others for not understanding me as true enough, I am unique.

Life choices are not like picking one out of four like the multiple choice in tests or exams. They are way beyond that. I regretted for so much that I had done. Though they were many who came up to me, trying to show me the light but yet I failed to be a wise one, and instead being a selfish and harsh one. I could not turn back time, never would I be able to do so. To look ahead for a dazzling future may also be too fictional.

Time and tide wait for no man. No matter how much are burdened on my shoulders, life has to keep rolling and I still has to move on. Easier said than to be done. However, I can only hope fervently for the best to come.

2013

2013 is coming to an end when the clock strikes at 12 tonight. There goes a wonderful year filled with laughter, happiness and much more.

Though it's new year's eve, everyone is busy celebrating the last day of the year, I'm still busy spring cleaning my house - done with my room, now cleaning my study room. Sigh... Oh well, I manage to spare my time blogging here as I decide to dedicate this post to my bunch of mates who have made this year such an unforgettable one for me. Without them, I totally have no idea how my high school life will be.

Let's take a ride back to all the events of the year in 2013.

St John Divisional Camp
Being elected as a camp committee as a Quartermaster was a total surprise to me. Despite of all the happenings before and after camp, I will proudly say that this year's division camp has truly given me such a good lifetime experience! Never in my life I will be given the chance to sit on a short stool and cook using the traditional type of stove, the super huge wok to cater for more than fifty campers. Waking up in dawn 4 am after four hours of sleep was much more challenged. I was so exhausted but still managed to go to school on the day after camp ended!

St John Sports Day Marching 
So reluctant to join the marching team, the idea of pulling out from the team played constantly in my mind. Gratefully,  I had made the right choice to stay as a family in team. Getting tanned, sun-burnt, marching under the hot sun, feeling sick, sacrificing my time for studies were all I have given in. Though my parents weren't supportive it, I managed to hold on to my own perspective that if I has chosen to do something, I will give my all and glad to say our hard work for months has finally paid off with a medal!

Leo Forum

Not long after our sports day marching, we headed to Port Dickson for Leo Forum. Whenever I take a glimpse at all the pictures we took, we all looked equally tanned ( bad timing indeed ) nevertheless we still had a whale of time staying up at  night, gossiping, sleeping together ( getting squeezed in one room ) and of course locking 'someone' outside the room for coming back late at night! 

Leo Dinner

 Again being part of the committee, it opened up my eyes to all the thorough plannings that holding a dinner for 300 people wasn't as easy as expected. I took up the challenge to be part of the sponsoring team and indeed I learnt so much from it. Not to forget all the guidance from the one and only Leo Advisor of our Leo Club, Lion Chu!

State Cadet Camp 

 *All pictures credit to KSS Facebook page*

KSTU FAMILY ! I'm standing in the second last row, first one from the right!

Applause for myself for forcing myself for the five-day-four-night camp in Broga because is DA BOMB! Note the words I have used and you will know how much fun I had throughout the camp! I will rate it as my best camp experience throughout these years :) This year round, the activities, the campsite and our juniors made the camp such a wonderful one! Though I could not make up my mind yet, I do hope that next year SCC hosted my our area, KSTU will be equally fun! 

To my friends for life: Ziyin, Zhiying, Xinyuan and Eunice,

Thanks for carving so much memories in my heart! Without any single one of you, I won't be living my high school life to the fullest. It will never be complete if I'm missing out anyone of you. We are destined to be friends when we were placed in the same class in form one. No matter what had happened in the past years or even when Xinyuan moved back to Penang, our friend-ship was still sailing safely in the sea through all the waves and tides!  I am beyond grateful to have met all of you, again thanks for everything, I will cherish this friendship and the memories forever and ever.

To my sister for life, love you to the moon and the back! I feel so blessed to have such an amazing friend like you. You understand me, always be my best listener, my best soul mate, my best laughter pill, my gossip mate and of course my bestie for life!

Sweet Sixteen

Dated 20/10/2013

My bunch of mates have celebrated my birthday on my sweet sixteen which was rather a surprise. Didn't I expect my best friend to lie to me that she couldn't join the fun and so I called her up. In fact, she has arrived at one utama where we met up for a so called reunion dinner with my friend from Penang. I was astonished when my best friend appeared and gave me a surprise They even bought me a cake.

How much I appreciated this friendship can never be described in words. I have met them for three years and ten months but this 46 months are enough to prove that they are my best-est friends on earth. I may not be good at expressing myself when we spend our time together but hereby, I will like thank every single one of you for all you had done. Without any one of you, my life is not complete.

" A friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in silence, "

 - Sheryl Condie

"Best Friends
The title we chose
Tears are shed
Love is spread
We know that we both really cared
I smile, you smile
You cry, I cry
I wish, you wish
You die, I die
If you fall
I'll help you up
And if you call
I'll always pick up
Best Friends Forever
The promise we made
And I know in my heart
That it will never fade"

 

 

Five sisters

"I am phsically challenged and differently able" - Janet Barnes

"If I regarded my life from the point of view of the pessimist, I should be undone. I should seek in vain for the light that does not visit my eyes and the music that does not ring in my ears. I should beg night and day and never be satisfied. I should sit apart in awful solitude, a prey to fear and despair. But since I consider it a duty to myself and to others to be happy, I escape a misery worse than any physical deprivation."

 Helen Keller

Fearless, optimism, courage, perseverance, and a crescent-moon shaped grin are all which I have seen from the physically-challenged kids. I won' say that they disabled nor handicapped because they portrayed a tougher will to face the challenge, unlike us physically strong but has never felt grateful. I will say some of them are so worry-less despite of their age and always hang a smile on their face and welcome us with opened-hand. Their cheerfulness is something which I admired the most.

I was first drawn by this man/teen who called me up to him. He started singing and told me to sit right in front of him. At first, I really felt uneasy to sit on the floor as he was holding my right hand too. Then I told myself there's nothing to worry about, they are harmless to us but their intention is to hope that someone will really willing to spend some quality time with them. The man started singing all types of song, from English songs to Malay songs. I just smiled at him as I knew he enjoyed himself very much. Not to forget he kissed my hand twice. To me, this ain't a big deal after all he is still the happiness-overload man who sings along with everyone.

From left to right : my bestie, me , the man who loves to sing

Then, this pretty-looking girl with a ponytail tied high up in pink shirt drew my attentions. Her long eyelashes added to her cuteness. Unfortunately, she's wheelchair-bound but her upper body is perfectly-fine. I tried to approach her but she doesn't seem to be willing to talk to me. I tried again for a couple times till I finally see a vibrant smile when I talked to her. This cute little girl, named Win Lee ( I don't know the exact spelling of her name ) aged nine did not portray any fear or discourage in spite of her disabilities. She was always the happy little kid. When I told her that I will be taking her for a hand printing session, she immediately responded that  she's not allowed to do so. I assured her that all the kids will be going out together so she need not be worry. I could see the excitement in her when I pushed her wheelchair to sheltered canopy next to the home. She was delighted and enjoyed herself printing her hands. After having the wholesome lots of fun, I helped her back to her favorite spot which is much more cooling. She told me to carry her into the room behind her and I did so but my curiosity piqued. She answered “ I need to change my pampers,” I chuckled silently deep down my heart. How adorable and naive these kids are. While she’s still in the room, I was about to leave. I promised that I won’t leave without her consent so I waited for her. When we told her that it was time for us to leave, I saw a dim glow of disappointment in her eyes. Not to discourage her, I told her that I will be back again. I made a promise to myself that one day, I will visit this bunch of kids and spend more time with them.

A short visit to the disabled children home indeed brought lots of thoughts to myself and not to forget -- a worthwhile experience.

 

Win Lee

Ain't he a cutie pie?

Our Leo Advisor, Lion Chu, (on the left ) during the sing along session

Hand paint by our Richelle's mum

150 over chocolate chip vanilla cupcakes baked by me

 Dated 4 August 2013

School Politics

Nowadays, even high school teens face school poltics EVERY DAY. Many will find the society politics or their company politics pretty annoying but for that, you can find a way escape from. But in school, you have no choice to deal with it, there's no second choice for you to change school or whatever ( unless your parents allow you to which I assume not ) . My mum has never understood school politics, she will only thinks naively that who put in the most effort deserve a recognition. And so I gave up explaining!

Today is the very important day for us as the board of committes for the year '13/14 is announced. I have so prepared myself mentally that no matter what, I will still stay strong and tough. Yes, I managed to do so because certain things which you have put so much hope in will not turn out right. I has no bad feeling, instead I can have a grin on my face. I told myself: "No matter what's the result, I will not cry or feel depressed over it. Tomorrow will be a better day for me." 

School politics always happen to us, who are just teens. It really pisses me off at times and at this very moment too. Just because they have siblings, they deserve to be elected. Just because they can talk eloquently till it makes no sense, they impress our seniors. Just because they are 'popular' in school, they manage to get into the board. Like seriously, you may said they are the 'best' and they are 'well-deserved' but never did you try working as a team with them. The experience is totally horrible. I had my worst three days in my division camp this year. I had never told anyone what exactly happened but I couldn't keep this to myself anymore. My team is actually consisted of four of us. All of them are spoilt, pampered kids. Things did not turn our well on the very first day. They brought literally less than five cooking appliance or equipments, some left out certain ingredients. Like seriously, don't you have the passion and honour to do your job well? If not, just leave. And that's not the end. I tried to control myself from raging, I couldn't bear their who-cares attitude. After we have prepared the th dinner on the second night, we gave a sigh of relief but I was pretty tensed up. I wanted everyone to start cleaning uo before the flies invade our place but no one pretty cares. Some of them even simply wash the appliance and left. And at last, I was the only one left when some are having fun at the canteen. Great!!! One of them even came to me and said she felt bad to leave me doing all the things but she has to go and asked me to leave as well. At that time, I have done most of the washing with my SENIOR helping me. I told her that no, because that's not my way of doing things and it's not hygeine at all. On that evening, I washed,swept, rewiped the tables, clean all the spaghetti on the floor. That may seem to be an easy job but definitely not. I was thoroughly exhausted but yet I dont behave like certain people to leave and bathe. Not to mention I actually broke down for the first time in my st john life.

Enough of this bad experience. So the decision made today was out of my expectation due to the reshuffle of post they have made. Some of them DO NOT deserve the post and in fact, some other people who really put in their effort deserve it. Let just say this girl Z, she is totally irresponsible. In our eyes, we have seen everything she has done, from losing receipts to throwing her job to others but yet she was elected today. Some showed no passion in serving for mankind, a really simple thing as a st john. They did not go for duty, camps and if you are to ask who's our state/area commander, they will defintely stare at you blankly.

I know this may or may not be the end of my life in st john. This may be a pitstop for me to overcome. I have really shone as a St John every since form one, I fulfilled the noble mission to serve the society. I have no regrets. I may not be the best but one day, I will prove them wrong.

Definition of a friend

How do you consider a friend as a 'friend'? Many would ask this question. Every single one of us gives 'friend' a different definition as we may have different views to it.

To me, a friend is one who understands me, bears with me and ready to listen to my problems. It means a lot to me to have a incredibly close/best friend whom I would call as my sister. She is just my best-est friend on earth. Words could not express how much I appreciate this strong friendship bond and though we don't meet eye to eye at times but both of us will try to mend the friendship. We have no secrets to be kept as we give our trust to one another. We spent most of the time together in school or even after school hours. Sometimes I will which that there is a secret tunnel to connect my house to hers. She will always be the best listener when I'm troubled or down or even when I whined unnecessarily. 

I always have my own principles and definitions to my certain things in my life, just like the word ' friend '. Sometimes, people leave their footstep in my life but will been forgotten soon by me. The reasons can be they are those who I cannot agree with, they gave no meaning to life or they have a unpleasant attitude which I can never deal with. Undeniably, human make mistakes. To me, to forgive someone counts on how sincere that person is. If one has made mistakes but do not make amend, and even seems to have a take-things-easy attitude, forget about forgiving him/her. I can forgive someone who really apologise SINCERELY ( not to pour your heart out but sincerely ). Never I can accept one who just blurt " sorry " which seems to be as easy as ABC, even with a "lah"  I never force you to apologise, you can forget about saying it to me next time because I can't accept such apologies. "Sorry" means a lot, it's not a matter of whether you said it or not, most importantly is that you have realised your wrongdoings which are not intended. There's no point saying that you will pay for my loss when you are not going to do so ( it means you are lying ) and you feel as if it's not your fault. One's attitude in dealing with all these matters really makes a difference.

To end my babbling of the day, I will opt to look at a brighter side of the day to give credit to my best-est friend. She has made the effort to accompany me in every point of my life when I'm going through all the ups and downs. I feel so fortunate that she can carve so much memories in my mind which I will definitely remember forever.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

 

 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

We are the winners in our hearts

The tears, sweat, joy, disappointment, discourage, scoldings and punishments the marching team has gone through has been a tough pathway to go through. Standing under the hot sun, experiencing sunburn, the beads of perspiration tickling down, the sore feeling of our limbs were all that we have gone through for months. The trainings we had almost every single day during holidays were the effort and hard work all the marchers have put in.

I believe that every single one of us has tried our best to emerge as the top on this very fine day - Sports Day. There was none who literally gave up despite all the hardship we had to go through and even though we witness in our own eyes that the competition was so stiff. 

It was indeed a three hundred and sixty degrees turn in our feelings, from the pride, excitement and joy to a point of total disappointment and sadness. The judgement was obviously unfair and to the fact that the placings have clearly shown how the so called 'neutral parties' have took count of the marks. Competition has meant to be fair and just but what's the point of having it if people just can't accept the reality that they don't even deserve so? Questions have raced from the marchers to our seniors and teacher. Tears rolled down our cheeks when our teacher, seniors and our commander expressed their pride and their believe in us that we deserve much more than this. We knew that deep down in our hear we are the winners and all the effort had definitely paid off. What more can we say that we, the marchers, were so proud that our seniors, ex-seniors and even our teacher told us that we are the best marching team in so many years.

A heartfelt thank I would like to express to all those who supported us tremendously and all the comforting words. These had already made my day :) We could not ask for more when our seniors saluted to us as a respect to the marching team '13. 

We knew we deserve no less. We had no choice but to accept the fact that this is what the outside world in our future is going to be. We were treated so unfairly and everyone could definitely see that. In the years to come, we may step out into the society and be the future leaders to come, yes we know it's time for a change, a better community and a country with justice.

Leos, We ROAR!

It has been my second year serving as a Leo. From the moment I pledged to serve for the betterment of the community, deep down in my heart I felt the burning spirit to reach out to those in need. I has no regret joining Leo. I knew that I had made the right step into Leo and this has inspired me really a lot :) Many would prefer joining Leo because of their friends, or because it is cool ( whatever they think ).

Yes, I can proudly said I had carried out my responsibility duly as a Leo throughout the year of 2012. I joined various projects to contribute to the less fortunates and I was glad that I was able to bring joy and the warmth of love to them. These experiences were memorable.

On the 25 to 27 of May 2013,  I had the most fruitful three-days-two-nights at Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson with all the leos form the multiple district of 308B1 consisting of leos from Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia. It was a great platform for us to build a stronger bond between all the leos and to interact with each other. The theme talk ( Stay Driven, Stay Inspired ) had motivated me to serve and yet I promised myself that I would try my best throughout this fiscal year of 2013/2014. It will be a challenging path for me to balance between my co-curriculum activities ( both Leo and St. John ) and studies but nothing is impossible for me :)

Throughout the three days at PD, it was really memorable with all the fun and hilarious moments I had with my bunch of friends and my besties as well. We even seized the opportunity to bond with our seniors and juniors, not to forget Leos from other schools.

Leo Children Christmas Party // Vanilla cupcakes with chocolate chips

2012 is coming to an end. Sigh :( school is reopening very soon so I decided to blog on a quick post here until who knows when I will have the time to write a blog post again.

On the 18 Dec 2012, the day after I came back from St. John State Cadet Camp which brings me loads of awesome and unforgettable memories, Leos of different schools, such as Kepong Baru amd USJ 4 headed to a children' and old folks' home. We took the LRT to KL Sentral and took a KTM to Kepong. KTM was indeed a little slow snail which seems to move an inch in an hour ( just kidding ) but anyway it moves really slow compared to LRT. If you spotted that there's a coach painted pink from the outside which is meant for women, you may be surprised MEN who are not sure whether they are a guy or a girl may just hopped in to the women coach. That's Malaysia!

Back to the topic, so we had an early Christmas celebration with the lil kids and some old folks. Mummy asked us to give our Christmas tree to them and now we are christmas tree-less for Christmas :( hope to get a new one next year. Leos sing along some Christmas songs with them, played some games and also decorated the Christmas tree. I have always faced the problem of being shy when mixing with new friends in a new environment. But the other Leos do have a PR skills, unlike me. I woukd give a thumbs-up to the other Leos, especially those from USJ 4 who try to interact with the old folks whom we neglected during our visit.

Besides that, I decided to bake some vanilla cupcake ( the same recipe from the previous post ) and added some chocolate chips which blends well with the cupcakes. The kids were happy to have the cupcakes :) baking is always my favourite hobby

*updated on 29/12/12*

Decorating the Christmas tree

Christmas celebration gives the hope and warnth to the kids

Sing-along session

Leos from SMK Damansara Utama