T-two months

I have been on hiatus for a long while. It's partly due to college which ended in May, then work and also the lack of inspiration to write. The 1.5 years of surviving with A Level was no doubt a roller coaster ride as it always was. Challenges after challenges that were embraced had caught me emotionally worn out time after time. There was difficult times and great moments. All in all, I am glad and proud that I have made the impossibles possible. I grow and learn tremendously throughout the good and bad times.

Now, I'm left with two and half weeks of internship at a heathcare centre. Time flies, real fast, after which I will be anticipating for the day - the long-awaited result day that is going to determine it all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I do hope for the best. With much mixed feelings, I still contemplate with my decisions. Making plans after plans for my tertiary studies means among those, there are some goals to be achieved. To not feel empty, I know how far I can go and what my heart truly wants for the best. It is not about giving in to others' persuasion or to accept their thoughts blindly. I have had enough of not-so-welcoming words for picking up a less conventional degree. Mean and selfish, they talk me out of my decision. I did not have the respect that I would have deserved for tolerating these relatives of mine who are supposed to be educated and intellectuals.

If all else falls in place, I will be counting down to departure in two months time, and to new beginnings. 

I am to leave the past behind, and embark on this new chapter of mine. 

Ethics

Speaking about good ethics, as cliche as it sounds, there is a need for everyone to have at least some good ethics. I'm not asking you to be overly-kind or whatsover. It's the balance of having a treasure trove of knowledge and a wealth of positive attitude.

Up late, I was succumbed to innocuous words which I was quite immune to (at first), yet when it's no longer a once in a while attack, it becomes hurtful. I understand the saying that everyone can practise his or her right to speak anything up in her mind, but with that being said, it's comprehensible that it will be only fair if you put some thought before you say anything.

A strict principle which I adhere to is to gain respect, you must first respect other, regardless verbally or in action. Yes, I may not be able to fit into many situations, but I respect other, I respect their actions, I respect their decision, and so I respect them so that I gain the equal amount of respect. I'm pretty sure that the "talking behind the back" kind of thing is something which we all have had to face. Then again, this show a certain level of immaturity in a person. Speak out or shun yourself if you have any disagreement.

Of many religions and believes, all the teachings will have included kindness, politeness, and a mindful behaviour. However, there are people who regard themselves pious person without having a positive outlook and attitude. The stark contrast places me in a position of doubt in gauging the person's personality.

Good ethics, as important as it is, there are not only a handful, but many people who are not aware of. Always, before you speak, before you make a move, it doesn't harm if you can take three seconds to think.

To gain equal amount of respect, respect others first. 
Thank you for your consideration. 

Social media, not so

I was once a person who would express my feelings over social media. I would have done my PDA on Facebook and Instagram, and my emotion vented out on Twitter.

I was all wrong.

Yes, everyone does that nowadays. You won't be any surprised to have your Instagram filled with a-tad-eyesoring posts on Valentine's Day. You would have at least a friend who posts "Happy xx Monthsary!" Okay, I know it's a milestone in your relationship. Then again, how many of us take the time off our electronic devices and spend quality time with our loved ones?

It was a mistake to "announce" a relationship on the Internet.
First, you will be centre of attention. If you are comfortable with it, it's all fine. If you don't, you will, somehow, feel that you shouldn't have posted it in the first place.
Next, everyone knows that you are in a relationship, be it your friends, your teachers, your uncle, your aunty and the list goes on. You will get teased during family gatherings, which I hated it much as I have always been the youngest among all my cousins.
This is followed by doing PDA out of impulse, you would not have the rationale in doing it appropriately. In the context of posting about your relationship so frequently that your posts flooded other people's feed. Without doubt, I would be very annoyed if I am the latter. I am also the person who would unfriend or unfollow the person.

However, this is my piece of thought.
Loving and liking someone are distinctly different. If you love someone, you love him from the bottom of your heart, he's of utmost importance to you, and your closed ones will be ever-supportive of the relationship. But, if you like someone, you would like him just because you like him.

Don't jump into the bandwagon of having a significant others because everyone has one. Just be yourself. Over time, you would be able to prove that you have much to explore, to learn and to grow. It's not a mistake to be on your own two feet, because it would have proven others and yourself that you are stronger than you think. No one is to doubt who you are. A person who love you would appreciate who you are, accept who you have been and take pride of your achievement, just like how your family members and best friends would do.

rekindle

Disclaimer: I did not abandon my blog, but caught up with lots of work up late. #sad

Well, I have lots of thoughts in mind. To pen them down, or to even articulate them will take me some time. (I'm very much known to my language teachers as someone who has an unorganized train of thought)

First off, I'm left with one week to Mock, one month and few weeks to A2. It has never ever been so intense and I have never felt so pressured. Somehow, I'm still trying my very best to cope, but I have been feeling like I'm on the verge of breaking down. The amount of workload gives me an immense pressure. While I'm working on the four heavy subjects which I'm taking, there are lots more miscellaneous things for me to handle ie. university stuff, scholarship application. Dragging myself to college, I'm stucked with lectures till 4pm because of extra classes, then as I head back home, it's already 5pm. I do my part of revision till 11pm and then I will settle the rest of the things. You can imagine how 'long' my sleeping hours would be. I agree that this will be a process which most people are going through, sooner I may live like this day in day out.

A2 is no joke. If AS was a breeze to you, A2 will be the storm. Maybe worse?
When we return for classes in January after a month break in December, we have to race against time to complete the syllabus, revise, do practices in five months since our exam is moved forward this year. Luck is not on us this round. Worse still, we will the first batch using the new syllabus so we basically have no clue of what the exam board is up to. This is how my stress level is piling.

It has come to a point that I really feel like giving up. It's just not me, not what I would do. I'm torn between my expectation and reality. Giving myself the responsibility to do my best means that I would go all out regardless of what circumstances. But will I be able to? It's not a promise that I would get superb grades of whatsoever, it's a goal which I set to motivate myself that I will do better than before. It has been a really long, tiring journey for the past one year. I have never felt so worn out, emotionally drained. Then again, I have never felt so elated, confident, touched and proud at some point of time. This concoction of feelings gives me the strength.

Deep down, I know that I won't give up. I won't lose this battle. As I work towards my goal, I hope to have made the best out of this journey. The end result doesn't matter much anymore.

If life is battle, you shall be the warrior.
If life is a voyage, you shall sail towards the lighthouse, even in pitch black, in raging storm, in wave turbulence.
There's no reason to give up.

gracias

This year, I ushered in 2016 with mixed feeling. With many uncertainties and challenges ahead, I can't help but to be overwhelmed with anxiety. Besides completing A Level, I will be furthering my studies abroad. However, having conditional offer from the top universities also means that I have to go all out to meet the entrance requirements and hopefully, to secure a scholarship as I really do not want to burden my parents with the rocketed cost of living in London.

Also, I should embrace the whole new chapter in my life, one which will make my dreams come true. Ain't easy, but worthwhile after all. Last year this time, it was tough for me. Now, I have come to a point of appreciating what I have as there are many which I have taken granted for. Counting down to the months which I'm left with serves as a reminder for me to make the best out of them.

"Some people come in your life as blessing, some come in as life lessons."

Happy Valentine's Day!

You will be awed by your persistence

Time really really flies. I am 60% done with my university application. What's left is pretty much my final result, accepting an offer, visa application, air ticket and I'm ready to to go. To be really honest, I couldn't believe I have come so far. Persisting to the end is beyond difficult but I'm glad that I did not give up. I know what's best for myself and how much I should achieve.

After my AS results was released, I have mixed feelings for underachieving some of the subjects but I'm still pleased for the fact that I did fairly well overall. It does give me some relief and assurance to make it into a couple of universities of my choice in the United Kingdom with conditional offers.

With many of my friends leaving next month, it does hit me that it's my turn to leave home soon. I wouldn't want to be separated from my bunch of good friends and family to a place of nowhere, but this will be an opportunity for me to explore UK where I have been wanting to. It's a dream which (hopefully) will come true.

At this point of time, I gradually learn to cherish every outings, every meal I spent with my friends because it is already rare for us to meet each other up due to our current hectic schedule, and it will be worse when we in different continents in no time.

Going abroad to study is indeed a whole new experience. And choosing Biotechnology over other degree is the toughest, and firmest decision I have made for myself, and my future. It's not a field with good job prospects which may lead me to bad financial status when I start working and I don't see much perpetuating growth of biotechnology in my country. These two reasons are sufficient to put me into a really difficult situation. I should have not toyed with this idea since the beginning. I have friends and relatives convincing me to get out of this dead trap by "suggesting" other more money-making careers especially doctor. Then again, do I want the best for myself? What was my dream? To make the biggest contribution that I could to the society to improve the quality of lives. This has been my ultimate goal. I know that I have had an interest in this field and this is where I can stretch beyond my limit to do what I can in the most comfortable work setting. Without hesitation, I insisted that Biotechnology as my degree to be pursued and this has helped me to convince my parents even though I should have pursued other degrees to their suggestions. I am rather glad when my lecturer has been giving her greatest support ever since I expressed my interest in life science. If it was not her, I wouldn't have been so determined all this while.

To me, it's not about making a fortune with a degree from a prestige university which elevates your socioeconomic status, but how much you are able to make the best out of the knowledge that you have equipped yourself with. Money means everything, but it's also nothing. You are who you are, who you should be and who you must be - to be a better person who you yourself are proud of.

Third Semester

Back to college means that I have to resume the intense, insanely stressful A2 life. One last semester to go and in five months time, we are all going to spread our wings, said my lecturer. True enough, luck was not on our side. The Cambridge Examination Board pushed our examination forward for the Summer papers and to make things even worse, all Pure Science students have their papers cramped up in two weeks. It's not a good way to start off the semester with every single lecturer expressing their concern over our upcoming Mock Examination which is approaching in less than three months.

I don't know whether I should be glad since the graduation day which I have been anticipating for is finally around the corner (maybe not) or I should the flustered for not having prepared for the major examination.

I got to admit that it's not only my studies which are breathing my neck, my university application, scholarship application and yadah yadah are also equally nerve-wrecking. With one conditional offer each from Bristol, Queensland and HKUST, making three offers in total, I can be considered to be rather safe and prepared for my university study. However, I'm hoping fervently for more replies. Not receiving an offer for my first choice in HKUST was tad disappointing and frustrating. My preparation and effort to enrol into the IRE programme were not sufficient for me to secure a place but it was a rather enriching experience to be interviewed.

I may not be able to keep up with my pace of blogging so frequently in last year due to other (serious, intense) commitment. Will be back real soon, hopefully with a good news!