这一篇文章是为了好好地记录一下这一年里的点点滴滴。
要切实地形容2015莫过于比喻其为一段难忘的旅程。心情上的起伏很大，遇到的挫折，障碍很多，挫败感更是令我感到很泄气。想说，我在一年里的成长也真的很多很多。
伤痛的回忆我就想让它永远地停留在2015。曾经伤害我的人我也不曾深藏怨恨，有的仅仅是百般的失落。但我还是，打从心底地感恩这一段岁月造就了勇敢，坚强的我。
18岁，心境，思想也改变了不少。我最渴望的是纯真的快乐。被一桩桩事情打败，流下了不少成长的泪迹，我也得再次地爬起来。坚毅的精神再此地塑造了我。
思想上，我变得更加独立自主。不是我行我素，而是拥有了属于我的方向和旅程碑。或许所经历的还是留下了不少阴影，我渐渐地学会如何独自相处。虽然不算很健康，但与其一群朋友嘻嘻哈哈地论天说地，我还是很需要一个人慢慢地让思绪沉淀，让身上的包袱暂时放下。
心态上的成熟，身边的师友都见证了。不再傻里傻气，不再茫然，无自主的做下决定，更不再因为爱，失去了方向。不仅于此，我更学会如何的好好地爱自己，爱身边值得我爱的人。互相扶持，互相鼓励，互相成长，与朋友们的友情也算更完美了。
对我而言，真挚的友情不仅无价，更是我最珍惜的一份礼物。
非常非常的感谢他们一路上的陪伴和支持。
2015，我感恩感谢，我找到了自己。
2016，我衷心希望我会更有勇气地越过这更为挑战的一年。不管是友情，亲情，我会深深地锁入我的心坎。是否能够实现我的愿望，我默默地盼望着。
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Hello, December.
Finally, I'm ushering the last month of 2015. It still overwhelms me how time flies, how much I have pulled through. Ain't an easy ride, ain't a smooth sailing but a journey worth taking. I accomplish little things day by day, ticking off my bucket list and trying out lots which I thought I am incapable of. Just pushing beyond my limits.
I no longer want to look back at my teenage years and have a tinge of regret. I'm making the best out of it, and also spending this last nine months in Malaysia well. Also, I took the initiative to foster some friendship which are worth keeping. Definitely no regrets. Many of them have inadvertently impacted me much or to the extend of being angles, who guided me through thick and thin. They are the bunch who provided me with lots of strength and courage. I can't thank them more.
In the blink of an eye, I'm transitioning into my last (insane and hectic) semester in college. It still feels like I graduated from high school not long ago. Yet, sooner I'm entering a new chapter - university. I see maturity grows, independence develops and positive vibe buds in myself. As much as I don't want to grow up so quickly, I do enjoy this journey as much as how it tore me apart, and made me shatter for countless times.
I no longer want to look back at my teenage years and have a tinge of regret. I'm making the best out of it, and also spending this last nine months in Malaysia well. Also, I took the initiative to foster some friendship which are worth keeping. Definitely no regrets. Many of them have inadvertently impacted me much or to the extend of being angles, who guided me through thick and thin. They are the bunch who provided me with lots of strength and courage. I can't thank them more.
In the blink of an eye, I'm transitioning into my last (insane and hectic) semester in college. It still feels like I graduated from high school not long ago. Yet, sooner I'm entering a new chapter - university. I see maturity grows, independence develops and positive vibe buds in myself. As much as I don't want to grow up so quickly, I do enjoy this journey as much as how it tore me apart, and made me shatter for countless times.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Be your own sunshine
As time passes, I find myself accustomed to solitude. It's the silence and comfort which I don't adore back then or perhaps haven't been able to appreciate. But, right now, being able to take a moment out of the crowd, out of the bustling college has been a pleasure. Sipping a cuppa in the comfiest tee, and reading or surfing the web while listening to my playlist is a leisure. It's an irreplaceable feeling.
When I finally had the time to catch up with my all time soul sister, we both totally agree that we need moment like these the most. Not to the extend of confining ourselves to four walls all day all night, it's just some time off for ourselves. No dealing with people which we are tired of, no giving in to little things and no broken heart. Why not?
Scurrying home after classes doesn't seem impressive. But, that's the way we roll.
Times like these have been really tiring and stressful. Having a tight schedule is no doubt exhausting. I doubt if anyone has not heard of "work hard, play hard". Oh well, play?! Not really. No way maybe. Welcome to the real world.
Haven't had a single thought of heading to whatever cool place like nightclubs for clubbing, nor to hang out at mamak till late nights. Sorry, these are not my kind of things.
I'm way more comfortable to have a book and lie on the lounge.
Call me a bookworm or lifeless? Mind you, you haven't known me long enough. Be judgmental if you like.
Just like how you can't force an adolescent to wear an infant's clothing, I enjoy being myself. Even if I have changed, I enjoy being who I am today, and in the years to come.
Positive thoughts are churning, negativity will be on its way to the past. It's for the better days to come afterall.
Not to forget, my university applications are all nailed, finally! *opening a champagne* (even if I don't touch alcohol haha) With a burden of the shoulder, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reply or an acceptance letter, pleaseeee.
Signing off, Mish. Till then.
When I finally had the time to catch up with my all time soul sister, we both totally agree that we need moment like these the most. Not to the extend of confining ourselves to four walls all day all night, it's just some time off for ourselves. No dealing with people which we are tired of, no giving in to little things and no broken heart. Why not?
Scurrying home after classes doesn't seem impressive. But, that's the way we roll.
Times like these have been really tiring and stressful. Having a tight schedule is no doubt exhausting. I doubt if anyone has not heard of "work hard, play hard". Oh well, play?! Not really. No way maybe. Welcome to the real world.
Haven't had a single thought of heading to whatever cool place like nightclubs for clubbing, nor to hang out at mamak till late nights. Sorry, these are not my kind of things.
I'm way more comfortable to have a book and lie on the lounge.
Call me a bookworm or lifeless? Mind you, you haven't known me long enough. Be judgmental if you like.
Just like how you can't force an adolescent to wear an infant's clothing, I enjoy being myself. Even if I have changed, I enjoy being who I am today, and in the years to come.
Positive thoughts are churning, negativity will be on its way to the past. It's for the better days to come afterall.
Not to forget, my university applications are all nailed, finally! *opening a champagne* (even if I don't touch alcohol haha) With a burden of the shoulder, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a reply or an acceptance letter, pleaseeee.
Signing off, Mish. Till then.
Friday, October 23, 2015
When you fall in love
Disclaimer: This is my point of view. I have no other intentions.
Falling in love has to be one of the best feelings you'll ever come across.
You stumble upon your other half through fate and destiny, in high school, college, university or in any part of the world, of different background, distinct personalities. It may also be a long-distance due to many unpredictable circumstances. He or she is equivalent to your family and your best friends, or you may unknowingly prioritize your relationship over your loved one.
You thought he/she means the world to you.
It took me lots of courage to get back up. The transition period from switching your life consisting of the both of the best to only yours is perhaps, one of the most difficult change you will have to make. You have loved someone for a reason, or maybe none. It doesn't really matter. When love sparks, you'll get along with each other. You take the extra miles to understand one another, tolerate and bring the best out of he/she. Similarly, your other half will make the effort to do the same to you. The greatest gift is you have had a special one in your life; a helping hand, a loyal support, a confidante, a shoulder to lean on and most of all, a warmth of love and care. Mysteriously, you fall for him/her more and more.
Sometimes, you wonder of how you will be building your future together with your other half. You will be pulling through all that it needs to lead both of you to walk down the aisle, hand in hand. Challenges make you two grow as one; you look beyond the difficulties which you are facing because you know, it's worth persevering. When you are forced to start a long-distance, you have no other options, but to hold on to it temporarily, for you both know, it takes a little more time for you to reunite. Love makes you a stronger person.
When you are torn apart on one fine (not so) day, you take a step back and reminisce all the bittersweet memories which you both share. You become braver day by day; there's no longer someone who will be comforting you when you have the worst days, no longer someone who will make sure you get back on track after you fell. It turns out to be you, as who you are. After much struggle, you learn how to cope and to be a better person, one who he/she will be regret of letting go or for not appreciating. Tears shed, but the next day will be a brighter day.
For all that it takes to walk through the past six months, it's tough, it's heart-shattering. I fell and fell for countless times, and I still do. I felt as if I am in a loom of darkness. I felt the urge to be impulsive. But, never forget that it's not an end but a starting point in the relay of your life. You will meet many, many angels who are like the silver lining to your cloud. They are there for a reason, for you to strive for your future.
Nevertheless, be who you want to be, who you should be and who you are worth to be. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you must never change for the worse.
Falling in love has to be one of the best feelings you'll ever come across.
You stumble upon your other half through fate and destiny, in high school, college, university or in any part of the world, of different background, distinct personalities. It may also be a long-distance due to many unpredictable circumstances. He or she is equivalent to your family and your best friends, or you may unknowingly prioritize your relationship over your loved one.
You thought he/she means the world to you.
It took me lots of courage to get back up. The transition period from switching your life consisting of the both of the best to only yours is perhaps, one of the most difficult change you will have to make. You have loved someone for a reason, or maybe none. It doesn't really matter. When love sparks, you'll get along with each other. You take the extra miles to understand one another, tolerate and bring the best out of he/she. Similarly, your other half will make the effort to do the same to you. The greatest gift is you have had a special one in your life; a helping hand, a loyal support, a confidante, a shoulder to lean on and most of all, a warmth of love and care. Mysteriously, you fall for him/her more and more.
Sometimes, you wonder of how you will be building your future together with your other half. You will be pulling through all that it needs to lead both of you to walk down the aisle, hand in hand. Challenges make you two grow as one; you look beyond the difficulties which you are facing because you know, it's worth persevering. When you are forced to start a long-distance, you have no other options, but to hold on to it temporarily, for you both know, it takes a little more time for you to reunite. Love makes you a stronger person.
When you are torn apart on one fine (not so) day, you take a step back and reminisce all the bittersweet memories which you both share. You become braver day by day; there's no longer someone who will be comforting you when you have the worst days, no longer someone who will make sure you get back on track after you fell. It turns out to be you, as who you are. After much struggle, you learn how to cope and to be a better person, one who he/she will be regret of letting go or for not appreciating. Tears shed, but the next day will be a brighter day.
For all that it takes to walk through the past six months, it's tough, it's heart-shattering. I fell and fell for countless times, and I still do. I felt as if I am in a loom of darkness. I felt the urge to be impulsive. But, never forget that it's not an end but a starting point in the relay of your life. You will meet many, many angels who are like the silver lining to your cloud. They are there for a reason, for you to strive for your future.
Nevertheless, be who you want to be, who you should be and who you are worth to be. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you must never change for the worse.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
沉淀
回首望去，再煎熬的都跨过了，所剩的的确不再那么漫长。我知道倘若我真的放手—搏也不会落入谷底。但是，选择了坚持，再艰难还是得咬紧牙根走下去。
不要再让串珠的泪水淌下，
别再失去微笑的理由，
勿再俳徊在逝去的岁月。
坚强着，把对未来的憧憬和壮志当成精神上的寄托。
相信，雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽。
梦想，只是在转角处。
Saturday, October 3, 2015
为梦想加油
每一个人都会曾经拥有过一段故事。我也不例外。
每一会锁住荧幕上的《星光大道》， 免不了的是一回回的感动，是种说不起又嵌入心中的滋味。选手们都把战场当成了他们表演的舞台，把本身的故事唱处来，我深深体会到他们所要传达的情感和经历。
曾经，我也是个爱上舞台的孩子。罕有地说起这一段故事，我会默默地踏上了时光隧道。
当时还在小学稚气的岁月，我最向往的是能够站上舞台。是一种既紧张，又有成就感，又开心的一刹那。曾经，是个爱表演的孩子——唱歌，演讲，诗歌朗诵，讲故事，我一一尝试过。说不起是什么鼎鼎大名的选手或表演者，我享受的是那种苦涩又值得回忆的过程。手上领着奖杯的时候给予我的是无限的肯定。家中摆满的奖杯不再像昔日般的闪烁，但每一回凝视着它们心中有的不只是回忆，更深厚的是骄傲。
谈起音乐，我总是擦肩而过。我爱上的是歌曲的旋律，歌词的故事，还有那无界的乐坛。还有，能够自由地玩起乐器，自弹自唱。然而，我失去的是好多的机会。长大以来，我一直都很想玩音乐，哼起歌来，做个享受音乐的孩子，但都没机会去学。有的是短短地玩起了潮州儒乐，虽然看不懂乐谱，一窍不通地玩起了音乐，还是无比的感动。很无奈地，因为一段令我很失落的小插曲，我失去了表演和继续学音乐的机会。
说起来，十八岁了，我还是守住了我隐藏着的艺术细胞。爱唱歌，爱舞蹈，爱的是能够诠释自己的机会。我渴望的是有一天，在我追梦的旅途中，能玩起音乐，开启生命中新的篇章。
梦，固然遥远，但跌跌撞撞过了一段日子之后，可能依然有那种感觉，但只有我自己会知道，当自己日后说起这一段故事，是一段连自己也被感动的日子。
每一会锁住荧幕上的《星光大道》， 免不了的是一回回的感动，是种说不起又嵌入心中的滋味。选手们都把战场当成了他们表演的舞台，把本身的故事唱处来，我深深体会到他们所要传达的情感和经历。
曾经，我也是个爱上舞台的孩子。罕有地说起这一段故事，我会默默地踏上了时光隧道。
当时还在小学稚气的岁月，我最向往的是能够站上舞台。是一种既紧张，又有成就感，又开心的一刹那。曾经，是个爱表演的孩子——唱歌，演讲，诗歌朗诵，讲故事，我一一尝试过。说不起是什么鼎鼎大名的选手或表演者，我享受的是那种苦涩又值得回忆的过程。手上领着奖杯的时候给予我的是无限的肯定。家中摆满的奖杯不再像昔日般的闪烁，但每一回凝视着它们心中有的不只是回忆，更深厚的是骄傲。
谈起音乐，我总是擦肩而过。我爱上的是歌曲的旋律，歌词的故事，还有那无界的乐坛。还有，能够自由地玩起乐器，自弹自唱。然而，我失去的是好多的机会。长大以来，我一直都很想玩音乐，哼起歌来，做个享受音乐的孩子，但都没机会去学。有的是短短地玩起了潮州儒乐，虽然看不懂乐谱，一窍不通地玩起了音乐，还是无比的感动。很无奈地，因为一段令我很失落的小插曲，我失去了表演和继续学音乐的机会。
说起来，十八岁了，我还是守住了我隐藏着的艺术细胞。爱唱歌，爱舞蹈，爱的是能够诠释自己的机会。我渴望的是有一天，在我追梦的旅途中，能玩起音乐，开启生命中新的篇章。
梦，固然遥远，但跌跌撞撞过了一段日子之后，可能依然有那种感觉，但只有我自己会知道，当自己日后说起这一段故事，是一段连自己也被感动的日子。
Monday, September 28, 2015
Believe all that you can
Dating back to one year, I was still the usual me who held high expectation on myself. I constantly told myself that I shouldn't let my parents, my teachers and my friends down. That was when I sat for SPM Trial. I could remember how frustration and disappointment pinned me down when I received unsatisfactory grades. Tears started to trickle as I grinned my teeth against each other, trying to hold the teardrops back. I made mistakes, I lost a couple of A+. Knowing how much effort I have put it and how crucial the results will be for my college scholarship application, the despair doubled. I had my forehead frowned and smile robbed away. But, I still remembered to remind myself that I should keep up with a smile. However, the stress tripled when teachers gave me their encouragement. I tried hard to not tear. I put on a strong front. That was also the point of time I got back into a relationship after the breakup. It was also a tough time I had struggling best of both world while coping with bottled up emotions as I realise that he was leaving for UK. That was how hard the time was for me.
Then, entering college, I fervently hope that things will get better. However, there comes the painstaking LDR, video calls at dawn, hours of text messaging and lots more. Those were memories that will etch forever, for being my first love. Days before our one year, my world was torn apart. One year anniversary means how much we have been through thick and thin, through argument, through breakup, through all the toughest and brightest days, but we fail to pull through it. I had my heart wrenched. Having prepared a video for nights, I could not hold back the tears as I knew it was the end to our relationship. It is near to impossible for us to hook back together. Knowing that the decision comes from him, I took no longer to respect his decision, for he has been my loved one. If it was the best and it was for the longest journey we can reach, I am glad we had been through it. Days were gloomy but "keep smiling, let them wonder how you are still smiling". I persevered to live the best of my life. Being single doesn't mean it's the end of my world.
"Hey little fighter, when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow"
Blessed for this tough ride, I have grown with maturity. I have learnt to believe in myself. I have been strong for myself.
Friday, September 18, 2015
The norm of studying abroad
Up late, I took a step back and thought: what's so great of studying abroad? No doubt growing up with cousins and friends who studied in the UK, Australia and Hong Kong, I was always abuzzed with excitement and instantly decided that I should not lose race in this bandwagon. But, what's about it? Living a more 'contemporary' life? Enjoying the foreign culture?
Once, I was eager to set foot in a foreign land, be it the Great Britain or the Asian jam-packed Australia. I have been wanting to leap out of my home country. I anticipated to embrace a new beginning, with the prospect of living independently. I thought that I should graduate with a degree from a renowned university and secure a better job opportunity. These are all that I (or we) are accustomed to. We pulled through more than 15 schooling years, graduate from university, get a degree and enter the working world. It's more than a typical scenario in any part of the world, if we are blessed with a fairly comfortable and financially-stable life.
I'm not to deny any of the incredibly essential plus points of gaining a wider exposure. There are so much to offer out there. If I am given the opportunity, I will seize it without holding back. Despite of obscurities, I will give my best shot for the upcoming examination.
From a different perspective, I bound to realize leaving home is analogy to stepping out of your comfort zone. The experience of studying abroad does not come with a snap of my fingertips; only hard work pays off. Having given the opportunity, anyone of us should not take it for granted, nor to turn snobbish. It's just money which matters your personality and attitude. Chasing after bewildering dreams, friends and family who have been your pillar of support must not be forgotten. They were your confidante and your loved one.
Till then. Gambateh!
Once, I was eager to set foot in a foreign land, be it the Great Britain or the Asian jam-packed Australia. I have been wanting to leap out of my home country. I anticipated to embrace a new beginning, with the prospect of living independently. I thought that I should graduate with a degree from a renowned university and secure a better job opportunity. These are all that I (or we) are accustomed to. We pulled through more than 15 schooling years, graduate from university, get a degree and enter the working world. It's more than a typical scenario in any part of the world, if we are blessed with a fairly comfortable and financially-stable life.
I'm not to deny any of the incredibly essential plus points of gaining a wider exposure. There are so much to offer out there. If I am given the opportunity, I will seize it without holding back. Despite of obscurities, I will give my best shot for the upcoming examination.
From a different perspective, I bound to realize leaving home is analogy to stepping out of your comfort zone. The experience of studying abroad does not come with a snap of my fingertips; only hard work pays off. Having given the opportunity, anyone of us should not take it for granted, nor to turn snobbish. It's just money which matters your personality and attitude. Chasing after bewildering dreams, friends and family who have been your pillar of support must not be forgotten. They were your confidante and your loved one.
Till then. Gambateh!
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
One step at a time
Just completed Mock Exam last week, time is still ticking off, with less than a month to actual AS Exam. How time has flown by. It feels that I graduated from high school not long ago. Well, I have to keep moving forward, with positivity.
I manage to catch up with some of my high school teachers when I dropped by to seek their help for university application. Words I received from them warmed my heart, as always. To cite a few, my Mandarin teacher who has been teaching me for four years saw the maturity in me although I have only left for college for eight months. When she knew what had happened to me, she never fails to give her words of encouragement to me. Angels like her gives me the strength to pick myself up. To not dwell in the past, it's time for me to paint my future and quench my thirst in chasing my dreams. I may have been in wanderlust but regardless of others' perception about my dreams, I have a clear view of what I'm up to, what I'm to achieve in the years to come.
Indeed, it's not an easy attempt for me to reach higher goals and tick off my bucket list. One at a time, I believe I'm one step nearer to climb up to the peak where I reap what I have sowed.
I manage to catch up with some of my high school teachers when I dropped by to seek their help for university application. Words I received from them warmed my heart, as always. To cite a few, my Mandarin teacher who has been teaching me for four years saw the maturity in me although I have only left for college for eight months. When she knew what had happened to me, she never fails to give her words of encouragement to me. Angels like her gives me the strength to pick myself up. To not dwell in the past, it's time for me to paint my future and quench my thirst in chasing my dreams. I may have been in wanderlust but regardless of others' perception about my dreams, I have a clear view of what I'm up to, what I'm to achieve in the years to come.
Indeed, it's not an easy attempt for me to reach higher goals and tick off my bucket list. One at a time, I believe I'm one step nearer to climb up to the peak where I reap what I have sowed.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
thank you, love
One week to Mock, one of the most crucial exams, which determines my application to universities. Repeatedly, I have been mentioning the same thing but well, there are more going on now and then. Some struck me hard, some make me ponder, some just make me wonder. Nevertheless, I will turn out stronger.
Even when we will have to take seperate paths, I'm blessed for this unforgettable journey. Every advise still lingers in me, they teach me to be a better person. Every downfall, every heartbreak, teaches me that I should love myself more. As I make more positive changes in me, I should stand by my life principles, and hold on to my dreams. I deserve better.
Thank you for crossing my path.
Even when we will have to take seperate paths, I'm blessed for this unforgettable journey. Every advise still lingers in me, they teach me to be a better person. Every downfall, every heartbreak, teaches me that I should love myself more. As I make more positive changes in me, I should stand by my life principles, and hold on to my dreams. I deserve better.
Thank you for crossing my path.
Friday, August 7, 2015
If only
Life has been really hectic recently. As soon as I thought it is coming to an end, the cycle begins and continues. Oh well, I can't help much but to bear with it.
Haven't been writing/babbling here, I was caught up with my studies and a really heavy workload. This is also the time when stress creeps in and robs me of my happiness. I know I should learn to cope with it but everyone has their moment okay? Having sort of a mixed emotions, I'm trying to take things one at a time and to let go certain past memories. It was never easy, and it will never be. Some days like this I will look back and think if a miracle had happened, it will be all different now. Well, it was meant to happen. So here I am embarking on a journey of many uncertainties, searching for my love and passion and enduring all challenges and tears.
To think about the upcoming exams, I'm having the fear in me, no longer excitement. Every doubt which I have piles up and it goes on. I think I have never been in this state for some time and I never want to. I just can't wait to get over this and get on a solo vacation. I need a breakaway. I need some time for myself.
Days like these I just want to cuddle up in my bed and wallow in deep thoughts and tear.
Please be kind to me.
Haven't been writing/babbling here, I was caught up with my studies and a really heavy workload. This is also the time when stress creeps in and robs me of my happiness. I know I should learn to cope with it but everyone has their moment okay? Having sort of a mixed emotions, I'm trying to take things one at a time and to let go certain past memories. It was never easy, and it will never be. Some days like this I will look back and think if a miracle had happened, it will be all different now. Well, it was meant to happen. So here I am embarking on a journey of many uncertainties, searching for my love and passion and enduring all challenges and tears.
To think about the upcoming exams, I'm having the fear in me, no longer excitement. Every doubt which I have piles up and it goes on. I think I have never been in this state for some time and I never want to. I just can't wait to get over this and get on a solo vacation. I need a breakaway. I need some time for myself.
Days like these I just want to cuddle up in my bed and wallow in deep thoughts and tear.
Please be kind to me.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Leo Installation Ceremony
The day has finally arrived - to be installed as an Omega Leo and the Assistant Secretary of Leo Club of PJI. To me, I have much feel for this day, till this very moment after the ceremony ended.
So here I am putting my thoughts to words once again. It was never easy starting afresh along my journey, finding light from the pitch black darkness where I was dwelling in. I'm just beyond blessed to be in this big family. I'm so grateful for all the opportunities provided and trust that the seniors have given me because these recognition mean more than anything to me. The contentment comes from the words of encouragement from my seniors although being part of this loving family requires much more commitment and dedication. Their tremendous support teaches me to love myself more. I believe here, I will be a better person who I will be proud of.
So here I am putting my thoughts to words once again. It was never easy starting afresh along my journey, finding light from the pitch black darkness where I was dwelling in. I'm just beyond blessed to be in this big family. I'm so grateful for all the opportunities provided and trust that the seniors have given me because these recognition mean more than anything to me. The contentment comes from the words of encouragement from my seniors although being part of this loving family requires much more commitment and dedication. Their tremendous support teaches me to love myself more. I believe here, I will be a better person who I will be proud of.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
没有人可以阻止妳，因为妳是妳的
一步一脚印， 我领悟的真的不少，累积的只有越来越多。当不上了意料之外的转捩点，我最大的的感触莫过于身边爱我的人，仍然相信我，愿意肩并肩带领我走出黑暗的每一个人。 我常说我多么珍惜他们，然而这一刻，我所想说的并不是我多么的感激他们，而是多么的感恩他们的无私，他们的坚持，还有感谢他们如何为我点亮了我生命中的那把坚强的火炬。不管曾经发生了什么大小事，他们还是无条件的扮演我身边的守护天使。
有的时候，我会渴望时间逆流，回到那段挺难忘，懵懂的岁月。甜美的回忆总是情不自禁地嵌入心房。再多的不舍，再多的委屈，只有抿嘴一笑，大步地继续往前走。豆蔻年华之十八载，我还是用很长远的路要走，停下不是一种选择。
一桩桩事情，我更加能够肯定自己会找一片更属于我，更好的天空。雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽的。我也很感谢这个让我磨炼自己的机会，因为这个艰难的路途让我找回了自己，让我学会肯定自己，让我释怀地接受命运的残酷和不公平，还有让我更加爱自己和为自己拟定我所想要的未来。
一个偶然的机遇，我发现的并不少。
爱情就像一部棋，下了那一步，没有回转的余地。掌控棋局的幕后推手让你因当局者迷之因而盲目地去爱。傻气，稚气会让一个人更加地受伤害。
不管前景如何，不管我们俩的机遇如何，这一段路，没有你，还是没有今天的我。我别无选择下学会勇敢和坚强，学会爱自己。感恩这一段初恋。
还有，我只想努力地活得更好。并不是因为我想证明没有了你，我活得很好，我其实在试着找回自己，完成我的意愿，还有我的梦想。
“以前的妳恋爱，觉得爱妳的人最好，
但现在的妳要的爱情则是，
爱的想法更妳一样的人，最好。
爱情里面，没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不爱了谁。
单纯的爱或许不简单，
但是要勉强去谈自己不认同的爱，欲更难。
妳并不是选择了单身，
而是选择了自己想要的爱情。
原来时针一直停留在他离开的那一天，
天气，电影或者音乐，中有让妳想起他的理由。”
取之《想念，却不想见的人》
有的时候，我会渴望时间逆流，回到那段挺难忘，懵懂的岁月。甜美的回忆总是情不自禁地嵌入心房。再多的不舍，再多的委屈，只有抿嘴一笑，大步地继续往前走。豆蔻年华之十八载，我还是用很长远的路要走，停下不是一种选择。
一桩桩事情，我更加能够肯定自己会找一片更属于我，更好的天空。雨后的彩虹会是更艳丽的。我也很感谢这个让我磨炼自己的机会，因为这个艰难的路途让我找回了自己，让我学会肯定自己，让我释怀地接受命运的残酷和不公平，还有让我更加爱自己和为自己拟定我所想要的未来。
一个偶然的机遇，我发现的并不少。
爱情就像一部棋，下了那一步，没有回转的余地。掌控棋局的幕后推手让你因当局者迷之因而盲目地去爱。傻气，稚气会让一个人更加地受伤害。
不管前景如何，不管我们俩的机遇如何，这一段路，没有你，还是没有今天的我。我别无选择下学会勇敢和坚强，学会爱自己。感恩这一段初恋。
还有，我只想努力地活得更好。并不是因为我想证明没有了你，我活得很好，我其实在试着找回自己，完成我的意愿，还有我的梦想。
“以前的妳恋爱，觉得爱妳的人最好，
但现在的妳要的爱情则是，
爱的想法更妳一样的人，最好。
爱情里面，没有谁对不起谁，
只有谁不爱了谁。
单纯的爱或许不简单，
但是要勉强去谈自己不认同的爱，欲更难。
妳并不是选择了单身，
而是选择了自己想要的爱情。
原来时针一直停留在他离开的那一天，
天气，电影或者音乐，中有让妳想起他的理由。”
取之《想念，却不想见的人》
Friday, July 10, 2015
Be your own sunshine
Entering July, my second semester in college, sometimes I would just drown myself in a vast sea and ponder how have I struggled and staggered through one of the toughest time in my life, question why would I choose to be here struggling to give my best academically. I always thought that "hey, I made the right decision for myself!" at the beginning but eventually I am engulfed by regret. I was just being myself, being stubborn and always believing in myself more than anyone. I was rebellious, I'm still am. You can't get away from it. But I'm glad I am. It correlates with my strong determination to pursue what I want, and be living dreams - loving what I live, doing what I love. Along the journey of self-discovery for the past few months, I gradually have a clearer picture of where I should belong to. Fame and perception have me bogged down all this while. I was being naive and innocent. I tend to follow the flow. I always wanted to be others.
Now, I know that's not what I should look up to, that's not what I want.
Indeed, I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to embark on this tough ride. Because it has made me grow stronger day by day, and driven me to be who I should be. I deserve better.
Expectations could be viewed negatively and positively. Anyone will eventually be so, incredibly tired of living up to expectations. This is how perceptions are involved; people would perceive you as a smart kid, an A student while expecting you to achieve even remarkable results. I was once there, chasing for all the As and neglecting the purpose of life.
Today, blinded by how realistic the society is, many people tend to have their perceptions as tools to influence others. I hated this much. As much as I don't know much about arts or humanities courses, I never despise them; in fact I try to learn as much as I could. But I would still meet people who are there trying hard to tell you to be "realistic" and not live your dreams. We may have totally distinct interest but it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you should be and what you should do. You are who you are.
Next, fame. Yeah you could have all the fame going to prestigious universities, leaving home and bidding farewell to your beloved family and friends. Your parents would be able to hold their head high up when they are asked of their child's whereabout, but on the other hand, financial capability will most probably be a major concern of many. It's a bare fact that no matter how incredibly excellent a person is, without money, you may have been confined to a narrower range of choices on what and where to pursue your degree. Naked truth hurts. Dreams may have to be washed down the drain or be kept aside as it all comes down to reality. However, one day, as long as you keep trying and keep believing, there's still a ray of hope, I believe.
"Forget all the reason why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will,"
your life belongs to you
Yours sincerely,
Mish
Now, I know that's not what I should look up to, that's not what I want.
Indeed, I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity to embark on this tough ride. Because it has made me grow stronger day by day, and driven me to be who I should be. I deserve better.
Expectations could be viewed negatively and positively. Anyone will eventually be so, incredibly tired of living up to expectations. This is how perceptions are involved; people would perceive you as a smart kid, an A student while expecting you to achieve even remarkable results. I was once there, chasing for all the As and neglecting the purpose of life.
Today, blinded by how realistic the society is, many people tend to have their perceptions as tools to influence others. I hated this much. As much as I don't know much about arts or humanities courses, I never despise them; in fact I try to learn as much as I could. But I would still meet people who are there trying hard to tell you to be "realistic" and not live your dreams. We may have totally distinct interest but it's not up to anyone else to tell you what you should be and what you should do. You are who you are.
Next, fame. Yeah you could have all the fame going to prestigious universities, leaving home and bidding farewell to your beloved family and friends. Your parents would be able to hold their head high up when they are asked of their child's whereabout, but on the other hand, financial capability will most probably be a major concern of many. It's a bare fact that no matter how incredibly excellent a person is, without money, you may have been confined to a narrower range of choices on what and where to pursue your degree. Naked truth hurts. Dreams may have to be washed down the drain or be kept aside as it all comes down to reality. However, one day, as long as you keep trying and keep believing, there's still a ray of hope, I believe.
"Forget all the reason why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will,"
your life belongs to you
Yours sincerely,
Mish
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Love yourself more than anything
Given the opportunity for self-discovery, I realise I have so many things yet to be accomplish. There goes my bucket list, patiently waiting for me to complete them one by one. Perhaps this downfall is a reminder for me to search for my inner self and just do what I truly love. I no longer have to contemplate on what I should or should not do, nor to allocate time for others.
I know I'm on the right track now. I will just have to keep pushing, keep striving and be proud of myself. It's time for me to love myself more than anything.
Two more months till mock exam. Wish me luck!
I know I'm on the right track now. I will just have to keep pushing, keep striving and be proud of myself. It's time for me to love myself more than anything.
Two more months till mock exam. Wish me luck!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Happy Father's Day!
My dad has been my pillar of support since I was young. For every step I have taken, he's always there to give his greatest form of encouragement. Despite the lack of exchange of words, through actions, he has shown the most priceless kind of love to me.
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
As I enter adulthood, I'm always, forever am the princess in his heart. He showered me with love and care; satisfying my cravings and treating me with gifts and surprise. He knows what is best for me and though we seldom open up to each other, he has shown me that no matter rain or shine, no matter what happens to me any day any time, I will still be able to come home to a place where he, my mum and my brother will be able to mend the broken pieces in me and shine light at the darkest time I have ever encountered. Whenever I stumbled and fell, my dad will guide me back to where I will stand back up and face the rest of the days with courage. My dad has taught me to be a strong girl.
I know this has been appearing on my blog again and again but I just got to say, days were tough for me. As I hang a smile and take a brave step forward, internally I am still struggling to cope. It's all about growing up.
My world might have been pitch black if it was without my superdad. Along the way as I faced numerable challenges, he reminded me that my family will still have my back regardless of what has happened. Just when I was utterly disappointed with my SPM results and broke into tears, they were still incredibly proud of what I have achieved. If it was without them, I wouldn't know what will I be doing now.
My dad will forever and always be the person who I look up to and the only man who I truly love, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how long will I still be able to enjoy the luxury of being home with my dad and my mum, but studying abroad will definitely bring a whole new perspective of staying strong to me.
Daddy, thank you for all you have provided me with; by being my tutor, my advisor, my mobile ATM, my best friend, my joker, my one and only Papa. I love you to the moon and to the back.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!
Friday, June 19, 2015
相信
我，选择了相信属于我的梦想和理想。
我，只想用双手彩绘出属于我的未来。
再苦再累，只有往前走，我才能创出我渴望的一片天空。
《我值得快乐》
我站在这个路口 往回还是继续走
决定让自己逆流 原谅我
没有把握 去捡起我的软弱
散落一地 任它 别再拼凑
我穿越这座山丘 开始也是个尽头
时间是一个沙漏 不停留
没有理由 去掩饰我很执著
韧性一身 漂泊 有话直说
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
再见吧我的孩子气 再见面我依然清晰
别讨厌我 现在说话(肯定)的语气
请相信我也可以 走到梦的目的地
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
演唱：Nicole赖淞凤
词曲：戴佩妮
编曲：李祥熙
製作人：彭学斌
我，只想用双手彩绘出属于我的未来。
再苦再累，只有往前走，我才能创出我渴望的一片天空。
《我值得快乐》
我站在这个路口 往回还是继续走
决定让自己逆流 原谅我
没有把握 去捡起我的软弱
散落一地 任它 别再拼凑
我穿越这座山丘 开始也是个尽头
时间是一个沙漏 不停留
没有理由 去掩饰我很执著
韧性一身 漂泊 有话直说
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
再见吧我的孩子气 再见面我依然清晰
别讨厌我 现在说话(肯定)的语气
请相信我也可以 走到梦的目的地
I can be stronger I can be higher
用一路的曲折 证明自己的可能
我走过坎坷 也尝过生命中的苦涩
痛只是短暂的一道光泽 我值得快乐
演唱：Nicole赖淞凤
词曲：戴佩妮
编曲：李祥熙
製作人：彭学斌
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Moving on
As I stumbled upon others' life experiences shared on the Internet, it would make me drown in my thoughts as I churn in every single emotion of the writer. I have been in their shoes, have totally felt the way they fell, have been all hopeless, agonized, and remorseful. I have been like them, once, perhaps twice.
As I hold my head high and walk through the darkest days, courage gives me all I need to stand up on my two feet, again. It was never easy, but I'm able to keep pushing myself forward, till the very end where I will be incredibly pleased at how far I have walked through.
A piece of advice; keep believing in yourself and have faith in your ability. Embrace yourself, love yourself and appreciate people who love you from the bottom from their hearts.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Second semester
Having a semester break, a short one, still makes me appreciate the luxury of being able to blog whenever I like. Was pretty caught up with quite a number of problems make me not a really happy person. Just not the kind of genuine happy. I've always told myself now and then, I will be happy because I'm happy and not because I want to.
So in less than a week time, I will be entering the second semester of A-Level. Haven't been truly enjoying college because of the ever-suffocating workload, I'm glad to be able to take just some time off this holiday although I still have some work on hand to complete. Perhaps next semester will be a better one and a brand new start for me, with a whole new perspective and motivation. Despite having to face AS, IELTS and CAE exams (all three in one semester!), and not to forget to intimidating university application (one of which I love and hate at the most), I still wanna seize every single moment of this six months as without realising, 2016 will be approaching. And perhaps after AS, I will have a wayyy longer semester break and more precious family time when my brother lands on homeland after 10 months. Entering the age of 18, besides learning the juggle with my own problems, time spent with family and friends especially those I'm not able to been that often is one of which I truly appreciate the most. You never know or without realising, it's time to bid farewell. With a heavy heart (a sunken feeling), 2016 is most probably a hardest time to settle down when most of my peeps will be embarking on their universities life in different countries, and maybe I will be apart of them as well. It's totally impossible for me to be at the same place with all of them, just a handful of them. Whereas, most of my dearest friends, will most probably be staying here at our homeland. It's heart-breaking not being able to explore a whole new world with them but the idea of being able to come home to them once a while still comforts me much.
Here I have listed out the countries which I will be handing in my university application real soon, and I decided to keep the names a secret until I make my decision (or you can ask me personally if you are really that desperate):
1. the United Kingdom, of majestic English buildings and Malaysians-try-to-copy British accent
2. Australia, where kangaroos and koalas fascinate me
3. Canada, where one of the major city located along the vast blue sea in the lush green forests gives me a rustic yet enjoyable kind of feeling
4. Hong Kong, a bustling city which have many undiscovered and hidden gems
5. Singapore, just our neighboring county!
6. Malaysia, how can I forget my homeland
So in less than a week time, I will be entering the second semester of A-Level. Haven't been truly enjoying college because of the ever-suffocating workload, I'm glad to be able to take just some time off this holiday although I still have some work on hand to complete. Perhaps next semester will be a better one and a brand new start for me, with a whole new perspective and motivation. Despite having to face AS, IELTS and CAE exams (all three in one semester!), and not to forget to intimidating university application (one of which I love and hate at the most), I still wanna seize every single moment of this six months as without realising, 2016 will be approaching. And perhaps after AS, I will have a wayyy longer semester break and more precious family time when my brother lands on homeland after 10 months. Entering the age of 18, besides learning the juggle with my own problems, time spent with family and friends especially those I'm not able to been that often is one of which I truly appreciate the most. You never know or without realising, it's time to bid farewell. With a heavy heart (a sunken feeling), 2016 is most probably a hardest time to settle down when most of my peeps will be embarking on their universities life in different countries, and maybe I will be apart of them as well. It's totally impossible for me to be at the same place with all of them, just a handful of them. Whereas, most of my dearest friends, will most probably be staying here at our homeland. It's heart-breaking not being able to explore a whole new world with them but the idea of being able to come home to them once a while still comforts me much.
Here I have listed out the countries which I will be handing in my university application real soon, and I decided to keep the names a secret until I make my decision (or you can ask me personally if you are really that desperate):
1. the United Kingdom, of majestic English buildings and Malaysians-try-to-copy British accent
2. Australia, where kangaroos and koalas fascinate me
3. Canada, where one of the major city located along the vast blue sea in the lush green forests gives me a rustic yet enjoyable kind of feeling
4. Hong Kong, a bustling city which have many undiscovered and hidden gems
5. Singapore, just our neighboring county!
6. Malaysia, how can I forget my homeland
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Hello June!
I'm in the midst of my semester break and after these two weeks, I have to gear up and push myself for the upcoming examinations. Well, to think about it, no matter how much a struggle life was for the past five months, in a blink of an eye, it's already mid of the year. Perhaps tough time doesn't last? (this must be a joke haha) I'm JUST pulling through AS, imagine A2. As daunting as it is, I have to work even harder, because I know this is my boarding pass to embark on a new journey, to my dream destination. No matter where it is, I have opened up many doors (and even back-up plans), more like a game strategy honestly because I have reminded myself I could aim high, but regardless of which I'm going to achieve, whether it's my dream place or not, I have put my best foot forward and I should embrace my future. Even if it's due to other personal constraints and not because of my results, I have learn to accept it. Isn't this life all about? Accept it and move on?
Having some time to myself these two weeks, I preferred to stay at home to do some work, some researches and put my thoughts together to reflect on the path that I have chosen to walk. I would say I have and have no regrets for it. The reason behind it absolutely brings out the best out of me while on the other hand, maybe I should have been who I want to be and held on to some principles of mine. I was easily swayed away once I'm convinced. I wouldn't bee in the spot I am today, excruciatingly facing the problems laden on my shoulder, if I have taken a firm stand. But, if it wasn't this nature of mine, I would not grow stronger and learn from every experience which I gain tremendously. It's just a part and parcel of life. I fell for countless times, and I just have to pick myself up, walk out of it, learn from it, grow from it and be a better person after all? No one is to be blamed; a lesson which I have learn. No hatred should be involved in this process. Even if I would think that I was deeply betrayed or cheated on, and whether it's true or not, it's not up to me to make a judgement. Even if it's proved to be true, am I left with a choice to take a revenge? The answer is no, this is not a fight. I can be angry for a moment but after that, I'll accept what I'm destined for. It's just fate. Like I don't particularly care how I'm judged, unless it's an advice which I will heed.
After all these, after an 'eventful' month, I came to a realization that this is what I will be walking through as I enter adulthood. To list a couple of adjectives from my personal experience, it will be: painful, frustrated, disappointed, helpless.....that sound pretty negative but it was a 'good' experience as I said, I grow from it. Lesson learn - believe in yourself more than anyone. Quoting one of my favorite quote, "stormy days don't last", no matter how tough it is to pull through it, I believe that one day, when I'm living my dream, I will be able to look back at how much I have grown and be proud of myself. Many prefer to say that life is unfair, buttt I won't put it in this way. I rather take it as life has placed each distinct individual on different path for he or she to walk, some may have a bed of roses, some may just have to pick up themselves and never give up. Even if we are envious of others, just keep telling yourself, since I'm destined for this, I'm given the advantage to savor the bitter part of it first before I'm on par with those who are enjoying life. I have used "savor" because it's definitely a self-discovering journey.
To end this rather emotional post, I take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have made me who I am today. Special shout out to all my close friends out there, specifically those whom I have fostered a strong bond with throughout my high school years, thank you so much for shining light on me, guiding me, and dawn me with realization that I am never alone and teaching me so much of things (keeping some things personal here!) some of you are truly blessings to me because I wouldn't know how to face all these without you guys. A message, a phone call means more than anything to me. You guys made me realise that friendship is something which I should never lose and be taken granted of. I sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings if I have done any for the past one year. Thank you for staying by my side through thick and thin. Much love for all of you, especially Xinyuan, Ziyin, Zhiying, Eunice, Jia Yee, Wing Yee, Jocelyn, Jun Xiang, Victor, Jaryl, Kiat Shen. Once again, thanks guys!
Having some time to myself these two weeks, I preferred to stay at home to do some work, some researches and put my thoughts together to reflect on the path that I have chosen to walk. I would say I have and have no regrets for it. The reason behind it absolutely brings out the best out of me while on the other hand, maybe I should have been who I want to be and held on to some principles of mine. I was easily swayed away once I'm convinced. I wouldn't bee in the spot I am today, excruciatingly facing the problems laden on my shoulder, if I have taken a firm stand. But, if it wasn't this nature of mine, I would not grow stronger and learn from every experience which I gain tremendously. It's just a part and parcel of life. I fell for countless times, and I just have to pick myself up, walk out of it, learn from it, grow from it and be a better person after all? No one is to be blamed; a lesson which I have learn. No hatred should be involved in this process. Even if I would think that I was deeply betrayed or cheated on, and whether it's true or not, it's not up to me to make a judgement. Even if it's proved to be true, am I left with a choice to take a revenge? The answer is no, this is not a fight. I can be angry for a moment but after that, I'll accept what I'm destined for. It's just fate. Like I don't particularly care how I'm judged, unless it's an advice which I will heed.
After all these, after an 'eventful' month, I came to a realization that this is what I will be walking through as I enter adulthood. To list a couple of adjectives from my personal experience, it will be: painful, frustrated, disappointed, helpless.....that sound pretty negative but it was a 'good' experience as I said, I grow from it. Lesson learn - believe in yourself more than anyone. Quoting one of my favorite quote, "stormy days don't last", no matter how tough it is to pull through it, I believe that one day, when I'm living my dream, I will be able to look back at how much I have grown and be proud of myself. Many prefer to say that life is unfair, buttt I won't put it in this way. I rather take it as life has placed each distinct individual on different path for he or she to walk, some may have a bed of roses, some may just have to pick up themselves and never give up. Even if we are envious of others, just keep telling yourself, since I'm destined for this, I'm given the advantage to savor the bitter part of it first before I'm on par with those who are enjoying life. I have used "savor" because it's definitely a self-discovering journey.
To end this rather emotional post, I take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who have made me who I am today. Special shout out to all my close friends out there, specifically those whom I have fostered a strong bond with throughout my high school years, thank you so much for shining light on me, guiding me, and dawn me with realization that I am never alone and teaching me so much of things (keeping some things personal here!) some of you are truly blessings to me because I wouldn't know how to face all these without you guys. A message, a phone call means more than anything to me. You guys made me realise that friendship is something which I should never lose and be taken granted of. I sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings if I have done any for the past one year. Thank you for staying by my side through thick and thin. Much love for all of you, especially Xinyuan, Ziyin, Zhiying, Eunice, Jia Yee, Wing Yee, Jocelyn, Jun Xiang, Victor, Jaryl, Kiat Shen. Once again, thanks guys!
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Back to reality
I just came back from a pretty short getaway in Penang and I finally got to meet my friend back from high school. It's pretty much a trip for me to let down my hair and to divert my attention from all the workload which is still pilling up. Anyway, it's still one of the most enjoyable trip.
So, other than working on my studies, I have to sort of complete my research on universities and have rough idea on where I should head to. "Live my dream" is always what I believe in as I know a couple years down the road, I just want to be living a decent life which I have no qualms of. I may or may not be making a good fortune out of my career but most importantly, I'm happy and proud of myself. I know choosing biomedical science as my first degree doesn't really gives me a "hopeful" future with "satisfying" pay or not even a path which many will not even take. I receive undesirable comments as knowing that it's not as popular as the usual professions such as medical and pharmacy, people start to question my decision. I just want to say I will take responsible for my decision, I'm sure I have no regrets because in the next few year of university life, I will be having the most exciting experience.
Next, it all comes down to financial problems. You have prestigious and renowned city university, you also have a more homely student town university. Which ti opt for? In terms of tuition fee, without doubt, city university is always on the high side, reaching 20k pound per year (approximately RM120,000) and this does not include other living cost. I don't see the need to spend a fortune to enter a top notch university if I won't be able to make the best out of my university life. Fame, is all that people look up to in today's society. "Hey, he graduated from Ox----/ Cam-----/ Har---- (the list goes on), he must be a genius!" That's the perception which everyone has. Even I did, back when I was young. Well, it's not about to going to the "BEST" university because perhaps ten years from that, you will be living the same life as everyone else. Who cares whether you are a graduate from these schools or not if you absolutely can't see a VERY bright future upon graduation. I'm leaving it to fate and luck whether I am able to embark on this challenging journey.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed :)
So, other than working on my studies, I have to sort of complete my research on universities and have rough idea on where I should head to. "Live my dream" is always what I believe in as I know a couple years down the road, I just want to be living a decent life which I have no qualms of. I may or may not be making a good fortune out of my career but most importantly, I'm happy and proud of myself. I know choosing biomedical science as my first degree doesn't really gives me a "hopeful" future with "satisfying" pay or not even a path which many will not even take. I receive undesirable comments as knowing that it's not as popular as the usual professions such as medical and pharmacy, people start to question my decision. I just want to say I will take responsible for my decision, I'm sure I have no regrets because in the next few year of university life, I will be having the most exciting experience.
Next, it all comes down to financial problems. You have prestigious and renowned city university, you also have a more homely student town university. Which ti opt for? In terms of tuition fee, without doubt, city university is always on the high side, reaching 20k pound per year (approximately RM120,000) and this does not include other living cost. I don't see the need to spend a fortune to enter a top notch university if I won't be able to make the best out of my university life. Fame, is all that people look up to in today's society. "Hey, he graduated from Ox----/ Cam-----/ Har---- (the list goes on), he must be a genius!" That's the perception which everyone has. Even I did, back when I was young. Well, it's not about to going to the "BEST" university because perhaps ten years from that, you will be living the same life as everyone else. Who cares whether you are a graduate from these schools or not if you absolutely can't see a VERY bright future upon graduation. I'm leaving it to fate and luck whether I am able to embark on this challenging journey.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
A rather emotional night
There's always emotional nights with a roller coaster ride of feeling engulfing me. Perhaps it's really time for me to put down everything and let go of all the burdens, emotions and just have some time for myself after tomorrow. I should really put the two weeks of holiday into good use before embarking on an even more challenging journey.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
It's not that long after the day, but it seems that it has been months, yet years. I couldn't put how it feels into words, in fact. Reminiscing the best time and the memories etched, it's still a struggle to take a huge step forward and embrace the downfalls in life. It comes to a point when I'm so frustrated over my studies and I just want to give up on every single thing. I have really thought of doing so, just to give myself some time to reflect on myself. I'm just so mentally and emotionally drained. I could force a smile and stay strong, because I have made a decision for myself to walk through this toughest time as the better and brighter days await.
The cutting words that tore me down seems to linger on. As much as it hurts, I took it as a bare truth that if it's not meant to be, it will eventually come to an end when someone else has walked into it. It was a great one year, without doubt, with so much of memories created together. And the encouragement, the positive vibes are still driving me to be the courageous one. Probably due to how much I have been through, I have learnt to strive relentlessly and not to give easily. I'm rather grateful for this chapter of my life because it indeed has placed me on a rocky path, for me to stagger my way through. Because of the stormy days, I holded on to the pillar of strength and plucked up the courage to persevere.
It's just my greatest blessing to be surrounded by people who truly appreciate and love me along the way. Their forms of encouragement lifted up my spirit when I was rather down. I can't be anymore grateful for them. I will deserve someone better, someone who truly loves me, for who I am, one day.
While pulling through this hurdle, I have major examinations around the corners and these will determine my entry to my desired universities. And it's probably destined for things to turn out this way so that I can have a clearer picture of my own future. I have not lost the fighting spirit to work towards my dream. Now, I'm able to paint a future of mine, and freed to chase my dreams across the horizon, without any attachment. Even if I'm not able to be at where I'm hope to be at, I know at any place in the world, I will be able to continue to live my dreams, and be the girl who makes my parents and friends proud. Whether I'm able to live the first, second, third or last choice of mine, it will still bring me somewhere, to a place where I will encounter new experiences, meet new people and perhaps foster new bonds.
Life has been made to be challenging, as exciting as it is.
You just got to take extra miles and walk through it.
Wonderful things await.
Friday, May 15, 2015
What have crossed my path
Just wanted to take some time off from my mundane routine (seriously don't expect an 'interesting' life if you aim to score really well haha). Well, I wasn't really into blogging lately with quite a number of commitments while juggling with my studies. I got to say studies, books, classes won't bring you anywhere in life or in the near future which won't be too far away. You might be able to get into the best university in the world with top scores but but where you will be after your university days? Not to be judgmental but I have seen and heard people around me who have graduated from the best universities in the UK (you know who they are) ended up being lecturers. Well, without these brainy people as educators, there won't be me and you who are able to study up to secondary and tertiary education. On the other hand, it also doesn't mean that by enrolling into a mediocre universities, you can go really far and be the world richest billionaire in split seconds.
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
What I really think is that everyone can go somewhere, be someone and make the best out of your own life. I won't say I have been through the very worst as I'm counting the blessings and being appreciative of what I have been given or even taken away from. Failures, downfalls often lead to overwhelming frustration, regrets and depression but afterall, are you going to fall and not stand back up again? Similarly, are you going to be crossing your fingers to be the best of the best in studies and have a poor attitude? Growing up is definitely a learning process and many tough paths have to be taken and walked with determination. Learning through the hard ways may not be a choice for us but it's definitely an experience which I cherish. You may all question yourself why am I so unlucky, why life is so unfair, why is my life so sad.... it's never going to end. I have heard so much of these. If you really mean it, I will say that have you ever thought of how much things are you appreciative of? Sounds cliche but definitely, life is not a bed of roses. Don't imagine leading a life that is entirely smooth sailing. Don't even think of waking up in your comfort zone, and lying casually in your bed while waiting for your servant (an imaginary one) to serve you a hearty breakfast. Come back to reality, wake up and have your eyes fixated out the window. Every little beauty is a treasure. Being able to start a new day is already a gift to you.
Speaking about how 'hard' life is or how 'sad' studying is, well, I can't even explain 'hard' and 'sad' in these context. Learning is a lifelong process, are you going to hate every single thing for the entirety of your life? Pre-university courses are the gateway to universities or the key which brings you closer to your dreams. Nothing ever comes easy, just like how apple could fall from the tree. Just like how Newton was dawned on the gravitational force, ultimately he cracked his brain and came up with the Newton's Law that benefited all men. You could have the most money, best brain, most books but are just going to wait for your success to creep in? Even a miracle won't happen. Enrolling into A Levels is not a joke or a 'choice' you have made so people will call you the 'smarties'. It's decision you have made for yourself. After all, you are in a college now, so called the 'cool kids' who are no longer confined to the strict rules back in secondary school. Some may or may not realise it, it's definitely quite a huge leap from secondary school to college. College aka pre-university is an education institution which will prepare you for the challenges ahead of you but not to daunt you with the rigorous practice of self-independence. No one is ever going to spoon-feed you just like during our SPM days. That's just a dream, okay?! Not a single lecturer will be able to teach you every single thing that will be tested during exam. A Levels, Advanced Levels is named for a reason. If you are going to sit and wait someone to 'teach' you, you may continue dreaming. Lecturers have taken many approaches to ensure that the students will be able to absorb their teachings but students are also expected to PLAY THEIR PART.
That's all for now. Back to my preparation for the horrifying upcoming examination. Will be back soon!
Friday, April 24, 2015
A grin hides the pain
It has truly been a tough time for me, I would say. Being real honest, being strong is the only choice I have. I could have broken down at any point of time, I could have shed tears, but I don't deserve to place myself in such a situation. Words can't express how much I am feeling for the past few weeks. I smiled, I laughed and joked around with my friends in college. I hope that makes it easier for me to pull though the toughest time. However, whenever I start pondering, feelings overwhelmed me. I don't know how long it's going to take for me to get over it. What more choices I'm left with other than being the tough girl.
I'm truly grateful for my bunch of friends who are always there for me on the stormy days. I'm so thankful to be blessed with such friendships since high schools. At such a time, they could come to me and comforted me with all their might. Though they can't help me much, I feel loved and appreciated when they could come and tell me that they have my back. Thank you, guys.
I just got to say the relationship has lasted for a year, and just when it was our one year, it struck me really hard when it was the end to it as well. Frustration and disappointment wrench my heart whenever I though of how much we have been through. I just got to say, one year may sound easy to anyone else out there but if you were in my shoes, you would feel it differently. From talking over the phone to getting together secretly, breaking up, a heated argument and our trip down north during the holiday. All the memories were created together. I constantly reminded myself how lucky I am to be blessed with someone who love me eternally. I have no qualms on why we have to embark on a LDR. I accepted it as it was with a simple reason, I want the best for you. I gave my full support for you, from preparing for your departure to helping you to settle down in the UK. Despite missing you terribly, I walked extra miles to be your pillar of support as I knew you need me more than I do. I kept my problems so that you could see the smiley girl who you wanted to see. Much sacrifices and thoughts I have put in in the LDR, which is one I have no regrets of. LDR was all tough. It's the truth. If I'm give a choice, it's one that I will never want to pull through. But, I will say struggling with the last four months more than a challenge. You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have. When tears are about to trickle, you just have to take it easy and tell yourself all will be fine. You know you have to walk through a lot of things alone and have countless problems laden on your shoulder. Even when you are just so stressed up, you have to take things one at a time.
Being a girl and able to pull through all these by holding on to faith, hope and trust, I absolutely have no regrets. It was truly a life lesson for me to be courageous and be brave, which I have learnt tremendously. Thank you for giving me the best time of my life. No matter where you will be and where I will be, I still hope for the best for you, as you were someone who I truly love and am grateful for. I may not be the perfect one you are looking for, but I believe one day life will take me to somewhere, someone who will be able to love me, appreciate me and care for me for the entirety of his life. Now, I am given the freedom to pursue my dreams in other parts of the world and set free to count the little things and moments which I may have neglected for the past one year. Moving on is not easy but one step at a time, I will pull though it. Thank you for bringing the best out of me.
Keep smiling. Make them wonder how you are still smiling.
I'm truly grateful for my bunch of friends who are always there for me on the stormy days. I'm so thankful to be blessed with such friendships since high schools. At such a time, they could come to me and comforted me with all their might. Though they can't help me much, I feel loved and appreciated when they could come and tell me that they have my back. Thank you, guys.
I just got to say the relationship has lasted for a year, and just when it was our one year, it struck me really hard when it was the end to it as well. Frustration and disappointment wrench my heart whenever I though of how much we have been through. I just got to say, one year may sound easy to anyone else out there but if you were in my shoes, you would feel it differently. From talking over the phone to getting together secretly, breaking up, a heated argument and our trip down north during the holiday. All the memories were created together. I constantly reminded myself how lucky I am to be blessed with someone who love me eternally. I have no qualms on why we have to embark on a LDR. I accepted it as it was with a simple reason, I want the best for you. I gave my full support for you, from preparing for your departure to helping you to settle down in the UK. Despite missing you terribly, I walked extra miles to be your pillar of support as I knew you need me more than I do. I kept my problems so that you could see the smiley girl who you wanted to see. Much sacrifices and thoughts I have put in in the LDR, which is one I have no regrets of. LDR was all tough. It's the truth. If I'm give a choice, it's one that I will never want to pull through. But, I will say struggling with the last four months more than a challenge. You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have. When tears are about to trickle, you just have to take it easy and tell yourself all will be fine. You know you have to walk through a lot of things alone and have countless problems laden on your shoulder. Even when you are just so stressed up, you have to take things one at a time.
Being a girl and able to pull through all these by holding on to faith, hope and trust, I absolutely have no regrets. It was truly a life lesson for me to be courageous and be brave, which I have learnt tremendously. Thank you for giving me the best time of my life. No matter where you will be and where I will be, I still hope for the best for you, as you were someone who I truly love and am grateful for. I may not be the perfect one you are looking for, but I believe one day life will take me to somewhere, someone who will be able to love me, appreciate me and care for me for the entirety of his life. Now, I am given the freedom to pursue my dreams in other parts of the world and set free to count the little things and moments which I may have neglected for the past one year. Moving on is not easy but one step at a time, I will pull though it. Thank you for bringing the best out of me.
Keep smiling. Make them wonder how you are still smiling.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
感恩曾经拥有
我从未想过有这么一天我会写起这篇文章。
首先，我很感恩曾经拥有的，很感激你让我在挫折中仍然学会了微笑。从天性文静，选择封闭自己的我到如今较为开朗的我可以说是一大的迈进。或许，我们无法像童话故事中的主角携手画下完美的结局，也无法一起为我们的将来一起奋斗，无法再次篇写最难忘的回忆，无法。。。。。。。
再多的不舍，再多的失落，再多的委屈，我，选择了微笑着面对。这是唯一我会留下的回忆——坚强地在逆境中挂起一丝笑容。一路上的碰碰撞撞，结局的扭转，分分离离，让我学会了勇敢。
谢谢你为我留下了美好的回忆。
首先，我很感恩曾经拥有的，很感激你让我在挫折中仍然学会了微笑。从天性文静，选择封闭自己的我到如今较为开朗的我可以说是一大的迈进。或许，我们无法像童话故事中的主角携手画下完美的结局，也无法一起为我们的将来一起奋斗，无法再次篇写最难忘的回忆，无法。。。。。。。
再多的不舍，再多的失落，再多的委屈，我，选择了微笑着面对。这是唯一我会留下的回忆——坚强地在逆境中挂起一丝笑容。一路上的碰碰撞撞，结局的扭转，分分离离，让我学会了勇敢。
谢谢你为我留下了美好的回忆。
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Reality strikes
I don't know what more to feel with my results anymore. It's a mixture of disppointment and sadness, not much of a regret. As I have always believed that hard work will definitely pay off, but this may only be partially true this time. It's probably not worth taking any risk in major exams as such but well, I was surprised that I actually took the risk and so I didn't really fare well in it. I'm definitely not a good risk-taker.
My SPM results may have closed doors that lead me to my future, my dream. This is where the disappointment really overwhelms me. Anyhow, life has to go on and I have to move on. It's time for me to pick myself up to face the next challenge. It's going to be a journey with tougher paths to walk which I'm not up for it. It's my expectation to my result that truly hurts me. I know I should never give up. Despite the uphill challenges that I will be facing in the next few months, I will take it as it is. I'm staying strong.
To all my friends, teachers, my family, my boy, thanks for the endless support and encouragement. Most of all, the motivation that you all have given especially when I'm lost has truly lifted my spirit. Much love for you all :)
My SPM results may have closed doors that lead me to my future, my dream. This is where the disappointment really overwhelms me. Anyhow, life has to go on and I have to move on. It's time for me to pick myself up to face the next challenge. It's going to be a journey with tougher paths to walk which I'm not up for it. It's my expectation to my result that truly hurts me. I know I should never give up. Despite the uphill challenges that I will be facing in the next few months, I will take it as it is. I'm staying strong.
To all my friends, teachers, my family, my boy, thanks for the endless support and encouragement. Most of all, the motivation that you all have given especially when I'm lost has truly lifted my spirit. Much love for you all :)
Monday, March 2, 2015
Results day
For all '97ers who sat for spm, tomorrow will be THE day for us to receive our results. From afraid, anxious, worried to scared, I don't know what more to feel anymore. It can be said to carry much weight, at the same time, it may not. Sigh. I'm really really hoping for the best and keeping my fingers crossed. It's making me feel unwell these few days for being over-anxious.
No matter how the results will be tomorrow, I shall take it as it is, right? The higher the hope I'm putting on my results, the greater the disappointment. Well, I guess I failed to stay positive!
On the brights side, I will get to meet my classmates and friends after two months plus, probably the last time I will get to meet most of them. How I wish my boy will be there with me tomorrow. Time to stay strong :)
Saturday, January 10, 2015
New year, new beginnings
2015 a whole new year for me. I'm hitting new milestones such as to be in college and becoming an Omega Leo as well as unlocking a new challenge in my relationship. It's time for me to learn and grow even more. I have always preferred to be in my comfort zone. Speaking of socializing, I'm awkwardly shy. More towards a listener and a doer, I will quietly listen when there's a group conversation going on or a discussion (devastatingly, this fails me badly during a scholarship interview). This is the time when I will observe and put my thoughts together to weigh the ideas before I give my point of view. I won't say that this is a strength of mine as this habit of me eventually makes me less carefree when speaking and also I eventually becomes afraid of voicing out because I will judge myself before others do.
After today's first Leo general meeting, I had the opportunity to meet new friends and mingle around with this new bunch of fun seniors. We had something sort of like a fellowship lunch and dessert session. Though I was terribly tired after the long day, I will definitely take it as a well-spent day! Most of all, transitioning from an Alpha to an Omega Leo is another journey for self development. Being a Leo for the past three years has been a life-changing experience as I have always mentioned. It's more than meeting new people, giving back to the society and picking up leadership skills. Without doubts, the one thing that I enjoy and appreciate the most through being a Leo is to truly able to know who I am and what I'm able to do. In other words, it's more of a platform for find out my potentials. Through this, I aim to be a better person and gain the long-lost confidence of mine. Haha.
New year, new beginnings. One of my leo senior put up with the idea that all of us should ponder: what's our aim/goal in the club? And so, it sort of gives me the inspiration to have new life goals for the year.
1. Or course, be a better person! Improve my weaknesses such being an emotional doer, judgemental and self-centered
2. Cure the negativity in me (not a single thought of it) and be a more positive person such as to be more carefree, cheerful and happy-go-lucky
3. To live my life to the fullest. That's what I have been trying to do for the past one year and now, I'll be making the best out of the best. What I meant 'to the fullest' is making every single that I lived worthwhile like doing a small gesture to make someone's day.
4. To stay strong! Both physically and mentally. First, I have been leading quite a sedentary lifestyle for the past three years by quitting sport activities for studies or other sorts of 'relaxation'. So, I guess it's time for me to be right on the track to be a fitter person and for me to unwind myself after a day in college.
While for mentally, it has been 11 days since my bf has left for London for college. Sadly, we have to start a LDR which is a whole new challenge for us. Now, we both have to juggle up studies and relationship. Well, it's never an excuse for us to give up on it after what we had been through but it's a journey that we'll walk through together.
5. Appreciate what I'm blessed with; my family, friends and my love one. At this time of my life, there's so much for me to truly be appreciative of, even a single act of them counts a lot to me. I have left highschool and those friendships that can be kept going make me feel so grateful. While for my family, I have learnt to foster a better relationship with them. And also, be thankful for my love one who relentlessly pull through the hurdles with me and putting up with me.
6. Most most most importantly, college! I will definitely prioritize my studies beside from enjoying college life. A Levels is claimed to be one of the toughest of all the per-university course *sobs* but oh well, it's not something that I should be afraid of! I just want to give my best, achieve excellent grades and gain admittance to my dream universities.
That's all! I'm looking forward to college life, starting from next Monday which is the day after tomorrow. Haha, I can finally call myself a college girl and also....getting rid of the ugly uniform that I wore in high school.
After today's first Leo general meeting, I had the opportunity to meet new friends and mingle around with this new bunch of fun seniors. We had something sort of like a fellowship lunch and dessert session. Though I was terribly tired after the long day, I will definitely take it as a well-spent day! Most of all, transitioning from an Alpha to an Omega Leo is another journey for self development. Being a Leo for the past three years has been a life-changing experience as I have always mentioned. It's more than meeting new people, giving back to the society and picking up leadership skills. Without doubts, the one thing that I enjoy and appreciate the most through being a Leo is to truly able to know who I am and what I'm able to do. In other words, it's more of a platform for find out my potentials. Through this, I aim to be a better person and gain the long-lost confidence of mine. Haha.
New year, new beginnings. One of my leo senior put up with the idea that all of us should ponder: what's our aim/goal in the club? And so, it sort of gives me the inspiration to have new life goals for the year.
1. Or course, be a better person! Improve my weaknesses such being an emotional doer, judgemental and self-centered
2. Cure the negativity in me (not a single thought of it) and be a more positive person such as to be more carefree, cheerful and happy-go-lucky
3. To live my life to the fullest. That's what I have been trying to do for the past one year and now, I'll be making the best out of the best. What I meant 'to the fullest' is making every single that I lived worthwhile like doing a small gesture to make someone's day.
4. To stay strong! Both physically and mentally. First, I have been leading quite a sedentary lifestyle for the past three years by quitting sport activities for studies or other sorts of 'relaxation'. So, I guess it's time for me to be right on the track to be a fitter person and for me to unwind myself after a day in college.
While for mentally, it has been 11 days since my bf has left for London for college. Sadly, we have to start a LDR which is a whole new challenge for us. Now, we both have to juggle up studies and relationship. Well, it's never an excuse for us to give up on it after what we had been through but it's a journey that we'll walk through together.
5. Appreciate what I'm blessed with; my family, friends and my love one. At this time of my life, there's so much for me to truly be appreciative of, even a single act of them counts a lot to me. I have left highschool and those friendships that can be kept going make me feel so grateful. While for my family, I have learnt to foster a better relationship with them. And also, be thankful for my love one who relentlessly pull through the hurdles with me and putting up with me.
6. Most most most importantly, college! I will definitely prioritize my studies beside from enjoying college life. A Levels is claimed to be one of the toughest of all the per-university course *sobs* but oh well, it's not something that I should be afraid of! I just want to give my best, achieve excellent grades and gain admittance to my dream universities.
That's all! I'm looking forward to college life, starting from next Monday which is the day after tomorrow. Haha, I can finally call myself a college girl and also....getting rid of the ugly uniform that I wore in high school.
Friday, January 9, 2015
All out for college // My love: Basil and Sage Pesto
Anyone who comes up to me to ask what I truly love to do, without doubt my answer is baking and cooking. Sounds so-no-a-studious-girl will do? Well, the main reason for why I have such a burning passion in culinary can be described in one word -- therapeutic. When I'm so engrossed in serving the finest dish that I can or just to whip up a satisfying quick meal, I'm able to fully concentrate on what I'm doing and temporarily forget what has been bothering me or stressing me out. In other works, I feel more relaxed when I'm in the kitchen haha. Unlike the professional chefs who have nerve-wrecking moments when they try to serve the best dish to their guests, I'm rolling in the kitchen to wind myself down.
After such a long long time, I finally found the enthusiasm to be back in the kitchen to take some time off the books and some problems. And also, I'm trying to clear all the leftover ingredients in the fridge before lunar new year. I'm feeling excited for it as this is the only time of the year that all families will gather for a scrumptious meal to catch up or to foster a stronger bond. While for me, on this festive season, I will share my passion with everyone, whether my family, relatives or my friends by baking cookies to spread some joy to them.
I came up with a pesto recipe. Yes, it's definitely one of my love! This is my second try on a pesto recipe and I will say preparing it from scratch is da best. In my recent trip to Cambodia, I had spaghetti with pesto at Angkor Watt. It costs a bomb because at such a tourist destination, there's no such thing as cheap and good food. But...I'm totally satisfied with the dish. The pesto is so fragrant and the spaghetti is soaked totally in the oil. When I said soaked, it really seems like the spaghetti is bathing in the pesto oil. That's the best part to be honest. I feel so guilty trying to have every mouthful of spaghetti thoroughly coated with pesto oil. The calories in that particular plate of spaghetti is insane.
Here, I came up with a to-keep pesto recipe. Adjust the amount of each ingredient to your liking.
For pesto sauce:
-Sage and basil
(This combination yields a perfect pesto sauce in my opinion as both are fragrant and not overpowering each other. Adding sage brings the sinfully addictive basil pesto to a whole new level. However, using basil is perfectly fine too.)
-Pine nuts and walnuts
(Adding pine nuts will do. I find pine nuts to be a better option than walnuts as it has a stronger nutty smell after roasting.)
- Olive oil
- Garlic cloves
Methods:
Pulse everything in a food blender and ta-daa, you'll have your very own pesto sauce to be served or to be refrigerated.
When you are to serve the spaghetti with the pesto sauce, chop some large shallots and mix it with the pesto sauce in a pan. Heat it without adding any olive oil in a non stick pan as a healthier option. Once you hear that sizzling sound and the garlic starts to turn brown, immediately place the spaghetti into the pan and give it a good toss. Add some salt for a more flavorful option. At this point, you can add more olive oil which elevates the fragrance of the dish, but I prefer to just add some water and mix the spaghetti well so that it's not too dry or too oily.
To counter the greasiness of the pesto sauce, I served it with marinated tomatoes, cucumber and some shredded carrot (basically anything that I can find from the fridge). Mix them with lemon juice, olive oil, salt, pepper, dried oregano, dried parsley and Worcestershire sauce. You will want to prepare this ahead to serve the salad chill and for the marinate to infuse into the salad. The zingy lemon juice definitely do a great job to balance up the dish.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
In remembrance of Poppy
That one phone call from my grandfather, saying that you have left us, has delivered the bare truth that you were sent to heaven. I believe you are, for you have brought eternal joy and and laughter to us for the past five years. I pulled myself up to write this post because I never want to forget you as my little brother, more than a pet.
Dating back in 2009 before I sat for UPSR, your biological mother has delivered you and your two other siblings, namely Browny and Spotty in our house. I can't express how astonished I were to have seen you three little ones roaming the garden and squeaking like mice. I witnessed every single moment of your life, from a tiny little one that I manage to hold in my palm to the chubby you who has gained so much weight over the years. When we had the three of you in our house, we were forced to make such a tough decision to only adopt Browny. There, your mother took you and Spotty away from us. Browny was such an adorable, with brown spots on its snow-white fur and an incredibly long brown tail. She's so lovely that everyone of us loves her so much, and even our neighbors and any guests who visit our house will love to carry her in their arms. You were the total opposite back then, with a black spot at one corner of or your mouth, dad and bro had called you the ugly one or the one who has never wiped your mouth after eating. But I love all of you the same. Not long after we kept Browny, your mother brought you back to our house and from then on, we had never seen Spotty anymore, for we believe he has been sent to heaven. I could not blame your mother for leaving you at our house because you are assumed to be independent when you are able to fend for yourself. I will say lucky you that we have adopted you.
Since that day, we have you and Browny with us. I can never forget how we help you two to pull through the days after your mother had left. We kept you in a storage drawer where we kept all our clothings before we get to bed so that you get to feel the warmth when the air cond is on and experience the total darkness so that you can fall to sleep easily. You do have your moments by waking us up middle of the night and so we have to pat you to sleep. It was not easy to make sure that you two are in good hands. Believed to be elder one, you are more adventurous, brave and tough while Browny is always the timid and playful one. We had so much fond memories of spending some quality time with you two and even bringing you all to the park which in fact, left you all in awe! However, Browny decided to leave home and never come back again. I yearned for her return and longed to cast one glance at her, just to make sure she's alright but never once I have seen her in the neighbourhood after searching her for days. I do miss her terribly.
We are left with you only over the years. We managed to help you to pull through the days when your dearest sister has left by reassuring you and giving you the comfort when it's most needed. But, never did we expect an accident to befallen you. That was during Chinese New Year when we headed to my aunt's place few doors away from ours for a yearly gathering after dinner. It was already late at night, which I believed is 10 or 11pm when all the shops had closed. You lied motionlessly, mewing in agonizing pain as blood was oozing out from your jaw and there were injuries on your limbs as well. Your white fur was stained with blood. We were equally shocked. I could not forget how hard those days were. We tried to render you first aid treatment by apply pressuring to stop the blood flow and spent the night searching for a veterinary that has an emergency unit. I don't know whether I should be thankful or not that we managed to find a veterinary in KL which eventually helped to treat the injuries on your limbs but gave us so much dissatisfaction. They caused you to be in a worse trauma, charged us an unreasonable high amount and worst of all, they gave us the wrong X-ray which showed that you 'had' a fracture on your limb. Thankfully, we went to seek for a second advice from Gasing Veterinary Hospital and I'm so glad that you were looked after by Dr. Melissa who attended to you personally. You had a few days stay in the hospital and even after so, you were able to stare at us with your smiling eyes when we came to pick you up after the stay. You were so brave through the recovery when we had to bring you to the vet for weekly check-up and feed you food and your medications. Despite having a hard time, you have never failed to be the toughest one.When Dr. Melissa said you have fully recovered and took all the stitches out, in no time, you are out of the house to explore the neighbourhood as how you will before the accident.
I would say that accident has taught me to appreciate you and every single animal, may it be a stray cat or dog as life is too short for us to take things for granted. It was you who drive me to be a veterinarian. Now and then, I still dream to be one when I have seen so many homeless cats and dogs that can't even have a proper meal and shelter. I hope to give them the best treatment and a place which they can call home. However, that was merely a dream as I knew I wouldn't be able to perform a surgery or inject an animal as I love them too much. It hit me really hard when we found out that Tiger who was a stray cat that would come to our house daily for the scrumptious meals that we provide you with was forced to leave us. A foreign object hit Tiger right on his spine and affected his central nervous system that both his legs can no longer function. I remembered bringing him to the vet at Taman Megah and fervently hope that he only had a fracture. The doctor tried to make him walk but when we saw that he had to pull his legs to move around, we knew that nothing could turn back time. He was given an injection and was forced to put to sleep. As a Buddhist, we believed that he should live a fairly more comfortable life in heaven after he was freed from the pain
Now, you were sent to join your only friend in life in heaven. We miss you dearly. From the moment I stepped into the house, I realised how empty and lifeless it will be. I stared at your litterbox and knew that it will no longer be put into good use. For the past five years that you had accompanied me, we have developed such a close relationship that I will call family love. There were times that I would hug you in my arms and shed tears while you would stare at me blankly and not making a single noise. There were days you loved to sleep on my bed right next to my leg and I had to shift my body to make space for you. You enjoyed the air conditioner in our rooms and even if you felt cold, you sought for warmth under my comfortable. How adorable you could be. Now, I will no longer wake up to you standing at my door, mewing for me to open my door to let you in so that you could wake me up to feed you your breakfast. It will not happen anymore. I won't have your natural clock to wake me up so that I won't be late for school.
Well, it has been an incredibly memorable journey with you. You have walked the the different milestones in my life with me and your loyalty is one that I appreciate the most. If it's time for you to leave, I truly hope that you can rest in peace in heaven and join your best friend there. Poppy, I will love you forever and always.
Dating back in 2009 before I sat for UPSR, your biological mother has delivered you and your two other siblings, namely Browny and Spotty in our house. I can't express how astonished I were to have seen you three little ones roaming the garden and squeaking like mice. I witnessed every single moment of your life, from a tiny little one that I manage to hold in my palm to the chubby you who has gained so much weight over the years. When we had the three of you in our house, we were forced to make such a tough decision to only adopt Browny. There, your mother took you and Spotty away from us. Browny was such an adorable, with brown spots on its snow-white fur and an incredibly long brown tail. She's so lovely that everyone of us loves her so much, and even our neighbors and any guests who visit our house will love to carry her in their arms. You were the total opposite back then, with a black spot at one corner of or your mouth, dad and bro had called you the ugly one or the one who has never wiped your mouth after eating. But I love all of you the same. Not long after we kept Browny, your mother brought you back to our house and from then on, we had never seen Spotty anymore, for we believe he has been sent to heaven. I could not blame your mother for leaving you at our house because you are assumed to be independent when you are able to fend for yourself. I will say lucky you that we have adopted you.
Since that day, we have you and Browny with us. I can never forget how we help you two to pull through the days after your mother had left. We kept you in a storage drawer where we kept all our clothings before we get to bed so that you get to feel the warmth when the air cond is on and experience the total darkness so that you can fall to sleep easily. You do have your moments by waking us up middle of the night and so we have to pat you to sleep. It was not easy to make sure that you two are in good hands. Believed to be elder one, you are more adventurous, brave and tough while Browny is always the timid and playful one. We had so much fond memories of spending some quality time with you two and even bringing you all to the park which in fact, left you all in awe! However, Browny decided to leave home and never come back again. I yearned for her return and longed to cast one glance at her, just to make sure she's alright but never once I have seen her in the neighbourhood after searching her for days. I do miss her terribly.
We are left with you only over the years. We managed to help you to pull through the days when your dearest sister has left by reassuring you and giving you the comfort when it's most needed. But, never did we expect an accident to befallen you. That was during Chinese New Year when we headed to my aunt's place few doors away from ours for a yearly gathering after dinner. It was already late at night, which I believed is 10 or 11pm when all the shops had closed. You lied motionlessly, mewing in agonizing pain as blood was oozing out from your jaw and there were injuries on your limbs as well. Your white fur was stained with blood. We were equally shocked. I could not forget how hard those days were. We tried to render you first aid treatment by apply pressuring to stop the blood flow and spent the night searching for a veterinary that has an emergency unit. I don't know whether I should be thankful or not that we managed to find a veterinary in KL which eventually helped to treat the injuries on your limbs but gave us so much dissatisfaction. They caused you to be in a worse trauma, charged us an unreasonable high amount and worst of all, they gave us the wrong X-ray which showed that you 'had' a fracture on your limb. Thankfully, we went to seek for a second advice from Gasing Veterinary Hospital and I'm so glad that you were looked after by Dr. Melissa who attended to you personally. You had a few days stay in the hospital and even after so, you were able to stare at us with your smiling eyes when we came to pick you up after the stay. You were so brave through the recovery when we had to bring you to the vet for weekly check-up and feed you food and your medications. Despite having a hard time, you have never failed to be the toughest one.When Dr. Melissa said you have fully recovered and took all the stitches out, in no time, you are out of the house to explore the neighbourhood as how you will before the accident.
I would say that accident has taught me to appreciate you and every single animal, may it be a stray cat or dog as life is too short for us to take things for granted. It was you who drive me to be a veterinarian. Now and then, I still dream to be one when I have seen so many homeless cats and dogs that can't even have a proper meal and shelter. I hope to give them the best treatment and a place which they can call home. However, that was merely a dream as I knew I wouldn't be able to perform a surgery or inject an animal as I love them too much. It hit me really hard when we found out that Tiger who was a stray cat that would come to our house daily for the scrumptious meals that we provide you with was forced to leave us. A foreign object hit Tiger right on his spine and affected his central nervous system that both his legs can no longer function. I remembered bringing him to the vet at Taman Megah and fervently hope that he only had a fracture. The doctor tried to make him walk but when we saw that he had to pull his legs to move around, we knew that nothing could turn back time. He was given an injection and was forced to put to sleep. As a Buddhist, we believed that he should live a fairly more comfortable life in heaven after he was freed from the pain
Now, you were sent to join your only friend in life in heaven. We miss you dearly. From the moment I stepped into the house, I realised how empty and lifeless it will be. I stared at your litterbox and knew that it will no longer be put into good use. For the past five years that you had accompanied me, we have developed such a close relationship that I will call family love. There were times that I would hug you in my arms and shed tears while you would stare at me blankly and not making a single noise. There were days you loved to sleep on my bed right next to my leg and I had to shift my body to make space for you. You enjoyed the air conditioner in our rooms and even if you felt cold, you sought for warmth under my comfortable. How adorable you could be. Now, I will no longer wake up to you standing at my door, mewing for me to open my door to let you in so that you could wake me up to feed you your breakfast. It will not happen anymore. I won't have your natural clock to wake me up so that I won't be late for school.
Well, it has been an incredibly memorable journey with you. You have walked the the different milestones in my life with me and your loyalty is one that I appreciate the most. If it's time for you to leave, I truly hope that you can rest in peace in heaven and join your best friend there. Poppy, I will love you forever and always.
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